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  • Mother's suicide 3 years later????

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    Old 04-28-2014, 01:55 PM   #1
    Jas
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    Mother's suicide 3 years later????

    So, I'm in a pretty bizarre place emotionally right now. I am currently dealing with a sever case of Health anxiety over Colon Cancer. I have a colonoscopy scheduled for May 9th, mainly to ease my fears, as my Dr. puts it. I'm 35 years old, married, with 4 young children. These past few months have been hell. My anxiety levels have risen to such an extent that I'm losing weight, losing sleep, and pretty much losing my sanity. About a week ago, I ended up in the ER with Abdominal Pain...all the tests came back normal, and I got some temporary relief, knowing that there wasn't anything immediately wrong. But my mind still wandered back to Dr. Google, who pretty much already had me dead and buried. Anyways, this post does have a point...3 years ago my Mother committed suicide, by overdose. Was I devastated? Absolutely! Did I ever really deal with it? NOPE! Did I make my children top priority and put my grief on the backburner? YEP! I also lost both grandmother's and a grandfather, all within these last 3 years. Back to the past few months...crying out of nowhere, wanting to sob...even in public. It doesn't matter where I am, and I can't control it. My blood pressure is through the roof, panic attacks, anxiety, withdrawing from my family, confusion, fear...Is it possible that all of what I'm going through has to do with my own body and mind making it's very own decision to begin the grieving process now? 3 years later??? Can this happen? I feel like I have nobody to talk to, nobody who understands how I feel inside...Could my own fear of death be related to what I've gone through? Please, anyone who could shed some light, would be greatly appreciated...I'm tired of living like this...I want my old self back...

     
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    Old 05-04-2014, 10:39 AM   #2
    MSNik
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    Re: Mother's suicide 3 years later????

    Hi Jas. Knowing you have a problem is a very healthy place to start. Im sorry you have gone through so much in the past 3 years..but lets answer your questions one at a time. First of all, anxiety. Anxiety is treatable, but only if you are willing to talk to a therapist or your GP about it. No one can help you if you dont address this...its a very real disease and there is medication and therapy available to help get it under control. You can manage anxiety, unlike a disease such as cancer. Next, when your body is under stress, anxiety, can play havoc on your system. It can give you stomache pains bad enough to take you to the ER and it can mess up your digestive track. Make it hard to go to the bathroom or give you the runs..it can mess up your skin, cause you to lose weight - all of the things you mentioned and more...BUT, not dealing with your moms death isnt the cause of this entirely.
    Not dealing with your moms death is showing up in other ways. Its not a fear of death, nor is it solely grief, its probably a combination of them, along with some guilt because you threw yourself into your family instead of dealing with it. which, by the way, wasnt necessarily wrong. Some people need to occupy their minds with things they can control, instead of looking at things they cant.....but, you are grieving. And, if you want help with that, contact either your doctor, a church, a local hospital or clinic and ask about grief counseling. Its available, and it will help you to face what you hadnt faced back then.

    The fact that you ended your post with you want your old life back is a really good sign. You want help. I am pretty sure its safe to say, your family probably wants you to get it. I wouldnt want to live with someone who was describing what you are, unless they were wiling to work through it and get help! Its available. You have to ask for it.Do you have a trusted doctor? Any doctor? YOu need to ask for a referral to talk to someone about anxiety and panic disorders, you need to find a grief counselor to talk to about your mom and your feelings now...and you need someone to monitor what you are taking and going through. IF you can do that, you can help yourself...
    If you honestly do not know where to start, you should call your local hospital and ask for someone who can direct you to a grief counselor...the social workers at the hospital will know whats available in your community.

    I wish you the best.
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    Old 05-05-2014, 07:20 AM   #3
    Jas
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    Re: Mother's suicide 3 years later????

    Hi there -

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. I was in desperate need of hearing all of the things detailed in your reply. I have an appointment with a Therapist on the 13th, so it's a very big start! The Therapist suggest I see my GP for medication, as there is a very big shortage of Psychiatrists in my area. So I will be doing that as well. I'm glad you were able to tell me that throwing myself into my family wasn't wrong. It seems like there are so many expectations when it comes to grieving, and I've always believed that everyone is different. It's just so strange, how suddenly, her death seems so fresh, as if it happened yesterday. Not something I expected 3 years later, you know? Thank you once again for your kindness and encouragement. I do have a plan of action, and will get my old self back.

     
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