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  • my dad died but i keep thinking i see him

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    Old 04-07-2013, 02:13 PM   #1
    beckylivie
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    my dad died but i keep thinking i see him

    Well in Sptember 2007 my dad died, i was only 7, it was 2 days before i started year 4. Me and my dad was really close when i was a baby but we drifted apart 2 years before he went. I could tell him anything. My dad had cancer and was blind in one eye.
    In the early hours of the 7th of september, my whole family gathered in our small living room because my dad went down hill fast, i remember him sitting in his wheelchair, and i wouldnt of thought this was the last time he would sit in here. After i think it was 3 or 4 hours of waiting the ambulance arrived, i waved him off happily and he waved back, smiled and put his thumb up, i would never of thought this was goingnto be the last time i would ever see him.
    My auntie and i went riding on our horses and when we got back into my nan and grandads house, my nan, grandad and auntie was crying. I didnt know why. They took me to the hospice where i skipped along the pavement until i saw my mum. I saw my sister who came from london and my mum crying, still i didn't know what was wrong until my mum sat me down and told me. I was so shocked i ended up laughing, is that normal? i went to see my dads lifeless body and kissed him goodbye.
    I am 14 and i still miss him like crazy ive had 6 lots of professional help including another one i am starting soon. My grief is coming out more and more, is this normal? I also think i see him in town alot, it is obviously not him but is it my mind playing tricks? I am sorry it is long i just wanted to speak to people about my past and to see if anyone has any ideas how to slowly over come grief? i'm sorry i have made a few mistakes because i rushed it!

     
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    Old 04-07-2013, 04:11 PM   #2
    sweetpotato13
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    Re: my dad died but i keep thinking i see him

    No need to apologize, it's important to get all of your thoughts out. The interesting thing about grief is that it is different for everyone. There is no "normal" way to grieve and no time frame for you to get over it. You miss your Dad and maybe the idea of seeing him around is just your wishful thinking. Understandable. You lost your dad at a very young age and that must make it so much harder for you.
    Everyone reacts differently when they hear that someone has passed. Yes, it can certainly be normal to laugh as a reaction of high emotion. That doesn't mean that you were happy that your Dad died, not at all. You are not a bad person, please know that. You were a young child and now a young teenager, just trying to make sense of life and death, neither of which are easy.
    You are perfectly normal and I wish you the very, very best. I am so sorry that your Dad died.

     
    Old 04-07-2013, 04:12 PM   #3
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    Re: my dad died but i keep thinking i see him

    No need to apologize, it's important to get all of your thoughts out. The interesting thing about grief is that it is different for everyone. There is no "normal" way to grieve and no time frame for you to get over it. You miss your Dad and maybe the idea of seeing him around is just your wishful thinking. Understandable. You lost your dad at a very young age and that must make it so much harder for you.
    Everyone reacts differently when they hear that someone has passed. Yes, it can certainly be normal to laugh as a reaction of high emotion. That doesn't mean that you were happy that your Dad died, not at all. You are not a bad person, please know that. You were a young child and now a young teenager, just trying to make sense of life and death, neither of which are easy.
    You are perfectly normal and I wish you the very, very best. I am so sorry that your Dad died.

    Last edited by sweetpotato13; 04-07-2013 at 04:12 PM. Reason: DUPLICATE, PLEASE REMOVE

     
    Old 04-08-2013, 08:16 AM   #4
    rosier
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    Re: my dad died but i keep thinking i see him

    You reacted normally by laughing. Some people do laugh at a funeral graveside, it is just a reaction to the grief. I hope you have had some grief counseling. It is never easy no matter how old you are to lose a parent. Seeing him is a comfort for you, remembering him as he was alive. Nothing wrong with that. A friend of my family, when he died, I heard him talk to me six months afterward. I was getting ready to go to Job Corp to get a trade and GED. He talked to me and told me that everything would be alright. It is a comfort to hear them. Nothing weird about that. I was 18 years old then. It has been many years sense and a great memory. You have a lot of memories of your father and cherish each and everyone of them and share them with your future children.
    And grief can go on forever. I still miss my mother very much, she passed when I was 35 years old. You never finish the whole grieving process, you have to move on, not forgetting the loved one. You will be fine. If you feel that the grief is too great, confide in your family. They are there for you. Hugs for today.
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    Old 08-20-2013, 11:13 AM   #5
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    Re: my dad died but i keep thinking i see him

    I think it's very normal... I just lost my father, I was very close with him until the end, but my brothers, especially my middle brother, was not. In fact, he hardly ever saw him, so when I tried to talk to him about it to see how he was doing, he just looked at me and laughed too and said 'I don't care, I'm fine.' I think it's a form of grieve, a way your brain copes with everything. It doesn't mean you don't care, it means you're kind of dissociating, like it's not reality, even though you know it's 'reality' does that make sense? I don't want to sound confusing, but that's the way I try to explain how my brother is...

    Deep down, I know he's hurt, but he's just being... himself and he's 21... even my 18 year old brother is coping very well with our father's unexpected passing, he's quiet about it when we try and talk about it, but he still is able to pick up his life right where he left it without to much distraction... and I bet your father would have wanted you to be happy because he seemed to really care about you and that's the important thing to think about, what he would wanted for you and he, like any father, would want you to be happy and that's what it seems you are doing and doing well. Big Hugs!

     
    Old 08-22-2013, 03:40 PM   #6
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    Re: my dad died but i keep thinking i see him

    sahmx2, you all are grieving in your own way. Have you all thought getting grieve counseling, it may help. Men grieve in their own way like we women do. We all cope in different ways. Thanks and have a great day. Hugs for all today.
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    Old 08-23-2013, 12:35 AM   #7
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    Re: my dad died but i keep thinking i see him

    Becky, it is wonderful you were close to your Dad, and it is particularly hard to lose a parent when you are so young. Sometimes we react the opposite way we really feel, because it frightens us to let the real feelings come out, like when you laughed at a time you feel you should have cried. It is a way of saying, No this isn't really true, because you were shocked and not expecting that news. It's ok, no one, including yourself, should judge your actions at a time of such intense emotion and loss of your Dad. Perhaps making a scrapbook of pictures of the two of you together would help you. You can have a special book to look at when you miss him, then wish him peace in his rest as you close the book, remembering that this was a chapter in your life that has passed, but you can revisit him and those memories anytime you wish. Many people see their loved ones, or hear them or talk with them in mental conversation after someone has passed. There is still the connection of your souls that remains even though he is not physically here. My Dad who died 3 years ago, tends to visit me in my dreams, and I remember what he said when I awaken. The final stage of the grief process is acceptance that someone you love is gone. That doesn't mean you forget about them or stop missing them, it just becomes more comfortable and less painful. I hope you are able to talk with your Mom about your feelings, and have another caring adult to work with until you reach a level of comfort.

     
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