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Need help with grieving son

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Old 01-05-2008, 04:35 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: chester springs, pa, USA
Posts: 67
golfmom01 HB User
Need help with grieving son

the day after my son and I went to visit my parents, my Dad passed away.
My son is his only grandchild and had not seen him for quite sometime. I had decide to take my son with me since this was only going to be a short and wanted him to see my parents. They had both been battling cancer for about a year and my trips were usually 2-3 weeks long and he couldn't miss that much school. Anyway, Dad had beat the cancer and was feeling great.
The day after we got there, Daddy complained of chest pain and passed within seconds. My son, who is 18, started cpr while I was on phone with 911. Even the perimedics couldn't bring him back. My son will not talk about losing his grandfather and it's tearing him apart...affecting his school work as well as his social life.....he won't even talk to me. I contacted his counselors at school for help, but this just made him mad and he still won't talk about it.....I mentioned professional help to him and he said even if I made him go, he wouldn't talk....I myself am trying to hold it together and be strong for his sake...even though I still hurt deeply and cry alot. It has only been 1 month since this happened. Does anyone have any suggestions ????

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Old 01-05-2008, 06:13 PM   #2
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 4
twinsin2003 HB User
Re: Need help with grieving son

First, let me say I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. My sympathies are with you. My aunt went through this with her son when his older brother died. He did go to a counselor, and the first few visits he said nothing. He wouldn't talk to anyone about it, began acting out at school, and finally started "living on the edge". He went back to the counselor again, she would have to go in, or sit in the waiting area to keep him from running out. He finally blew up at the counselor, unloaded all of the emotional baggage, put a fist through his wall (the counselors!) and then got in the car told his mom he was fine now, and they never went back. The counselor said it was a great breakthrough. He got home, went to his room yelled, screamed and cried. The next day he was on the way back to being himself. I think you should get him to go, as this was a traumatic experience, maybe he'll have a breakthrough and be able to deal with it. My cousin is now fine, has a wife and a new baby seven years later. Good luck.

Old 01-06-2008, 04:57 AM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: chester springs, pa, USA
Posts: 67
golfmom01 HB User
Re: Need help with grieving son

thank you for sharing your story. Even if my son didn't speak to counselor at first, hopefully he could have such a breakthrough !!
I am going to give it a try!!

Old 01-09-2008, 11:34 AM   #4
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Re: Need help with grieving son

My sympathies to you and your son. I lost both of my parents within 5 weeks of each other last fall and I still don't quite know how to go on some days so I sympathise with your son.

There are support groups for young adults. Perhaps that might be what would work for him. They are composed of people his own age led by a trained counselor. You might look for one of these groups for him.

Check at your church if you have one and see what the minister suggests. Some times you just need to let him work it our for awhile. Hopefully he will get to the point where he will want to talk about it. I know that it will bring him pain, but ultimately it will bring peace, but it comes at a price.

you are in my prayers....

Old 01-12-2008, 04:32 AM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: chester springs, pa, USA
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golfmom01 HB User
Re: Need help with grieving son

Thank you and I will look for such type of support group....he would probably feel more comfortable with kids his own age.
I can't imagine losing both my parents so close together. You have to be a very strong woman!!
God Bless You !!

Old 01-16-2008, 06:58 PM   #6
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Mount Vernon, TX USA
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hollister04 HB User
Re: Need help with grieving son

I, too, would suggest a grief support group for young adults. Also, make sure you are taking care of yourself. If you allow yourself to grieve, you are showing your son that it is o.k. And remember, we all grieve in very different ways...

God Bless you and your family...

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