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Casual Sex - Is it out of the question?

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Old 04-03-2005, 02:05 PM   #1
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Casual Sex - Is it out of the question?

I have had H for 15 yrs. I just got out of a 10 yr relationship and I never transmitted it to him. I have only mild symptoms and I can't even recall when the last time I had a breakout.
I always read that "you will meet the special person who will care for you and except that you have H".
I'm back to dating & I have no interest in a serious relationship or to meet a "special" someone. I do well for myself and don't want to get Married again or raise a family.
My dilemma is how to handle (Responsible) casual sex?
H just adds an embarrassing aproach.
Do I just always tell the person and cross my fingers he won't have a problem with it?
Am I doomed to never have sex again as a single person?

Wondering if anyone else deals with this situation?

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Old 04-03-2005, 04:14 PM   #2
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H demands respect for yourself...

I have been thinking about what I posted and thinking back when I was dating 15 years ago. And remembered that having H can (in some ways) be a blessing. I mean, that in the world we live in today, it always makes you stop and think before you jump into having sex with someone.

You never forget you have it, therefore you always think responsibly before you leap and put yourself into a situation that may not be a good one.

It demands respect for yourself in the long run and makes you search for someone worthy of your time!!!

Old 04-03-2005, 05:52 PM   #3
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internet! HB User
Re: Casual Sex - Is it out of the question?

I dont know Ive thought about this a lot...and honestly, if I was symptom free for a long period of time and a one night stand presented itself, Id do it.

I know its not the most popular idea and a lot of people here will say its selfish and horrible blah blah blah mainly because the same thing happened to the majority infected here.

Lets look at it strictly scientifically and remove the stigma. When the same virus infects your lip, does anyone go "well, I probably shouldnt kiss this person without warning them I had a coldsore three winters ago"? No. It never happens. Besides that, no one ever worries about that possibility when kissing. Herpes just gets passed around without anyone knowing until they're symptomatic. Asymptomatic shedding isnt a myth by any means but its blown astronomically out of proportion.

Now, assuming the stats are correct and its as prevelant as we stress it to be on here. Realistically its to be expected that at some point or another you will encounter the virus either as type 1 or type 2, could be oral could be genital. Herpes is a normality or a part of life to be expected in some sense. Typically its with little to no symptoms. The outside group of the infected are those of us who do have chronic frequent symptoms, but even still I tend to think the majority of those with chronic symptoms or lots of OBs will see a reduction even without medicine within a few years time.

EBV is lifelong, EBV lives in the spinal column, EBV sheds, and EBV can have just as many immune system complications if not more than herpes. No one worries about mono because its not classified as an STD.

We separate our diseases because of whats sexual and what isnt and essentially buy into the same stigma we all so detest.

Last edited by internet!; 04-03-2005 at 05:55 PM.

Old 04-03-2005, 08:11 PM   #4
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Re: Casual Sex - Is it out of the question?

That was a very honest answer Internet! I am one who would never have known I have H2 if it weren't for "Ahh, what the heck, I'm in for my annual gyno check anyways, let's do a full panel of checks.." Lo and behold...when did this happen?? I was with the same person for 9 years, condoms the whole bit. He won't get checked because he's never had symptoms either. So now I know what I know..and it does change the course of casual sex quite a bit.
It's a tricky little more ways than one.

Old 12-22-2005, 04:00 PM   #5
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bobnot HB User
Re: Casual Sex - Is it out of the question?

Originally Posted by internet!
I dont know Ive thought about this a lot...and honestly, if I was symptom free for a long period of time and a one night stand presented itself, Id do it...
Thanks for that post. It was honest and helpful.

I've recently been diagnosed with HSV2, but have never had symptoms of which I'm aware (though now i wonder about every little thing). And I've been trying to figure out how it effects dating, relationships, and casual sex. I don't really mind giving up the casual sex. But don't most serious relationships start as casual dating that turns into something more? It's hard for me to imagine telling someone that I've been diagnosed for HSV after 3-4 dates. It just seems like too much information too soon. If the tables were reversed, and someone told me they were HSV positive after a few dates, I don't know what I would do. If I really, really liked them, I'd probably move slowly and think about it. But if there were any question marks, that would be a deal breaker. On the other hand, I don't want to deceive anyone either or put them at unnecessary risk. Damn.

Old 12-22-2005, 04:50 PM   #6
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Re: Casual Sex - Is it out of the question?

I don't think that it's fair to have casual sex with someone if you know that you have herpes...but on the other hand...anyone having casual sex is taking that risk and condoms is about all the protection that person that has casual sex has to keep them from STDs. I sometimes wonder if my BF didn't really deep down realize that his sore(just a raw spot from sex he thought) on his penis that he'd get about every 6 months was herpes. He swears he didn't have a clue but would he really admit that he carelessly and selfishly infected me...I think NOT! I'll never know the answer to that one! I have my suspisions and I know he's not
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Old 12-26-2005, 09:42 AM   #7
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Ornament HB User
Re: Casual Sex - Is it out of the question?

I share the same question....One which will probably never be answered???? {Hmmmmmm, did he really know - he had herpes????}But, really it DOESN"T make a difference, either way.....Just, not worth putting any positive energy into.....Doesn't change my HSV status........Just an opinion....

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