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Missing Mom

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Old 03-18-2011, 09:48 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: erie,pa
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Pattycat36 HB User
Missing Mom

It was just a regular day. My mom had gone shopping with my daughter.I worked till 9:30 that night as usual. Got home from work that night talked to mom on the phone for a few minutes. She was happy despite all the pain she had every day. My mom had a severe back problem. She was on a lot of pain medication. Her spine was deteriorating. She was soon going to be confined to a wheelchair but still she kept going. She went early Christmas shopping that day. She always did that. My daughter pushed her around the mall in a wheelchair. They had a blast. We talked that night. Told her I'd call her tomorrow after work. Went to work the next day,got home around 5. Laid down for a while. My husband cooked dinner.Woke me up to eat just as the phone was ringing.Its my younger brother. He cant wake my mom up.My mom napped alot. He came and picked me up.We went to moms house and I went into her bedroom.She looked like she was sleeping. I kept telling her to wake up but she wouldnt. We called 911. It was too late.My mom,my best friend in the world died Oct.24 2010.She was 64 years old. Since then my life is no life. I exist.I dont live. My family does not exist anymore. My dad is like a stranger to me even though hes been with me my whole life. My brothers are just like people I know. Not really friends and not really family. I have my 3 kids and a husband but its not enough.I wake every morning and have to tell myself mom is gone. Dead. Shes not coming back.I dont want to be here without her but I know I have to because I dont want my daughters to feel the pain I feel every day,every minute. I wonder where is my mom now? Will I see her again? I hope so.Im not afraid to die anymore. Im not suicidal,I just want this life to hurry up so I can be with her again. This feels better to type all this out. These are my thoughts that I feel every day. If your still reading this,thank you for listening.

The following 2 users give hugs of support to: Pattycat36
grammadiane (03-23-2011),Ivorygirl (03-21-2011)
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Old 03-21-2011, 09:18 AM   #2
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Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: Missing Mom

Hi Pattycake ~ Losing a mom is so difficult especially if she was your best friend, the one you shared all your hopes, fears, prides and joys with and could open up your heart to knowing no matter what, that unconditional love would always be there.

Nobody could compare to that type of love that you got from her or had for her other than God.

Yes, that type of love is the closest that one can perceive being like God's love for each of HIS children and it is the purest and most secure love, that between mother and child.

And then suddenly it is gone, in one fleeting moment and it feels as if your entire world has been turned upside down.

I understand, I lost a brother and my mom 9 months of one another and must say that the loss of my mom has been so much more difficult to bear.

I was close to both, however, I am feeling the loss of my mom so much more because of the special love and friendship we shared.

It is still quite new for you but I do think that you may need some help in your grieving process.

You seem depressed, and although this is a part of the grieving process you seem stuck there and should keep a watch over it so that it doesn't become unhealthy.

I was finding myself struggling around 6 months after losing my mom, enough to seek out a therapist to talk things out.

It helped and I would encourage you to perhaps think about going to a therapist who specializes in grief counseling or even a bereavement support group where you can be with others who are grieving where you will find understanding and the ability to talk about what is going on inside of you.

Meanwhile, know that you are not alone, that there are some of us who "get it" and have lost a mother too and feel your pain in a similar way.

And we go on, as difficult as that may be, to live our lives to the fullest knowing that it is what our mom's or loved ones would want us to do.

In just 2 days it will be a year since my mom left us and my heart still aches to have her here with me.

And I think that I will always feel that void no matter how much time may pass.

I am sorry that you are hurting and finding it difficult to enjoy day to day life.

That will get better, it may take some time but you will find a way to celebrate daily life again, you just need to know that it's okay to do so.

(((((HUGS)))))) ~ Ivory

Last edited by Ivorygirl; 03-21-2011 at 09:23 AM.

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