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    Old 09-26-2004, 11:46 PM   #1
    its_not_fair
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    Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    Maybe its just me, but ever since I got Herpes, I am just not interested in having sex whatsoever (which is good cause I'm too damn ashamed to tell any potential partners I have this crap anyway). Sex isn't that hot, fun, and thrilling activity it used to be for me...now the only thing I assosciate SEX with is this g-ddamn gross, disgusting, depressing Herpes disease. Even when I happen to view porn or whatever, the first thing that pops in my mind isn't "Wow, thats hot!"...its "I wonder if one of them has herpes...". Its been 1 1/2 years since I got Herpes...haven't dated ever since and I'm not planning on it either.

    So is it just me? Or is anyone else mentally screwed up from this??

     
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    Old 09-27-2004, 12:01 AM   #2
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    yeah the mental process is the hardest part to deal with because of this disease. lol, at the thoughts that go through your mind when you watch pornos, and i thought i was the only one. im always wondering how they have sex with 100s of people and never get it or if they have it or etc. this that and the other.

    as far as sex goes though i STILL leave and breathe it, but then again im only 21 so my hormones are peaking. ive only had it for maybe 9months myself and ive told 3 partners. none of which left me because of having H, so i think to have a "positive" outlook on things is the best way to go about it or you'll just let your mind beat you up forever. i REFUSE to let this disease run my life personally as it did in the beginning. so i feel your pain about not wanting to do anything or the fear of telling someone and being rejected. however, when you meet that special someone "love" is suppose to be through sickness and in health. if its meant to be it'll happen but you shouldnt confine yourself to the limits of your mind and a pessimistic out look. however im sure my words arent very comfortable, i just wanted to let you know that is possible to live a fairly normal life even with Herpes. its all in how you carry yourself.

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 12:14 AM   #3
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    yeah i TOTALLY know what you're talking about, u are so not alone in this feeling. i'm an 18 year old girl and just got diagnosed with genital herpes a few days ago, and now i can't even bear the thought of sex. it just seems so not worth it anymore. it's like a slap in teh face....i did somethingi enjoyed and thought was so thrilling and hot, and now i'm stuck with a lifelong disease. and for what? for nohting. so yeah, i know what ur going thru and its hard...i know how most guys my age will react to me telling them i have herpes, they won't even wanna kiss or touch me, so i guess i'm not going to be having sex for a while.

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 03:12 AM   #4
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    I KNOW WHERE YOUR COming From . Ifelt the same way when i got diagnosed with GW. I have been keepin to myself for a while now. Bein lonely sux , But thats what happens when try to grow up to fast

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 09:02 AM   #5
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    By the way, guys----about those porn stars? They do have it. I read an interview with Ron Jeremy once and he said that herpes was a given in the porn industry.

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 09:32 AM   #6
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    I can relate to sex being the furthest thing from your mind when you are diagnosed with herpes but I guess with time my sex drive has came back a bit. I have been in a monogomous relationship even before I found out I had this and we are still together so he is somebody I am comfortable with reguardless so I guess that helped me not feel as bad as I would if I was single. But keep your chin up! Just remember, herpes isn't just an STD, it's a virus...that even children can get and do get a lot of the time from sharing drinks, food, ect. Many, many people have this virus and are living their lives just like they had before they even found out they had the virus! Keep your chin up!

    PS to MovingRightAlong...Yeah that doesn't surprise me either. I figure it would be a given. I remember seeing a porn where a woman had a few visable HPV warts on the outside of her vagina. When you have sex with that many people you are playing russian roulette. Hell even if you don't have sex with that many people, you are still playing russian roulette. It's a shame sex is such a risky thing these days. Back in my parents day all you had to worry about was getting the clap, crabs or getting a girl knocked up. Man, how things change.

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 10:07 AM   #7
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by movingrightalong
    By the way, guys----about those porn stars? They do have it. I read an interview with Ron Jeremy once and he said that herpes was a given in the porn industry.
    Rocco Siffredi said something similar...'Let me tell you a secret: in this business everybody has herpes, myself included. Every professional in the porn-world has herpes, male or female. It's the smallest thing you can get, it's really nothing serious.'

    Last edited by internet!; 09-27-2004 at 10:07 AM.

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 02:12 PM   #8
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    I wonder why people don't come out and support it like they do with other diseases or prevelant situations the seem to be affecting the masses, like male pattern baldness, erectile dysfunction, asthma, hiv, hemmorhoids,,,WHATEVER. Every one else has their sopkes person some well known person to make it go over with the public easier or something. Man I would like to see Herpes get a better "PR" team cause it really is not as bad as people who don't have it make it seem. And like she said even babies get it ( sorry I did not remmeber your name and sorry if I got teh sex wrong also) Really does not seem like I am getting any at all these days( LAUGH--LAUGH) nO TREALLY ON THE SERIOUS SIDE it is really not a big deal and if it is son common I don't see the big deal with some one or a group of people saying "yeah I have it, there is a 3 out of five chance that you do to, help me to educate everyone else and together we can change the stigma of the disease. "

    But hey I guess that is asking toooooooo much.

    So I guess we have to stare here.

    GOOOOOO TTTEEEEAAAMMMMM

    Last edited by anna-bananna; 09-27-2004 at 02:13 PM.

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 04:19 PM   #9
    Lacey Lilly
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    Hey there "its not fair",
    You are breaking my heart... I have read so many of your posts & replies to others, and hon you need to talk to someone. It is totally normal to be upset that you have herpes, but it could be much worse. I wish I could give you my email address so we could talk... it really seems you need someone to talk to & this board is your only outlet, the fact that you say you could never tell anyone about this "God awful disease" (your words, not mine) is going to just keep on building up in you till you explode. People with herpes are not dirty or skanky!! There may be people who have herpes that are, but there are also lots of people who don't have herpes that are dirty or skanky (lol, please laugh)
    I have had herpes for a long time, 10 years... got it when I was 20 or 21.. the first couple of years were definately tough... even though I remained in the relationship with the person who gave it to me (I got it from oral, we didnt know that cold sores & herpes were 1 & the same) I never gave it to him genitally & we had plenty of really hot sex with no condoms! I actually broke up with him a year & a half later because I was losing interest & met someone else... who aslo didn't care that I had herpes & I stayed with for years!
    I am trying to make a point here.... This is not the end of the world... you seem like a very down to earth person in major need of getting some anger out... DO NOT deprive yourself the fun & happiness of dating, herpes is not a life threat. I am once again single & dating, I have herpes & I date alot... I don't DO anything major with anyone without telling them, but I just kind of date & figure out if I even like the person because I happen to be very pickey (herpes has not changed that). I have never had anyone run away from me because of herpes, and I have not given it to any of my x boyfriends (Thank you God! knock on wood for future boys).
    I think your outlook on things is so sad, and you are depriving girls by not dating them!!! If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always hangin around here... don't hesitate to write!
    --- herpes is just a rash ---
    Lacey

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 05:17 PM   #10
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    You guys are all totally right...Sex takes on a whole different meaning now that we live with H. Its not like you can just have fun, or meet a guy or girl you like, and bond anymore...heck all men have a one-night stand almost throughout the entire course of their lives, bar hopping club hopping, or just meeting up, and hooking up, and they NEVER get anything...its not fair at all to us girls...i got H even though i was on birth control, and i made him wear a condom...so there ya go, even though it was supposed to be "protected" sex...even the word protected doesnt do ANYTHING for anyone these days...and also another point to make...is it just me, or now that you guys have contracted herpes, have you got increased attention from the opposite sex? Isnt it weird, all that time BEFORE when you were waiting for a guy or girl to come into your life, that was positive, they were never there, now that you have H, when a member of the opposite sex, likes you, and you get more attention from them, dont you wonder why that couldnt have come way before you had H, that way you couldve met them b4 you got the disease?...Its so surreal...before i got H i was so lonely, and was growing up way too fast, pushing myself to find "love" or "it" as id like to call it...now that i pushed myself too fast, ive ended up with my condition, and guys hit on me now!...its like what? how did this happen, i never got attention before, now i do, of all the worse possible timing....blah...i feel so alone now, and sex is something that holds a "sacred" almost virginal spot inside of me, it means so much more now than it ever did before, when i do meet that person that doesnt care about my condition, sex wont be sex, it will be love for real, 'love making', i just cant wait to "share" myself and my heart with someone again, and this time someone positive, who will treat me decently...good luck to all of u on that same adventure...
    always
    regretfulheart

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 05:32 PM   #11
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    Believe it or not....Things do happen for a reason.....Time will teach you-all this....

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 08:26 PM   #12
    its_not_fair
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ornament
    Believe it or not....Things do happen for a reason.....Time will teach you-all this....
    Well, I'm still waiting to find out what the reason was (maybe to stop me from being such a **** since I'd sex all of 2 whole times before I ended up with this crap).

    Its been 1 1/2 years...and the only reason its given me so far is a reason to want to kill myself.

     
    Old 09-27-2004, 08:41 PM   #13
    its_not_fair
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Lacey Lilly
    Hey there "its not fair",
    I think your outlook on things is so sad, and you are depriving girls by not dating them!!! If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always hangin around here... don't hesitate to write!
    --- herpes is just a rash ---
    Lacey

    Thanks, I think I'll be ok. I just try to turn off the whole "I wanna fall in love" urges we all get. Ya know...just pretend like I'm above all that and don't need it, because under no circumstances could I ever imagine telling anyone I have this...

    I know it might be hard to understand and seem so stupid to some people here that I'd be deprive myself of dating/love...but its like a pride thing for me. The risk of rejection and the guilt of possibly infecting someone else...outweigh my need of falling in love. I'd be really, really crushed if someone rejected me for this (cause that would just suck)...plus I could never live with myself if I infected some poor girl who happened to accept me and my disease. I'd much rather just die alone. The only thing that would bother me is the fact that my parents would want grandkids at some point...that part I haven't figured out yet.

     
    Old 09-28-2004, 07:39 AM   #14
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    Hey Its not fair. I wanted to share with you how I returned to dating after getting H from an ex. I met this guy I really liked, but I tried to stay away and I was thinking like you, that I would rather be alone. However, I dated him anyway, after we went out for a few weeks and things were getting more searious, I wrote him a letter. I know it seems like the easy way out, but I couldnt bring myself to tell him in person. Later that night he showed up at my aparment and said can we talk? He really just had questions, mainly how did I get it and how long have I had it. Then he really respected me for telling him and being honest. We ended up having sex (using condoms of course) and I was and am on supressive therapy and we never had any problems. He even tried to have sex without condoms, but I insisted. SO there is hope. We didnt work out, and I am now with a guy who suprisingly when I told him I had H, he had it too, but hadnt had a outbreak in years, so maybe the 1 in 5 thing is true. I just wanted you to know there is hope. Supressive therapy and condoms go a long way.

     
    Old 09-28-2004, 11:38 AM   #15
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    Re: Does anyone else HATE sex ever since Herpes?

    Dear It'snotfair ~
    No, No No......that's is not what you - want to do!!!!!!! God-forbid - NO!!!!!!!!!You've got to be mentally - accepting of it (herpes) and STOP trying to fight it. It is the only way to deal and yes, it does take time. For me, it took about 3-4 months, I can be very emotional, hence - I'm female. But, the more that you try to fight it & beat yourself up, the worse it will be (IE: stress- related ob's) It can take over your body - just for a little while. But, NEVER NEVER your mind - you will see this with time. And the good thing is that - it teaches us to treat our bodies and ourselves better. Makes us more preceptive and "in tune" with what's best for our bodies. IE: good sleep, diet, exercise, lower stress,supplements, etc. Plus, you can weed out the "losers" in the future....If they can't handle it, then you probably - didn't want to get involved with them anyway. ("the weed process") We all know, how difficult it was in the beginning, we've all been there, but it DOESN"T stay that way, only if your "mind" lets it. You HAVE TO GET PAST THAT POINT. I know, this may sound difficult, but you have to "take how you feel" - out of it. Kind, of like getting thru it without any emotion, I know it's hard, but it can be done, it just takes practice, try starting - RIGHT NOW! Are you in physical pain or do you think it's more of a mental thing? Which ever, it is we CAN HELP YOU deal with it. This board - is a god-send. Without it I probably, would be in a mental institution, by now. And guess what - I'm NOT. (LOL - friends, would think - that I should be) My point is you have to "for-get-about-it" as Joey Buttafucco and Tony Soprano, would say. Believe me, there are ALOT of worse conditions out there, that we could have, and we don't. (thank-god) Are you getting what I'm saying or does it all sound like ramble, sorry if it does, I don't mean it to. Also, you need to be on this board - every day......The moral support here is great - stick around and post every day - good or bad - we're all here for each other. Hope something here was helpful and we'll chat again, if you'd like. Huggs-Orn

     
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