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My girlfriend has herpes - how to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with her?

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Old 12-11-2005, 11:10 AM   #1
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Ayreon HB User
My girlfriend has herpes - how to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with her?

Recently, before we had any kind of sex my girlfriend revealed to me that she has herpes. I really care about her, but at this time would rather not contract herpes myself. So I'm basically looking for the best way to still have a healthy sexual relationship with her and at the same time avoid the virus. I plan to use condoms, and avoid oral sex on her alltogether for the time being. I was also wondering if it is safe for me to use my fingers to pleasure her, or if that still has too great a risk. Is there any other advice anyone could give me about this situation? Your comments would be greatly appreciated.

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Old 12-13-2005, 12:00 PM   #2
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backpacker HB Userbackpacker HB User
Re: My girlfriend has herpes - how to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with her?

I am bumping up a thread called "Happy Couples" for you. It's a long thread, but please read it. It is all about couples in which one partner does not have herpes and one does, and what they do to protect the herpes-free partner.

You must realize that you can never remove all the risk of catching herpes, no matter what you do. On the other hand, you are safer with someone who knows she has herpes and tries to protect you than with someone who may have it and doesn't even know (many many people do not know because the virus is dormant or because they are in denial), or with someone who knows but is too embarrassed to tell you.

Please read Happy Couples. There's a lot of great advice in it.

Old 12-16-2005, 09:03 AM   #3
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keepsgoin HB User
Re: My girlfriend has herpes - how to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with her?

Yes to what backpacker says!!!!!!!! Many people have it and don't know it or know it and deny it or don't tell you they have it. If I were dating and had sex with anyone, I'd just assume that I have a risk of catching herpes...period...end of story! At least you can have half a chance if you and your GF work together on this and she tells you as soon as she has any kind of symptoms. I cannot say it so so many people have this virus and do not know it! 1 in 4! That's a lot of people!
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Old 12-21-2005, 08:44 AM   #4
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Re: My girlfriend has herpes - how to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with her?

I told my husband on our first date 6 yrs ago that I had herpes. During all these years we have been careful not to have sex when I had an outbreak or was prodromal. We just had our physicals done this month and his blood test showed that he is still herpes free! So it's very possible to have a happy, healthy relationship and prevent the spread of the virus. My best advice is to educate yourselves as a couple about herpes - what triggers an outbreak, what suppresses it, and keep track of when your GF has an outbreak and what you both think caused it. This info will help you both know her body well enough to hopefully keep you herpes free, and help you grow as a couple. Good luck!

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