It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Grief & Loss Message Board

  • I miss my son

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 03-13-2008, 12:27 AM   #1
    gkbmom
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    gkbmom's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: CA, US
    Posts: 14
    gkbmom HB User
    I miss my son

    I lost my 18 yr old son 7 weeks ago in a car accident. Life has no meaning. He was my breakfast buddy, I miss him soooo much. I walk around like a zombie, with no energy to continue with the "normal daily routine". I just feel lost. My son could brighten up any room with his smile and that sparkle in his eyes and all that is gone. All I want is 1 more kiss, 1 more "I love you mom". All I'm left with is his smell from his cloths and room. I have 2 other kids that need me, but I know I'm not being the mother they need.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 03-13-2008, 07:55 AM   #2
    Diva10
    Member
    (female)
     
    Diva10's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2004
    Location: Louisiana
    Posts: 62
    Diva10 HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    So sorry for your loss, I have 4 children and do not know what I would do if one was taken from me, that has to be the hardest thing in life to go through, but you are right your other kids do need you, and I am so sorry but I can not tell you how to overcome, I really wish I could, just know there are people here caring a listening to you and will be here.
    Hugs
    Vee

     
    Old 03-13-2008, 07:27 PM   #3
    gkbmom
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    gkbmom's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: CA, US
    Posts: 14
    gkbmom HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    Thank you Diva10 for your kind words. I know my son does not like to see me crying, sad, and with no will to get up in the morning. So, I must thank God for giving me the priviledge of being his mother and that I had the honor of having him love me for 18 yrs. I know I will see him again, but until that day, my heart will ache but also is full of love for him and his brother & sister. His memory will carry me thru everything.

     
    Old 03-13-2008, 08:37 PM   #4
    Niclolu
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Niclolu's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2008
    Location: USA
    Posts: 137
    Niclolu HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    I feel so much for you having to go through a parent's worse nightmare. Our friends lost their 13 year-old son from a hit and run by a drunk driver and their faith is the only thing holding them together. Their hearts are broken yet they have their two other children to think of and care for. I cannot imagine the pain and emptiness they must feel and you as well.

    Allow yourself the time to grieve and cry and talk about it. But in between all of that, take the time to do the things you enjoy. Your son would want you to.

    I pray you will have the strength to get through this and be able to be there for your other children. They need you and they must feel like they have lost you too. Take it one day at a time and treasure each day you have with your children and loved ones while you have them.

    Things happen for a reason though we may never understand why. Just know that you are not alone. There are many people who share your pain. You are not alone because your son is with you in spirit and you will have breakfast together again. The hardest part is the wait. I am sure he can't wait to show you around his beautiful new home one day.

     
    Old 03-13-2008, 08:50 PM   #5
    bivi686
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    bivi686's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: Fairview, NJ USA
    Posts: 8
    bivi686 HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by gkbmom View Post
    Thank you Diva10 for your kind words. I know my son does not like to see me crying, sad, and with no will to get up in the morning. So, I must thank God for giving me the priviledge of being his mother and that I had the honor of having him love me for 18 yrs. I know I will see him again, but until that day, my heart will ache but also is full of love for him and his brother & sister. His memory will carry me thru everything.

    Please accept my condolences for the loss of your eighteen year old son. I can immagine the pain, emptiness and loss you must feel inside of you. Remember your son is with you in spirit and your memories of him will live with you till you meet again. For now pray for strength & Faith God will be with you and help you walk the tough path to find inner peace.

    Take care

     
    Old 03-14-2008, 04:51 PM   #6
    gkbmom
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    gkbmom's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: CA, US
    Posts: 14
    gkbmom HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    I appreciated your thoughts and prayers, I know my son is proud of me today, because I actually smiled without regret or guilt. I tried some meditation last night and I can honestly say, that it help me release some of the feelings that were tied up in my stomach. Today my heart is controlling my brain. I actually drove his car today.
    So my feelings today are of happiness, because I can feel my son here with me. It might sound crazy, but that is how I feel. I don't know how tomorrow will be, but I can olny think about today, because tomorrow might not be.
    It's funnt that as I meditated the person I spoke to was not my son, but actually GOD.
    I have to focus on my living children, because that's what he would want. He was their defender whenever I would get upset at any of them. So I know he would not like the mother and person I am turning into.

    I guess I must go, because I am just rambling on...

    Hope Everyone has a great and save weekend.

    I to pray for all of you that have lost a loved one. Life will never be the same, but we have to continue to search or understand God's purpose.


     
    Old 03-20-2008, 12:32 AM   #7
    gkbmom
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    gkbmom's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: CA, US
    Posts: 14
    gkbmom HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    Just when I thought I had a handle on grief...it just crawls back and hits me with no warning. Since the last time I wrote in here, all those painful feelings have come back. Saturday I received the police report, so that just took me back to that dreadful morning 1/21/08 when my 18yr old son "G" along with my life as I new it died. The report did not tell nothing new, except it confirmed that the my son had not been drinking, was not using his phone, and that it was just a stupid accident. Then Sunday a went to a soccer game, and all those memories of my son's games came to me. Boy! I really miss him. Life just doesn't have the same meaning. Today my heart took over my brain. Hopefully tomorrow will be different.

     
    Old 03-20-2008, 07:20 PM   #8
    LostN07
    Member
    (female)
     
    LostN07's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2008
    Location: usa
    Posts: 54
    LostN07 HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    Im so sorry. I know how you feel I lost my little boy last summer. Right before his 5th birthday he snuck out and drowned. I still feel like I cant go on many days. My life feels empty and I still have 3 children left too. Im sorry you have to feel the same pain I do.
    I wish I could take away our pain.

     
    Old 03-21-2008, 03:29 AM   #9
    gkbmom
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    gkbmom's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: CA, US
    Posts: 14
    gkbmom HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    On 1/21/08 at this time, my son had been pronounced dead. Nothing and I mean nothing will ever erase that night. As I sit here writing, with tears rolling down my face it feels like that awful real nightmare night all over again. I remeber waiting for my son to get home, calling his phone with no response. I new something was not right. Those hours seems endless, until 4:30am when the dreadful ring at the door, I remember the officer came to my home and ask "are you Giovanni's mother"? Just by looking at his face I new my son was gone.
    My heart is in pain, my body is numb, and I still ask Why? All those memories and no son to kiss or hug. No more "I love you mom" no more "Chill mom, I miss him sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!! He was full of life.

     
    Old 03-21-2008, 09:09 PM   #10
    Sarahs Daughter
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Sarahs Daughter's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: Australia
    Posts: 8
    Sarahs Daughter HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    Anniversaries are difficult. I have heard lots of people talk about how they managed their anniversaries. Also there are birthdays and christmas and the list goes on.

    I haven't had an anniversary because it has been too soon. I have said, its been 3 weeks today, or this time last week we were at his funeral. I have a friend whose sons birthday is today, he has been gone 9 weeks, Their family are getting together and writing messages to him on balloons and releasing them. They are having his favorite meal together. They are taking time to tell stories about him and laugh. I am sure that they will cry lots too.

    You will never forget what you were doing at the time that he died, or when you were told that he had died. You are rebuilding though, and that is a good sign that you are moving through different stages of grief. Driving his car was very brave. Contributing to threads is good. Remembering is good. Realising that others need you is good. You managed to go to a soccer game. Dont stop doing these things because they will help you remember your son in a good way. You are doing well in an unfair and extremely painful time.

    We had time to prepare for our sons death, and that is something that I will always be extremely grateful for.

    You have had a big shock, I cant imagine how bad that must have been. Focus on how much you love him because that is what counts (if you ask me). You are right to think that he would be proud of you. It sounds like he was the sort of person that wouldn't want you to always be sad.

     
    Old 03-24-2008, 08:18 PM   #11
    gkbmom
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    gkbmom's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: CA, US
    Posts: 14
    gkbmom HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    Well, Easter was very hard to get through. It's my 1st Easter without my son. All I can say it SUCKS! Im sure everyone that has lost a loved one knows how I feel. Words can not express all the emotions that went through my heart. All I can do is let God continue to guide me through whatever he has planned for me and my family.

    Here is a poem that I find comfort in:

    GOD'S LENT CHILD

    I'll lend you for a little while
    A child of mine, God said.
    For you to love the while he lives
    And mourn for when he's dead.

    It may be six or seven years
    or forty-two or three.
    But, will you, 'til I call him back,
    Take care of him for me?

    He'll bring his charms to gladden you
    And should his stay be brief,
    You'll have his lovely memories
    As a solace for your greif.

    I can not promise he will stay
    Since all from Earth returns,
    But there are lessons taught below,
    I want this child to learn.

    I've looked the whole world over
    In my search for teacher's true.
    And from the things that crowd life's lane
    I have chose you.

    Now will you give him all your love?
    Nor think the labor vain?
    Nor hate me when I come to take
    This lent child back again?

    I fancied that I heard them say
    Dear Lord, thy will be done.
    For all the joys thy child will bring
    The risk of grief we'll run.

    We will shelter him with tenderness,
    We'll love him while we may.
    And for all the happiness we have known
    Forever grateful stay.

    But should thy angel call for him,
    Much sooner than we planned
    We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
    And try to understand.


    Author Unknown

     
    Old 03-24-2008, 09:25 PM   #12
    LostN07
    Member
    (female)
     
    LostN07's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2008
    Location: usa
    Posts: 54
    LostN07 HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    The poem made me cry it was beautiful.
    I know This was the first easter without my little boy too. I hated to hide easter eggs and pick out 3 baskets this year instead of 4. I know your pain. Im sorry it will get eaiser. I still have a hard time with my sons death. Its a little better but I cant say Im over it I will never be. HUGS

     
    Old 03-26-2008, 12:56 AM   #13
    venentiarose
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    venentiarose's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: New Zealand
    Posts: 9
    venentiarose HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    Hi there
    It has been 18 months since my 11 year old was killed by a truck while biking to school. I remember that day like yesterday. The last thing he said to me, the way he made his breakfast. It is very strange that I watched him so intently that morning. I was marvelling at how much he had grown and moments later it got snatched away from me. The grieving has changed throughout the months, and the first year was the hardest. So many anniversaries and it was strange which ones affected me the most. Mothers day, My birthday, and his memorial at his school really got me low. He was my eldest only son, but my daughters have kept me strong. I too feel like I am not as good a mother as I could be, but you have to look after yourself first. Just remind your children how much you love them and one day they will understand. Like I said the grief process is constantly changing for me. At the moment I am going through an emotional process of realising the happiest times of my life was when my son was alive. My life feels wasted because now those joyous moments make me cry. That is something I need to contend with and I need my other kids to support me and create new happy memories. I am sure in time, my sons life wont make me cry anymore, but it is a process, and as you know, we just have to carry on. It may be robotic for awhile, but that is how we deal with it until we can learn to smile again. It does happen and you dont have to feel guilty about it, because our sons want us to be happy. I know what you mean when you say you feel him. I feel mine too. I know he is watching me and sometimes I swear he is kissing my forehead. He had sloppy kisses and I used to insist he kissed my head because of it....now I only wish I could feel those sloppy kisses again, over and over again.

     
    Old 03-26-2008, 11:37 PM   #14
    gkbmom
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    gkbmom's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: CA, US
    Posts: 14
    gkbmom HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    LostN07 and venentiarose sorry to hear about your sons. I grief with you.

    Life is just not the same and I don't think it will ever be. Can you tell me if & when you were ready to let go of your child's belongings. What did you do with them? I ask because I'm not ready to let go of his car, cloths, shoes, hats,etc.. His room is still the same. I go in there and open the blinds every morning and closed them every night. I still have his work shirt that he wore that night (unwashed), just to feel close to his smell. I thought I was getting better coping with him not being here, but it then it hits me, and I began to cry, just out of the blue. Does the pain lessen with time, or do you just miss him more as time passes by.
    Because I miss him more each day that passes. I just want to hear his voice asking me, "Mom what's for dinner i'm on my way home?" words so simple are so priceless. Or him baking me some brownies at 10:00 o'clock at night, just because I had a craving.

     
    Old 03-27-2008, 02:49 AM   #15
    venentiarose
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    venentiarose's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: New Zealand
    Posts: 9
    venentiarose HB User
    Re: I miss my son

    It has been over a year and his bed is still the same as he made it, and his clothes in his dresser how he had them. I have kept the silliest things. Even his smelly socks that he left in the laundry the morning he died. A few months ago I would have shook my head at having to put away his things. He died a few metres from our house and I have to cope with that every day. I need to get away from the negative feelings I have here so, I am moving in a few weeks. I was worried about moving his things because to me, if I touch the things he last touched it feels like I am desicrating his essence, his imprint left behind. My counsellor suggested that I make time to do it. Take time of work, make sure I am not interrupted, take the phone of the hook and lock the door. Then as I am packing his things, remember him, honor him, dont rush it and to cry my heart out as need be. I think this is a good idea. But, it has taken awhile for me to gain this confidence. It is early days for you, so just take your time. You know when you will be ready to let go. We are both part of a club no parent wants to be a part of. It is unnatural to lose a child, it is the worst pain you can ever feel. You will be strong because of it. I have made so many friends because of my sons death and I have been offered alot of support. Do not decline this support, take as much of it as you can, and you will see it will pick you up when you feel down-another counsellor gave me this advise and it really worked. When my son first died I met few people that had lost children but either through sickness, as babies or as fully grown adults. I feel it is not the same when you lose a child you nutured with an expectant future only to have them suddenly taken from you. It really isnt fair. I hated to deal with the fact that I was going to grieve for the rest of my life. I still break down at the strangest moments, like at work, or driving, but it is getting less frequent. Still more often than I want to, but that again is something that is normal and we just have to deal with it as it comes. My sons friends all look older now, and when I see them hanging out having fun I start thinking my boy would look like them too. I hide my tears when I see them but it really hurts. I have lost both my parents and grandparents, but the pain of losing them is nothing compared to the loss of my child. The pain will always be there, it does lessen, and you always will cry for him, but not as much. I cannot wait for the day when I can think of him and smile rather than cry. I am sure it will happen, but for the moment....not yet.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    God, I miss my mom!!! I'm new to this site. rayne081 Grief & Loss 8 08-07-2007 06:24 PM
    Miss my mom so much..... sarah27 Grief & Loss 10 07-05-2007 10:01 PM
    I miss me Heckofagal Thyroid Disorders 31 04-01-2007 10:39 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:04 AM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!