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anonymous08 03-04-2013 08:07 PM

My deceased husbands family won't let me go
I was married very young and I was with the same man for six years and he suddenly passed away at the age of 27 from a brain aneurysm. It was very tragic and unexpected.
a few years have now passed and I have found love and I am engaged to marry. My fiance' is in the marines and is across seas so we don't get to see much of eachother.
Well, My husbands family is very close and very family oriented. I love them as my own family and always will. But they still expect me to be at every event such as holidays, birthdays, family gatherings ect. And I have been going because I know they love to see me and it reminds them of their son. I also have had enough time to be able to go to everything since my future husband is in the military. I just recently noticed how much it deep down hurts me to go to their gatherings ect. since i've been paying more attention to my own wants and needs. I feel like when I go it is a constant reminder that he is no longer here and I have heard from a few of them how hard it is to see me with someone new because it hurts them and they do ask about him but it of course isn't as exciting as it is when I talk to other people because I know it is hard and it's just different. It hurts though and I have come to the conclusion that I can't be over there all of the time.
So my question is, I need help figuring out what I need to do or say in order to politely respect my own wishes and not hurt them?
please help :(

Trish0102 03-04-2013 11:32 PM

Re: My deceased husbands family won't let me go
You better be frank with them regarding what you feel and make them understand that you can't forever live in the memory of your late husband.

Liarose006 03-05-2013 01:04 AM

Re: My deceased husbands family won't let me go
It is difficult for them to let you go because of the connection you had with their family member (your husband). Being that you are so young, I am sure that they know the day would come when you would meet someone else and marry. They have been there for you and vice-versa. I do think it is time to explain to them that as much as you loved your husband, you are sure that he would have wanted you to continue living a happy life with someone. You can explain to them that he will always be in your heart and that they will always be part of your family. Whenever they make you feel bad about moving on with your life, just simply keep telling them that your husband would have wanted you to continue living a happy life. You may have to include your fiance in your socializing with them whenever possible and they will get accustomed to having him in your life. You deserve to be happy and have someone wonderful in your life. Do not worry too much about them, as they have eachother for need to feel good about your new exciting deserve to be happy.

Titchou 03-05-2013 07:19 AM

Re: My deceased husbands family won't let me go
I had the exact same issue. My first husband passed away at 26 and I remarried a year later. I simply attended the events I could and offered my regrets for the ones I couldn't. I don't think you "need" to explain anything to them. Just tell them the truth - you've fallen in love with someone (not someone "else") and that you plan to marry him when he returns. Act with them as you would with any other friends/family. If they can't act appropriately, that is their problem - not yours. Life does go on and this most likely isn't the first time in their family that someone has remarried after being widowed. Just because you are young doesn't really make it any different.

anonymous08 03-10-2013 01:04 PM

Re: My deceased husbands family won't let me go
Thank you everyone, your advice has lead me into the right direction:)

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