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I miss my mom and don't know how to deal with it!!!

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Old 10-19-2011, 06:08 PM   #1
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I miss my mom and don't know how to deal with it!!!

I am 22 year old. I lost my mom last year to pulmonary fibrosis. She was only 55 years old. We were truly best friends. Up until now I was dealing with her death by drinking all the time. I just found out that I am pregnant so now I have to face this head on being sober. I feel so alone. Like nobody gets what I am going through. Everyone tells me that time will heal and I just have to deal with the fact that she is dead. Time doesn't heal for me. It makes things harder. Everyday takes her further away from me. I do know she is gone and not coming back. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I feel like I'm in a dream or something.
I am extremely traumatized from seeing my mom slowing die from this disease. She was healthy and within a week she was deadly sick. She lived for a year and 4 months after being diagnose with Hamman-Rich Syndrome. I saw how sad this made her. I had to see her not able to breathe without oxygen. She would fall down all the time. Doctors would just ignore her because they knew they couldnít do anything else for her.
I can't take these thoughts running through my head anymore. I feel like my brain is going to explode. I think about how sick she was before I go to sleep. I constantly dream about her, but in my dreams she dies all over again. I can't afford to see a doctor. I have nobody to help me. This is my last resort. I know I won't kill myself because of my children, but Iím worried about going insane. I need some serious coping skills. If anyone can help please! Please don't tell me to deal with it or that time will heal. That never helps, it makes everything more hopeless.

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Old 10-19-2011, 09:31 PM   #2
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Re: I miss my mom and don't know how to deal with it!!!

Hi there

I am so sorry that you had to lose your mom the way that you did at such a young age.

I have two daughter's your age (23 & 20) and I can only imagine how difficult it was for you and your mom to go through what you did during her illness and eventual loss to her disease.

I, too, lost my mom just over a year ago. I had her a bit longer than you but still, it is such a loss not to have your mom around especially when you have developed such a strong bond of friendship.

I had lost my youngest brother just 9 months before was so difficult for her to lose her baby and took quite a toll on her.

And then my perfectly healthy mom was found to have a rare bile duct cancer that had her go from perfect health to losng her within a mere 3 months.

Anyway.....I understand your loss and that loss NEVER goes away but it does get better with time and your ability to honor your mom by living in a way that would be her way.

That is what I do.....I find that my best coping skill is to live each day in a way that would make my mom proud and as i do I bring her with me.

It was she who taught me the way to be a good mother, to love, to celebrate life, to smile and to be strong even when it hurts to be.

It wasn't easy at first but I realized I could do one of 2 things.....I could crawl up in a ball and let life pass me by missing out on the blessings of each day OR I could greet each day as she would, embracing it and seeing it through her eyes as a blessing and not to be wasted.

I also looked for signs of my mom's presence and have felt it and seen it when I needed to whether it be the rainbow cloud that painted the sky or a song that comes on the radio when I am thinking about her with lyrics that say what she would say to me at that particular moment. I open my heart to feeling her presence and it is there.

Most of all, I feel her hugs and touch through my own family who are all pieces of her.

I miss her voice on the other side of the phone....I still to this day go to grab the phone to share my newest news or to ask her opinion and that is what I miss the most. Instead I have learned to journal my convos with her which really helps.

Be gentle with yourself.....perhaps you may benefit from a grief counselor or bereavement group where you can work through your feelings with others who understand.

Perhaps you can turn those awful thoughts of watching your mom die with thoughts of how she is now at peace in a place where she no longer struggles and is whole again and able to love you and be there in a way she couldn't be when she was so ill.

You are young and having to go through seeing your mom suffer from an illness like she did has to have had been so difficult.

I think that your mom would like you to focus on being the mother to your children as she was to you before the illness took over.

That is a way in which you can best honor your mom, by being the mother she was to you to your little ones and the new baby to be.

I wish you your mother's love and peace as well as comfort in knowing that things WILL get don't have to deny yourself the grief but you do need to give yourself permission to miss your mom while moving forward in a way that she would like you to since her passing on, realizing that she is still around but in a different way.....not the way you would like her to be but in a way in which she can be, no longer in pain and whole again.

Sending you ((((HUGS)))) and hoping you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone on this journey of grief.

((((HUGS))))) ~ Ivory

Last edited by Ivorygirl; 10-19-2011 at 09:38 PM.

Old 10-20-2011, 10:42 AM   #3
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Re: I miss my mom and don't know how to deal with it!!!

I am SO sorry for your pain. You are so young and it's especially sad to have a loss like this. I have some suggestions. One is to write a letter to your mom and send it up to heaven attached to a helium balloon. Another is to frame some beautiful photos of your Mom and place them around the house so that each time you see them you can remind yourself of the years where she was happy and healthy. Write your thoughts in a journal. Reach out to women who are your mom's age, if that's possible... I am 51 and you can correspond with me if you like (I have a 25 year old daughter) for comfort and support.
You will never "get over" your Mom. In time, though, being a mom yourself will help heal you, I think. Best wishes to you, sweetie.


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Old 12-08-2011, 12:43 PM   #4
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Re: I miss my mom and don't know how to deal with it!!!

I feel your pain, i lost my mum when i was 11 she died of cancer of the womb, i am 25 now and there isnt a day go past that i dont think of her! I miss her so much, i have had to accept what happend and try to cope, with it, sometimes when i am upset about other stuff i break down and cry coz i wish she was here to guide me, i dream about her all the time, my dreams feel so real that i wake up cold, i know my mum is looking over me and sometimes i can feel her presence, i believe your mother is always looking over you aswel, you will feel it from time to time, but it is nice and comforting, you will be ok hun, be strong and take every day as it comes, x

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