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Death of my child's father

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Old 09-13-2012, 02:06 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 2
mrsmojorisin914 HB User
Exclamation Death of my child's father

I am running out of options and I feel as if my life is falling apart. 7 months ago the father of my nearly 2 year old daughter died from a metadone/alcohol overdose in his sleep. He wasn't close with my daughter and had only met her 3 times but had recently taken me to court and was awarded visitation so he had his second supervised visit the afternoon he died. We had actually started to get along for the sake of my child which makes it even harder. My issue aside from the fact I miss him tremendously is that 1 month before my ex (with who I was with for four years on/off) died, I married a wonderful man I met at my work who I had only known for 5 months. At the time I truly thought I loved my husband but ever since my ex has died, I cannot stand to be around him. There are moments I love him and can be my old self but about 90% of the time I am thinking of how I will never love him like I loved my ex and how much I would love my life if my ex and I had worked it out and I had my fairy tale come true and we were a family. My husband has tried to help and be there for me but is sick of it and after many fights I finally admitted all of this to him and he wants me to choose to either snap out of my depression and obsession with my ex or let him go so he can not be dragged down with me. How can I get over my ex and stop romanticizing our relationship and even better, remember the love that I thought I had for my husband and see him for the amazing person he is and father that he is? He is ready to leave me and I don't blame him but I swear if I could help it, I wouldn't love my ex. But I do and all I do is dream of him, our life we could have had together and the guilt I have inside that my marriage and moving on caused him to start abusing drugs again and basically caused his death. Any help/advice would be wonderful. Oh and I am atheist so God won't help.

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Old 09-13-2012, 03:22 AM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 110
elizabeth62 HB Userelizabeth62 HB Userelizabeth62 HB Userelizabeth62 HB User
Re: Death of my child's father

Your husband can't compete with a fantasy, but don't forget he did very well, when competing against the real man. I don't think this is about your husband.

Maybe it's just part of your grieving process? I would probably talk to a therapist, as I am also an atheist and know god can't help.

Good luck.

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angelwish (10-16-2012)
Old 10-16-2012, 02:47 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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angelwish HB User
Re: Death of my child's father

I am new here and am late responding. I just lost my ex, too and can totally relate to what you're going through. I am doing the same thing.
Let me know if you are still around, maybe we can sort this out. I feel an unbearable degree of guilt and pain and it is straining my current relationship.
Please let us know how it goes for you.

Elizabeth, your words also hit home for me. "can't compete with a fantasy..." Whoo-hoo-hoo! So true! Words of extreme wisdom I also needed to hear.

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