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    Old 06-24-2015, 01:09 AM   #1
    dolly846's Avatar
    Join Date: Jun 2015
    Location: USA
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    dolly846 HB User
    New/No one to talk to/not a forum poster but could use support

    I never thought I would see the day that I would

    1) contract Herpes

    2) post my emotions in a forum setting for anyone to see.

    This being said Whew....Here goes. I got genital Herpes type 1 after my on-again off-again boyfriend of 5 years. No symptoms ever for either of us. however, 6 months prior he had impetago (sp?) an infection that caused sores around his mouth that is not a STD, but more closely related to Oral Herpes. A few days after we were sexually active I noticed lesions and without hesitation went to the Dr. the next day. I was correct in assuming i had herpes. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since i was 17. I am 3 1/2 years sober after battling a horrible addiction to painkillers. I was a highly functioning addict and balanced working full time and owning a business. I finally was to the point of accepting and starting to forgive myself. And now this.

    I am college educated and am back in school to further my education. I am very close to my family but have not been able to tell anyone about this other than my partner when I realized it. Our sexual encounter was considered a "last hurrah" as he had planned to move across the country and i was dumb enough to think that "one more time" wouldn't hurt anyone. He tried being supportive initially and I clung to this. In the past month or so we went from communicating multiple times a day to where we are now which consists of me contacting him, rarely ever hearing back sometimes for days at a time. He promises to call and then does not follow through. I am not proud to admit that I have continued to reach out for emotional support (which is hard for me to do) and am rejected.

    My initial outbreak was pretty typical to the horror stories I have read. Fever for days and a lot of pain. I spent days alone in my bedroom with the windows shut and the doors closed only getting out of bed to use the bathroom and shower. Severe depression. Crying daily and terrified to tell anyone. Wow. I've never even typed those words before...

    I do not know one single person who has herpes. Or anyone who is willing to admit to it i should say.

    Following my first outbreak which lasted about 10 days with acyclovir, I was symptom free for 2 weeks. Then it came back again and although I did not have a fever, it had spread....EVERYWHERE. Inflamed and swollen and filled with sores that were in places i didnt even know possible. I called the dr. and they agreed to put me on acyclovir (which i had taken with initial outbreak) 400 mg twice a day every day. I have taken it religiously and the outbreak I have now I have had for close to 3 weeks nonstop. Has anyone had outbreaks last this long when they have been on suppressive therapy? I do not mind taking this every day if it will somehow help me get my life back. but 3 outbreaks in 2 months? I can't catch a break and am beginning to feel like ive been handed a life sentence.

    I'm tired of lying to my family and friends when they inquire why i seem so down and out of sorts. I work with children and have for 15 years and am afraid i am losing touch with my sanity. (Not due to the kids)I'm also in school full time. I live in a house alone and my thoughts consume me. Everyone close to me is happily married (or just married) with children and i'm beginning to convince myself that having a successful and healthy relationship and children are nowhere in my future. And that i need to just accept it instead of dealing with the fear and rejection that comes with herpes.

    I look at people EVERY day and think "They don't have herpes." "And why would any man want to be in a relationship with the risk of getting this when they can be with someone who doesn't have it?" I am so paranoid of spreading it nonsexually to someone by sitting on their toilet seat, if someone wants to take a drink after me, even wanting to throw away all of my bath towels i use twice a day because they have my "germs" on it. And though i have researched everything and found this not to be true it is still causing serious psychological effects. I am not ungrateful for all of the good things in my life, but i am really struggling in finding anything to look forward to. I cannot look in the mirror because i hate who is staring back at me. Depression meds ruled my late teens and all of my 20s.

    It's taken me over an hour to type this. I apologize for the length but have no one to talk to about this. There was a reason i did not get back together with my ex and i am strong enough to see that i deserve better and that just because i got it from/with him that doesnt necessarily mean that he is going to be there for me despite him saying he is. Open to any and all suggestions. Thank you.

    Last edited by Administrator; 06-24-2015 at 09:38 AM.

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    Old 06-24-2015, 08:57 PM   #2
    New2dis's Avatar
    Join Date: Jun 2015
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    New2dis HB User
    Re: New/No one to talk to/not a forum poster but could use support

    I'm a 25 year old male and like yourself I have just been diagnosed with genital herpes. I only have about 2 weeks with symptoms and yes I know the feeling of " you don't have herpes." Initially I mentality struggled really bad with it, but believe it or not this site actually helped me release some stress of the thought of having hsv. Like I said I am new to this virus so I'm going through symptoms myself but I believe if you exercise and keep a positive mental attitude these flares/outbreaks will show up less.

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