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Got to get this off my chest

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Old 08-23-2007, 06:59 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 4
Damien1976 HB User
Got to get this off my chest

Please note, I am not after sympathy - just want some advice...

it's an age old question - why won't the pain go away?

I still grieve for the people we lost 17 years ago, as much as those we lost last year - about 20 have been taken from us, some by cancer, some by the insidious hateful actions of others...

now my dad is sick (cancer) and I am not well either..

I have not let it stop me - moved overseas, living a dream, but the shadow still encompasses me...

My family is in Australia, I am in Japan - I was over here when my gran died last year (i lost 7 last year)... I could not get back to Australia for her funeral... taht was tough.

I go home every Christmas to see my mum and dad and family - but teh empty chairs at the Christmas table painfully remind us...

Sometimes, I feel so alone

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Old 08-23-2007, 01:14 PM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Charleston, SC USA
Posts: 79
Psimer HB User
Re: Got to get this off my chest

The worst part is the older we get the more friends and family leave us behind. It is never going to be easy because with each death we have to face our own mortality. And with each death we have to face that sense of loss.

I don't think that we ever actually "get over" it. I think that we deal with it differently. My mom died Easter Sunday. Easter will never be the same for me. This will be our first Christmas without her. My parents 60th wedding anniversary would have been next week. My sisters and I had started to plan a party for my parents.

You have to do the best you can. You can't be at every funeral. But those who go before us are still with us as long as we remember them and cherish those memories.


Old 08-31-2007, 03:56 AM   #3
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: australia
Posts: 17
golden_eagle HB User
Re: Got to get this off my chest

i understand the deep sense of lonliness you speak of my friend
My MuM dad and brother are constantly in my mind. My dad died when i was 17, my brother when i was 29 and my mum when i was 30 . I am now 53 and have face other loved ones departure from this planet since my younger days, some hidiously dying in agony from cancer and i just wish i could hold them and talk to them. it is the loneliest feeling in the world to want and need contact with your loved ones. You cry out to them in your despair but all you hear is the whispering winds of silence

Old 08-31-2007, 03:43 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Sonoma, CA USA
Posts: 296
TopamaxKillsMe HB User
Re: Got to get this off my chest

I am with my mother who is sick and I feel so alone. I think everyday about getting in my car and driving away and starting over somewhere else. I came here to be with her but I have recently faced all sorts of epiphanies regarding our relationship and how she has tainted relationships btw. myself and my siblings and father. Still....I stay. Why? Because I feel that it is my duty. Because I know that if I go, I will be haunted by guilt.

This is the first time I have lived with someone in over a decade but really, it is the most alone and depressed I have felt in my life.

I don't think there is any right way to deal with losing someone. There will always be ghosts.

I'm sorry.

Last edited by TopamaxKillsMe; 08-31-2007 at 03:43 PM.

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