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I just need some hope, please!

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Old 07-28-2011, 10:53 AM   #1
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timteach2 HB User
I just need some hope, please!

My brother died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago at the age of 47. Our whole family is devastated. He was my brother but also my friend so it is twice as hard. I would like someone who has been through something like this to tell me when it begins to get better. My whole family is hurting especially my parents. I can get up, take a shower, get ready, etc... but I don't know how. I just want to give up. I am so depressed and I cry a lot of the time. I don't know if an antidepressant would help but I am willing to try anything (I know it takes a few weeks to get into my system but if it will eventually help it is worth it). I just want the pain to let up even a little bit. Any advice will really be appreciated.

The following 3 users give hugs of support to: timteach2
Ivorygirl (07-29-2011),SHARON1952 (07-31-2011),slenderella (07-31-2011)
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Old 07-29-2011, 12:16 AM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Langley, BC, Canada
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onedaysomeday HB User
Re: I just need some hope, please!

I'm a big believer in words and poetry and re-exploring loved favourites.

Perhaps make your way through his favourite activities or read some of his favourite books and try to imagine how he would have felt.

I've found that doing activities that bring me closer to those I've lost chip away a little at the pain.

But perhaps that's just me?

Good luck, hold on.

Old 07-29-2011, 01:48 PM   #3
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Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: I just need some hope, please!

Hi Timteach2 ~ So sorry for your loss....a loss that I understand.

I lost my dear 46 year old brother a little over 2 years ago & so understand how painful a loss that is. My brother was also a wonderful, dear friend to me....we were so close and I miss him dearly.

Unlike you, he had a rare illness that had him in Hospice care for almost 3 years.

So our blessing in disguise was that we had time to make this journey with him as painful as that was.

I would imagine the sudden loss of your dear brother was heartaching in itself at not having the ability to prepare yourself for such a great loss in your life.

It's been only two weeks and what you are describing is pretty much as I felt after losing my dear brother.

I felt numb and as if the world was revolving and I wasn't going along with it. I was there but as a bystander and barely able to celebrate the moments that were happening as others were able to.

I guess what I eventually found was in order to honor my dear brother's memory I needed to live life in a way in which he would and by doing so I was bringing him with me.

He was always so involved in family life and celebrations......I guess that is why I find myself even to this very day, missing him so very much.

As I surrounded myself with family and friends I found myself feeling better. For, each of us felt as if we were missing him but by being together we felt his presence in the hugs and joy that we felt being together.

You need to give yourself permission to grieve. Each of us grieve in a different way and you musn't feel the pressure of others telling you how that should be.

I would encourage you to be gentle to yourself and to treat yourself with some TLC.

Try your best to get out even for a walk each day and to a manicure if you are able to.

As far as antidepressants.....that is something you alone should consider along with the help of your physician.

I made a memorial collage of my brother and framed it.....I also journal and found that helpful as well.

You may find some benefit of seeking out a bereavement group with others who have lost a loved one who understand what you're feeling.

There are also grief counselors who specifically know how to help navigate you through the difficulty of the journey of grief you are experiencing.

It does get better as time passes although the feeling of loss will always be with you....just not as crippling.

They say the more you love the more you mourn.

One thing I have found is that when I am missing my brother I always seem to have a wonderful memory that fills that void that will bring a smile to my face. WE had so many memories together that I am certain will carry me through the many years ahead until I one day join my dear brother.

Our family also lost my perfectly healthy mom only 9 months after my dear brother and have been able to do the same to get through my grief of that loss too.

I hope some of this helps.....I am a little bit ahead of you on the road of grief shining a little light of hope your way that it does get better.

Try to keep busy with life and by doing so you will see signs of your dear brother's continued presence in your life.

If he has kids, stay close to them and you will be able to see his presence through them as well.

I just had my niece/Goddaughter come for a week visit and being with her brought a wonderful presence of my dear brother near to me.

So hang in there and please feel free to come here where you will find many who truly understand what you are going through having lost somebody so very dear to you.

Love and (((HUGS))) ~ Ivory

Last edited by Ivorygirl; 07-29-2011 at 01:53 PM.

Old 07-31-2011, 03:11 PM   #4
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SHARON1952 HB UserSHARON1952 HB User
Re: I just need some hope, please!

hi timereach sorry for your loss i lost my son suddenly on the 18th of june he went to sleep and never woke up he was 41 so i know how you feel we havent even got a cause of death yet my thoughts are with you as its only been 6 weeks for me i am sorry i cant be more help xxxx

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