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clarebethan 06-02-2011 08:40 AM

Its all falling apart
Hello to you all. I have coped for a long time but it is starting to hurt, and hurt bad. I have never written any of this down so here goes...

My beautiful sister died in 2006. She was 36 and passed the day after my 17th birthday. She died suddenly as a result of an epileptic fit.
2008 also took my school friend who died a few months later as a result of a drunken accident.
My step father died in 2007. He was 47 and I was 18. He died from Motor Neurone disease.
In 2008 I lost my step brother who was 29, he died as a result of an accident at work.
2008 also took my grandmother and in 2009 my grandpa went with her.
My father had a nervous breakdown and left the country with his crazy wife, and this year (january) he had a stroke. As a result I flew out to greece to bring him home to live with me. I am now his carer.
My mother has never been the same.

Meanwhile, I've tried to be strong. I managed to complete my A-levels with good results, I attended University and gained a 2:1 grade. Last year I walked straight into a graduate job. But now I just cant cope.

My mother is so depressed, she lives alone as a widow and a grieving parent. She takes her anger out on me which I've always welcomed but recently Ive been unable to take it and I also feel like she interfeers in my relationships, but just cannot tell her this for fear of hurting her feelings.

I work in the Beer Industry and I speak with many poor souls who are really struggling to make ends meet and I seem to be a mood hoover, sucking up all the bad feeling and projecting it on my life.

I used to be able to cope with all the sadness and negativity and filter it elsewhere, but now it is effecting my job - my boss has given me a choice whether or not the company is right for me. I don't know what to do, I'm so lost.

Orchid1991 06-21-2011 12:25 PM

Re: Its all falling apart
I am sorry you have had such hurt around you for so many years. That's really great of you that you managed to keep such a high grade while you have been coping with all of this hurt.
Is it hard for you to talk to your mom about how you feel? I understand how taking care of your family is very important but I also feel like you need to make yourself a priority. I suggested in another thread to look into a grief group, there you can share what you are going through and perhaps learn something from other people.

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