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I am feeling guilty

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Old 08-08-2007, 08:15 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Maynard, MA
Posts: 3
dogwalker1973 HB User
I am feeling guilty

In 2004 I reconnected with my first love...the love of my life after 12 years. We broke up because we both wanted different things at the time. I wanted my freedom (I was 19 and a freshmen in college and he was 22 and ready to settle down). By chance we bumped into each other in the airport during a ice storm. We had about 3 hours to catch up. It was like we picked up where we left off. Tommy and I were engaged three months later and I moved from Michigan back to Boston shortly after. We started building a house and I took charge planning the wedding. It was a fairytail wedding at Disney World with over 300 guests.

Our life was perfect until January 2006. We were on our way back from my parents house in Vermont when a drunk driver crossed the center lane and hit our SUV. Tommy hung on for a few days but eventually died of his injuries. I was crushed and had a hard time doing "normal" stuff after I got out of the hospital. I had to learn how to run our business and do all the "guy" stuff Tommy did around the house. Finances were okay we had plenty of money in the bank (Tommy was set to retire at 50). I really didn't like staying in the house alone. My best friend Donnie gave me the keys to his house on the Cape and I stayed there on weekends (Donnie lives in LA and rarely uses the house).

Donnie's neighbor and I got friendly and would spend most of the weekend together. Justin and I became very good friends and started spending some weekday evening together. One weekend in May we were sitting on his back deck sipping wine watching the sunset. I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder and we kissed. I knew at that moment I was in love with Justin.

I have a feeling in the next couple of months Justin is going to ask me to marry him. He was asked to take a position in Orlando sometime next if we get married I would need to sell my house and move. Sell...Tommy's house. I am not worried about the business...I sold a huge part to Tommy's best friend.

It will be closer to my parents & sister who all live in Central Florida now but leaving Boston is going to be tough. I also feel a bit guilty for even loving Justin. I know Tommy would want me to go on with my life but...ugh...I am really torn.


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Old 08-09-2007, 04:35 AM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: nicosia, cyprus
Posts: 349
thaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB User
Re: I am feeling guilty

Hi Dog walker!
Guilt is such a destructive feeling! You have been lucky enough to be given another chance at happiness and new beginning. Take it girl! It is not as if you are cheating him! He would have liked you to be happy again. And besides, you are not going to forget him anyway, and this doesn't conflict with the feelings you have for Justin.
As for his house, I am sure he doesn't have much use of it any more. Maybe you could give something to charity in his memory, if this would make you happy.
Get on with it , girl!!! Good luck!

Old 08-09-2007, 11:05 AM   #3
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Charleston, SC USA
Posts: 79
Psimer HB User
Re: I am feeling guilty

If you had a good marriage then you are going to be open to marry again. You shouldn't feel the least bit guilty. For all you know your husband lead you to the man that you now love. Maybe he didn't want you to be alone and he wanted you to be happy again. So he is making it happen.

I think that you should grab life while you can. Take the chances and the opportunities that come your way. Your husband is going to be happy for you.


Old 08-11-2007, 07:19 PM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 465
B143C HB User
Re: I am feeling guilty

I agree. From a Christian stand point - the Bible says in this event it is ok to remarry. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to move on - having these feelings again must mean it is finally time to move on. God bless you!

Old 08-26-2007, 04:50 PM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Maynard, MA
Posts: 3
dogwalker1973 HB User
Re: I am feeling guilty

Thank you guys so much. I just got back from Michigan. I spent some of the summer with some friends. We watched some baseball and went to Chicago and Detroit and Indiana. It was nice. I am now getting back into the swing of things here in Boston. Yesterday I went to the looks so sad. After talking with Tommy's family his sister and BIL have decided to buy the house. It is a HUGE relief for me...I just couldn't see a stranger living in the home. Justin and I are flying down to Florida in October to look at some homes. He has not asked me to marry him yet...but we have been so busy and I was away he really hasn't had time! Tommy is always in my heart and I will always love him. Justin understands because he lost his wife a few years ago...she died of breast cancer at 36. Very we have that in common and I think that is what brought us together.

Last edited by dogwalker1973; 08-26-2007 at 05:30 PM. Reason: typo

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