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just need to vent... sorry it's long

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Old 05-04-2012, 11:37 PM   #1
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just need to vent... sorry it's long

Hi... I am having a really rough time with my grief lately. In Dec 2003 I lost my younger brother to Leukemia. Then in Jun 2005 I lost my older brother to ongoing health issues. My mother was told when my older brother was born that he probably wouldn't see his first birthday. He was 33 when he passed. He and I are only 13 months apart in age and were very close. When he passed I felt like I lost half of myself. My mother was a single mom so I helped raise my brothers. So in a sense I have lost 2 children as well. This makes my mother angry when I say this because she is the one "who lost her children". My mom and I are all we have left and she's been pushing me away for as long as I can remember. Even more so since my brothers have passed. We barely even speak. She doesn't even acknowledge that I am hurting this badly.

Anyway... yesterday would have been my older brother's 40th birthday. I was so heart-broken all day. All my life I had him to experience the "big" birthdays right before me and now I realized that I will never have that again. I felt so lost and completely alone and cried all day. In the back of my head I knew my mother wouldn't call me yesterday... I have always been the one to reach out and think it would be nice if she made the first move for once. She called me this morning and said she had been thinking about me and was "bummed out" yesterday. I couldn't believe how cavalier she was being about it. I told me fiance about what she said and he said he had something to tell me that might upset me...

He told me that last night he saw what a hard time I was having and knew there wasn't really much he could do for me... so he texted my mother(these two do not speak at all) and told her that I was having a really rough day and that she should call. Nothing. Then he gets a text this morning (about the time I got a call from her) saying that she just got the message.

How could a mother be like that toward her only surviving child? I know if I had 3 children and lost 2 of them I would live my life in the back pocket of the third one...

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Old 05-05-2012, 02:30 AM   #2
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Re: just need to vent... sorry it's long

I am sorry that you are having to go through on top of your losses. The fact is that grief breaks up as many relationships as it strengthens. Your mother probably just has no spare empathy to is very hard, but it seems you can't have any support from her for now. Look after yourself, grieve in your own way, and keep the lines open. She may surprise you yet. Sera.

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