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Guilt over a loss

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Old 10-12-2010, 11:02 AM   #1
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Question Guilt over a loss

I'm new to these boards but I feel that I've been dealing with an issue for years and would love some feedback. A few years back my friend was hit by a car and died on the way to come see me (after I had asked her). I can't help but feel that I am responsible. If I hadn't asked her, she'd still be alive. How do I let go of this guilt that I'm responsible for her death? I understand it was out of my control, but I can't let it go. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Old 10-12-2010, 12:10 PM   #2
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Re: Guilt over a loss

Would your friend blame you? If the situation was reversed, would you blame your friend?

Your feelings are understandable, certainly. I think anyone would feel guilty. But you also know that it's not right to hold yourself responsible. You might try writing your friend a letter, or writing yourself a letter- but you definitely need to forgive yourself. You might consider seeing a grief counselor also, for help working through it.

I am sorry for your loss. That would be very hard.

Old 10-26-2010, 11:07 AM   #3
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Re: Guilt over a loss

Have you expressed the way you feel to your friends parents? I think you will find that they never even had a thought about you being responsible, in fact they probably feel bad for you that she was on your way to see you.

I have a similar situation except I am the parent who lost a child. My son age 23 was also going to visit a friend the night he was in a car accident that took his life. She had also expressed feeling guilty that he was on his way to see her. I told her that she didn't need to feel that way. That I was sorry that she had to go through a night of hell waiting for him to show up, she called & called with no answer. Until the next day when she found out what had happened. She suffered so much and I told her how sorry I was that she went throught that and not to feel guilty it would only get in her way of grieving for him. I also told her he would never want you to feel responsible.

Hope that helps. My prayers are with you.

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