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married with herpes

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Old 03-29-2005, 03:33 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2
mathue HB User
married with herpes

The wife and I have just found out we both have genital herpes. I have hunted all over the internet for information about when and how to have sex--oral and vaginal--as a married couple since we both are positive. I do understand that we shouldn't have sex during an outbreak. But, what about the rest of the time? Is using a rubber the only way now? I've read that one of us could have a micro-type blister and tranfser it to each other. Or does it matter? Lets say I have oral sex with my wife, or she with me, and she has one of those micro-sores, will I now get some sores in my mouth? Or let's say I have one of those micro-sores on my penis not knowing it and we have vaginal sex, will she get sores in a few days? I belive that we can still have spontanous, fun sex if we don't have an OB w/o a rubber. Right?

We are getting over the fact that we have this "whatever-u-want-to-call-it" between the two of us, and it has actually brought us closer together. But, now the sex sucks, and we are so parinod with the whats, whens, wheres, whys, and hows to make love. I would hate to lose this 27 year relationship to this "whatever-u-want-to-call-it"!

Anything would help..........Blessings and Joy

Last edited by mathue; 03-29-2005 at 03:35 PM.

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Old 03-29-2005, 09:33 PM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 116
unlucky_guy HB User
Re: married with herpes

First off, how were you both diagnosed? And do you both know what type you have? If you don't know, you both should find out by either asking for your test results, or getting a blood test. Those things are important.

Assuming you both have the same "type" down there (either 1 or 2):

1) You CAN have unprotected vaginal sex without worrying about causing outbreaks in one another. Once you are are infected. More exposure to the same type of virus won't make it any worse (you already have the anti-bodies, and the virus has already set-up a permanent "herpes factory" in the nerve ganglia at the base of your spine). So in short, if you both have the same "type" down can have sex without worry. However, it is generally not advisable to have sex during outbreaks anyway...for reasons of comfort, and the slight possibility that it is possible to infect other parts of the body (such as your fingers if you happen to make use of them during the sex). But strictly unprotected vaginal sex is safe either way.

2) Oral sex is another story. If you do not already have oral herpes (cold sores), you run the risk of getting it from performing oral sex. However, if either of you has already had cold sores in the past, then there is nothing to worry about when performing oral sex on your partner. If you have it orally, its probably HSV-1, and the fact that you already have HSV-1 (which prefers the oral area) means that you are either unlikely to get HSV-2 (if thats what you have orally) OR that if you do happen to get it however unlikely, it won't make a difference because HSV-2 orally is NOT active (meaning it rarely, if ever, recurs in the oral area).

Hope this helps...and if there is anything I can clear up, let me know.

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