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Do you have an STD?????

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Old 03-25-2005, 11:42 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 398
anna-bananna HB User
Do you have an STD?????

HEY EVERY ONE i REALLY missed you guys for real. Although I don't get to reply as much as I want to I am always droppin in from time to time and I just wanted to say thanks to everyone old and new for helping each other out and keeping things moving smoothly around here. (OMG) Did we just have a moment????

Any way I bumped in to one of my old high school friends a few weeks ago and not that I do it all of the time, WELL OK i DO when I meet some one that is really cool and I enjoy being around I sometimes think could this be him? is he the one that I need not want in my life? Even though it may only last for a split second and I probally do it to more people than I need to just for evaluation purposes. But the question is and I know that we have talked about this topic before but Last night I thought about a new factor.

I know that you can give out onformation too early but in the initial stages of meeting someone you get all of those routine questions out of the way like what's your favorite color, do you like animals, how mayn borthers or sisters do you have and stuff lkie that. Now I am not for just telling every Tomand Harry that I have herpes when I first meet that like "Hey my names Samantha and I have genital Herpes" but how would you do that??

Meaning what if the question comes up "have you ever had an STD?" Now that does not seem like an odd queation, but do you risk answering the question the FIRST time that it is asked, despite you don't feel comfortable enough? And how to you explain that ( THAT YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE answering ) with out raising suspicion? Really the other person may think that it is just a simple yes or no question with no grey area inbetween ( wich it is), but If you say yes they are expecting details, if you say no they you lied.

Which creats another problem of its own only to resurface in the future. Then you risk jepordizing (sp) your integrity mabye prompting the other person to analyze or second guess every thing that you told them after that, once you "come clean" Mabye leading that person to believe that every thing that you all have built together was a lie (story, I hate the word lie and lier just seems so rude). So how do you get the chance to decide when YOU feel like the time is right to tell the person about your sexual health fi they ask you about it before you want to tell?

Keepin' it real

I would really like to hear some resopnses on this just to see hoe others would OR HAVE handled the situation.

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Old 03-25-2005, 01:06 PM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 9
nativegirl HB User
Re: Do you have an STD?????

Hey Anna,

I am very new to this site and I was wondering the same thing. I met a guy at chuch almost 2 months ago and really hit it off. About a month ago I had a breakout on my face and told him that I had a cold sore....kinda left it at that. He had a couple questions and I tried to answer but I was afraid of the rejection so I didn't come right out and say I had herpes. Well needless to say I stressed so bad that within this last month I have now had 4 seperate breakouts on my face all in the same general area. I have never been so messed up in all my life. A lot of my friends have breakouts and they say it is no big deal and if he runs away then he wasn't worth getting upset over. Well I had to tell him the truth so I sent him a email and told him everything and he called me later that night and invited me over....the night was going well and thought he was ok with it.....well he drilled me for over 3 hours...all questions that could have been and should have been asked b-4 having sex (protected sex) but now that I have herpes and he has no idea about what it is and where you get it from.....he wants to know everything about my past and how many people and was it protected...etc.....he is a great guy but now I am the one having the problem because he says untill he has all the facts he can't tell me where he stands right now but yet we still hang out and we still have a romantic relationship. I told him I should have said something earlier but I don't just come out and name is Darlene and I have herpes on my face......he understood but I don't know how to handle this situation either. I don't think we will really become anything but for the future I would like to know too.



Old 03-25-2005, 06:06 PM   #3
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 302
hsvmom HB User
Re: Do you have an STD????? opinion may be naive since I was already married nearly 6 years before learning of my HSV. But, for what it's worth...

I would just defer the question until I at least knew that I would be interested in sex with the fella'. I realize everyone takes a different stance on this, but I personally never planned to sleep with every guy I dated. When I was first starting out with a man, I pretty much didn't discuss anything sex related until I was ready to consider intimacy with him. If I were dating again now, I would lump that into the category of "don't know you well enough to talk about this tonight" discussions.

I always said it pretty plainly, "Sex is something I take seriously, and I just don't feel comfortable discussing it with someone I don't know well yet. I'm sure it's something we can talk about a little later, though." I did get a few raised eyebrows, but nothing more than that. I know that everyone has to be careful these days and the subject of STDs has to be broached at some point, but personally I feel that is a pretty ungentlemanly question to ask early in a courtship.

perhaps I am a bit too old fashioned...
Mom to two HSV-1 survivors!

Last edited by hsvmom; 03-25-2005 at 06:08 PM.

Old 03-25-2005, 07:38 PM   #4
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: PR
Posts: 118
MarifromPR HB User
Re: Do you have an STD?????

Well 60-80% of all sexually active people have at least HPV the most common STD there is. Most people don't know about it until diagnosed. Mostly every guy doesn't have an idea of HPV when they have it, it's not even detected in STD tests for men. If you have sex you are inmediatly exposed to STD no matter the person is the nicest guy/girl in the world. One has to assume when considering having sex with someone that everybody is infected so that's why sex should always be taken seriously and be with only the one you will marry. I have had only sex with one guy and got infected with HPV.

Last edited by MarifromPR; 03-25-2005 at 07:40 PM.

Old 03-30-2005, 12:20 PM   #5
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: WA
Posts: 4
Cnfsedgrl HB User
Re: Do you have an STD?????

gosh, i was so misinformed about STD's. I found out 2 days ago that I have HPV, and i'm doing a lot of research on it. I didn't know HPV was so common! And i had no idea that 80% has it! that's really scary! Has anyone done cryotherapy? I'm going to get that in 5 days. I've been reading that it hurts really bad... but how does it hurt? Cramps hurt bad, getting peirced hurts.. what does it feel like?

I've been crying a lot lately, and my boyfriend is concerned. I havent told him yet because i'm really scared, and nervous for his safety. I dont want him to blame me or make me feel guilty. i went to talk with a freind last night about my situation, and he thinks i should tell him right away. This weekend, my boyfriend, me and a bunch of friends are going on vacation, and i dont want this to ruin the fun.... but when he wonders why i dont want to have sex with him, he'll wonder what's up. Tonght he's taking me out to dinner, and i'm thinking about telling him... but i'm so unsure.

Last edited by Cnfsedgrl; 03-30-2005 at 12:21 PM.

Old 03-30-2005, 12:33 PM   #6
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 138
GhostAston HB User
Re: Do you have an STD?????

If your boyfriend has had unprotected sexual contact of any kind, chances are he already has HPV, he just doesn't know it. There is no "right" way to tell your loved one unfortunately. The important thing is that you do tell him, but you are already planning on that. The timing is up to you.

Because symptoms of HPV can go years before showing themselves, if they do at all, it's near impossible to figure out where you got the virus. So with something like HPV, blame really doesn't come into play. I know it's scary, but you both can still have a happy and fulfilling sex life as long as you each know the facts. Best of luck to you sweetie!
Live your life, don't fear it.

Old 04-08-2005, 01:04 PM   #7
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 16
karenscorner HB User
Re: Do you have an STD?????

It seems strange that we all have such a hard time talking about STD's when there's a good chance that the person we are scared to talk to has had or has one. What is it 4 out of 5 people have HSV-1 and 1 in 4 have HSV-2 and 80% have HPV. those are some pretty hefty odds. I wish there was more education and openess about sex and std's. What if having a cold was tabu? Hey, its a virus. and I dont mean to be minimizing H, Im not. Iam just making the point that we as a society need to be more... well, educated.

When people start dating the topic of STD's needs to be brought up. It may not sound gentenmanly (as in a previous post to this thread) but times they are a changin. testing should be standard and safe sex practices need to be taught. We are about to see a huge increase in the number of STD's in america b/c kids are experimenting at a younger age with no understanding of what is really out there. to that fact there are a vast number of people out there who are clueless (weren't we). Educating yourself on something you already have is a hard lesson.

Has anyone seen the latest commercial about diabetes? basically, why arent there commercials about STD's besides AIDS? I mean they are more prevelent. Do we need H lobbiest's!? Too bad someone who is powerful doesnt have H, maybe then we would see some action. But arent we all scared to tell people in the first place? Where to begin?!


Old 04-08-2005, 03:31 PM   #8
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 95
youandme HB User
Re: Do you have an STD?????

Karen, I agree! Except for the fact that surely tons of people in power have herpes but they just donīt come out with it! Like you said, 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 have genital herpes, so surely people at the top have it too.

I caught hsv completely not knowing anything about the virus, itīs transmission etc.. I thought they checked every std in the regular controls. Wrong! I also had no idea how easily hsv is spread and probably didnīt know it was incurable. Iīm a well educated person but this shows how much I knew about stdīs really. Never was I educated properly about hsv, in school, by my gyns or anywhere else. I think itīs a crime that itīs not more out in the open! Too late now for me...I was also very ingnorant before about the fact that big medical companies charge huge amounts of money for medicacions, really never affected me. Now it does and it seems so wrong that we should have to pay so much to manage a virus that stays with us for the rest of our lives.

We need more education and we need to make this something which doesnīt bare such a stigma! And we need to get more money into hsv research, a cure anytime soon would be wonderful!

Old 04-09-2005, 06:49 AM   #9
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 180
Stillhope1 HB User
Re: Do you have an STD?????

Does this line of questioning normally come up with your friends Anna? I have never even been asked.

Old 04-18-2005, 03:00 PM   #10
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 398
anna-bananna HB User
Re: Do you have an STD?????

Just to addrss a fre issues first. Heck yeah there are folks at the tip top, and famous people too we all watch MTV BET AND VH1 when they have all that celebrity stuff including hook-ups. Yeah it would be great for some one at the top or incredibly famous to say Hey look at me I have it I have herpes. But they ar enot saying it for the same reasons we are not getting on the public access shannel and saying hey I have it too. Your'right it is just a stigma mabye it did develop over night but this certainally can't be fixed over night. AND it will have to come hard like, it can't be a gradual introduction to society it has to be very effevtive the first few times this is attempted. But the thing is people don't care until it directly affects them or some one they care about then things become increasingly more impertive. It just sucks that herpes has sucha bad wrap and even the people that have it get sucked up in that bad wrap also. I't not our fault that our society is do jacked up, but hey that's life here, so we have to do teh best we can do to deal with it.

About those questions, well sorta kinda- I mean no one has come out and said directly hey do you have herpes but It will sometimes be more sutle, like well di I have anything to worry about or we don't need to use condoms because I don't have anything( which is the most ridiclous thing that I have heard of< I am like BABY, if not anyhting else). But I would say half of the time those questions come up. especially is if is a sexual relationship. I mean I have had some people that have not ever asked me although I know that they would like to have a sexual realtionship right off of the bat ( wich was crazy) cause I am thingking I could have sex with this person and they don't even care that I may have and STD, or mabye it's that they don't care that THEY HAVE ONE, and don't care abut giving it to me. That's scary and you never know if some one is lying or not. If people can lie about being married and having kids or what ever folks lie about what's an STD. Now I am not saying that it is cool to lie I am just pointing out the fact that it does occur very often probally.

But I have had some folks ask me, way too early and I have told others way too late after i found out for sure and there has been a situation where I did not tell at all because of the situation,I told my my ex- boyfriend who did not believe me he just though tthat I was parinoid. And I have had sex and not told because I was not sure I have chosed not to pursure some relation ships because I did not want to get to the point wher i had to tell. Not to be nosy or anything but you are saying that no one has ever asked you if it was a sexual relationship??? do you mind me asking if you have ever told??

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