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That day of each month

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Old 04-23-2010, 05:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1
Esperanza88 HB User
That day of each month

My Mom died almost 34 years ago and ever since that day, I have relived her stay in the hospital on that day every month.

I cry out for her when I can't figure out life.

Loss keeps me stuck in the past.

I see pros who tell me to do something different.

I live my life with the hope that I will see her again.

Then, when I stop my cries, I do slow breathing and other coping skills I've been taught. Gradually, I shift my mind back to reality.

Do you know of any new ideas to try?


~~Great memories make the best moments last forever~~

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Old 04-24-2010, 08:28 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lancaster, PA
Posts: 246
Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: That day of each month

Hi there.....I just lost my mom and yes, it's such a GREAT loss but I am hoping that how I am feeling now, which is numb, fatigued and really sad will change because I know that is not how she would want me feeling, certainly not for 34 years as you describe.

I think that you need to perhaps look at it from your mom's perspective. I know that my mom did everything possible to make sure I was happy and even when she KNEW she was going to die from this cancer she told me that she wasn't scared but more concerned about how I would be.

She made me promise that I would be alright and take care of myself and I intend to keep that promise.

I know that for now I must take this time to grieve and give myself "permission" to do so.

And eventually, with baby steps I will go on to live holding all the wonderful memories in my heart that she would want me to remember.

I think that your mom, like mom, would want us remembering all those good and special times and not have them overshadowed by that day in the hospital that she couldn't control and has taken up residence in your mind more than the good memories. That is what I am doing to make sure I don't get stuck in the mode of allowing my mom's life, her wonderful life, to be overshadowed by bad memories when there were far more wonderful and special ones.

We can choose what we want to remember of our loved ones and plant that within our hearts allowing it to grow, something that can never be taken away and can live on within us until we are reunited with them.

I received this poem just yesterday from a dear friend and I plan on printing it out and reading it whenever those bad feelings try to take over. I thought I would share it with you and it can be a start for you to move forward KNOWING that this is not the way that your mom would like her memory to be for you at this time. I hope it helps.


You can shed tears that I am gone, or you can smile because I have lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that I will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that I have left you.
Your heart can be empty because you cannot see me, or your heart can be full of the love that we have shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live for yesterday.
Or you can remember me and only that I am gone, or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your eyes, be empty and turn back, or you can do what I would want...


May God bless you and help you move forward to a life of peace and happiness.

(((HUGS))) ~ Ivory

Old 04-27-2010, 07:38 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Va
Posts: 20
CiCi01 HB User
Re: That day of each month

Hello Esperanza88, I kinda know what you're going through. It's only been a year since my dad passed and it reminded me of that day so much that I just had to sit in a quiet place and think about how happy he is now.

I have to tell you that my dad lost his mother when he was only 20. He grieved up untill the day that he died. He wrote a poem about her on the 30'th anniversary of her death. The end of his poem brought endless tears to my eyes. He stated: "Yes, love is reminiscencing, I will be strong and live!! for the Godly love that she provided for me, I must freely give!

The love that your mother gave to you can be expressed by helping others


Old 05-30-2010, 12:00 AM   #4
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 3
dontcare HB User
Re: That day of each month

I know how you feel.

It's only been two years for me. People say it gets easier, but I say the only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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