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Husband Holds Grief In. How Can I Help Him?

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Old 11-29-2009, 09:26 PM   #1
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Husband Holds Grief In. How Can I Help Him?

My husband was very close with his mother who died in July of this year. She had cancer. The last few months were tough and she had to have Hospice come to her home to help her with the pain management.

Before her illness, my husband called his Mom daily, saw her for lunch once a week and she was invited to all of our family functions. She and I became good friends the last few years of her life. Every summer we spent several weeks of our vacation with her in New England at a family home, though she lived in Florida the past seven years.

When she passed, my husband became very withdrawn and depressed. He won't talk about her with me. Sometimes I say that something reminds me of her and how much I miss her, but he says nothing. He's never shed a tear, though I thought he would cry a lot.

He is showing signs of stress. He has lost 15 pounds and is too thin. He rarely laughs or smiles. He has always been a patient and gentle man, but now he has a short fuse, talks in a nasty tone to me, always looks worn out and doesn't allow himself any relaxation time.

I know I can't control him. And I realize that people grieve in different ways. I tell him, I'm here if he wants to talk, but he holds it all in. It's so hard to watch him suffer and not do anything.

I feel better sharing my feelings when someone I care about dies. I try to tell my husband that someday he will remember how lucky we were to have her live to be in her late 80's and all the joy she brought to our lives. Isn't that how you keep people alive in your heart, by reliving the happy memories?

Any suggestions would help. I'm kind of new at this.

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Old 12-02-2009, 09:14 PM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: nv usa
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rekem HB User
Re: Husband Holds Grief In. How Can I Help Him?

Talk to the Hospice people about your husband's problems - Medicare has a hospice bereavement benefit for the family for 13 months after the person's death. He may just not want to 'let go' in front of you - it sure is worth a try.

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