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  • ALMOST DID MYSELF IN (MYOCLONUS TORTURE)

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    Old 08-05-2001, 02:13 PM   #1
    vernon123
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    Post ALMOST DID MYSELF IN (MYOCLONUS TORTURE)

    On Saturday, August 4, I had a massive muscle spasm attack in my left ear. (read my earlier stories). Having had a particularly two promising days, followed by five days of the muscle spasms getting worse, I lost all my wits and sanity. I screamed on top of my lungs "******!******!STOP IT! NOOOOOWWWWWW!". My heart was racing and I was panting with rage. Of course, this made it worse in the short term making the muscle spasms even worse. Then, I punched two holes in the wall. My blood is on one of them, hand cut by the shattering plaster. Then, I did the second most STUPID thing of all. I head -butted the wall, making a small dent. The dumbest thing would have been punching out my ear. I would'nt be here had I done that. Miraculously, the only injury I suffered was the base of my hand being cut. Then, I phoned my sister on her cell phone to tell her that I was going to carry out my own self **********. She talked me out of it and I began to cry like a three-year old baby, knowing how much my family cares for me and my stupid, selfish outburst. She and her friends came to my home to cheer me up. During this time, I took one 30 mg Empracet and one 2 mg Clonazepam pill. They calmed my nerves and dulled the maddening discomfort of my ear drum thumping again and again. Gradually, over the next hour, the thumping became less and less, then went away. I now admit that my problem is not only my ear injury. First I need help in reducing the symptoms of my ear. Second I need to be referred to a pain management clinic. Thirdly, I am seeing a psychologist to help me deal with my emotional reaction to this. I have a medical referral to a psyciatry clinic to help me with my mental illness brought on by my suffering and my life-long tendancy to anxiety, negativity, intolerance and anger. I must be careful. In the province of Quebec, it is very easy to have one's legal rights as a human being taken away. Had I ran into the ER, ranting and raving how I am going to kill myself, I would be in the Pinel Institute at this momment. Please, if you are suffering like me, take this as a warning. Things will get better. If you are alone, with no support, call a help line. Look in the Yellow Pages for self help groups. Most people reading this are suffering from one kind of pain or another. I wish everybody well.

     
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    Old 08-08-2001, 07:35 PM   #2
    maggie jane
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    Hi Nathan:

    I just read your latest message. Just want you to know that there seems to be several people that understand how you feel. Believe me--I do. My first symptoms of patulous eustachian tube began in April 1982. Can you imagine? I am so glad that no one told me at that time that I would still be fighting this totally frustrating conditon 19 years later! I have had so many tubes, operations, etc.--and they have not worked. In fact, i have had so many surgeries in my right ear--that I have practically destroyed the hearing with scar tissue, etc. I have 30% hearing left in that ear. Now my other ear is effected also. I don't dare start surgeries on it--i cannot afford the hearing loss..Today I ordered a Chinese herb from a doctor in japan. I read about it on the internet. He has used it on 800 patients with PET and has had good results in 70% of them. I am willing to try anything....I will let you know.....maggie

     
    Old 08-09-2001, 05:28 AM   #3
    rosalita100us
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    I think you are too hard on yourself. after I went through a similar thing I went through therapy and i was told what we have gone through is eqivlant to "chineese water torture" my noise was alway bad at night, and i still take clonzapam at night because I have a lot of anxiety at night about trying to sleep at night. I am still looking for an answer to my problem > i got treated for my avm causing the noise and the radiation cause this abnormal skin condtion which causes my ear to hurt every day.One thing I did for mental releif was to go somewhere very noisey once a day like a crowded mall where everyone was talking and I couldn't hear the noise in the ear. Also the engine from driving the car. i just tried to get some kind of releif everyday. Your feeeling suicical is not that unusal I almost drove in front of a truck. My doctor told me many people feel like you. Hang in there and make it very clear you need a solution, any solution! Even if it sounds drastic you can't live with this.Go to the most prestigeious medical center you have acess to they may have a solution other centers don't and tell them you can't live this way. get a doctor who's willing to try something.

     
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