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    Old 04-19-2007, 09:31 PM   #1
    Millay321
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    what I got for my 22nd bday

    well....for my 22nd birthday I got genital herpes.

    ok, well, I'm dealing with it. The worst part is is the stigma. I have always had a very healthy sex life with people I care about. I've always considered sex a great thing to share with someone you care about and have never had to deal with any "sex is dirty" feelings I know other people have. However, with contracting this STD, I have begun to feel dirty. I know I'm not; ....but the other thing that gets me is that I'm only 22 and I have never before worried about finding someone to spend my life with. I would love to get married some day, but I'm not in any hurry and have always been very self-sufficient and satisfied with or without a boyfriend. However, since I found out about this herpes "thing" I have started to feel this ceaseless anxiety about relationships. It just kills me that there is this chance that the next man I love won't understand and won't be with me. I know that this is pointless worry, it just makes me so frustrated with myself for feeling this way.

    It probably doesn't help that the guy I was dating and who I contracted it from (though he didn't know, and I hold nothing against him) considers us "dealing" with it by simply ignoring it. On top of that, we are not compatible and whereas before I would have gone my seperate way without worrying about it, now I am anxious and depressed because I know he's not good for me but something in me wants me to hold on because then I won't be lonely. I think the thiing I hate the most about genital herpes is that it makes me vulnerable.

    As far as outbreaks go, I feel relatively lucky. The first one was pretty annoying to say the least, but I haven't had any other problems. It's just this stigma thats the problem. anyone's thoughts?

    Last edited by Millay321; 04-19-2007 at 09:34 PM.

     
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    Old 04-20-2007, 03:35 AM   #2
    stasis4
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    Re: what I got for my 22nd bday

    About herpes and the guilt, vulnerability, and depression we feel....

    what should count more to a future life partner is whether we can be positive in the face of difficulties and whether we can take problems in our stride with grace and courage.

    Alot of successful people have herpes, and they have managed to find the right spouses//partners and lead a good life all the while taking precautions to shield their partners. Besides there are many people out there who don't have herpes but have something else like maybe severe allergies or arthritis or skin problems or whatever. Does that mean they shud not be entitled to good life partners because they have some condition ? If no, then why shud people with herpes be singled out ? Also with precautions the likelihood of spreading it can be cut down by as much as 75 %. If spreading it is the fear, then maybe in 5-10 years time there could be a preventative vaccine as they already are testing for one , like the recent "herpevac" trials. And in the same 5-10 years time, there might be a cure too because several researchers have made promising findings in recent years.

    well this is what some great minds have said :

    Henry Ward Beecher:
    "Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things."

    Maxwell Maltz:" We are built to conquer environment, solve problems, achieve goals, and we find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve"

    Last edited by stasis4; 04-20-2007 at 04:14 AM.

     
    Old 04-20-2007, 03:46 AM   #3
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    Re: what I got for my 22nd bday

    Dear Millay321 - Wishing you Happy B'day and may many many wonderful things come your way this year.......

    I hear what u say about the stigma and about vulnerability vis-a-vis herpes.
    After I learnt I got it too , I felt exactly the same one.....and I can't say I contracted it in a relationship that was correct for me.

    However all of us who have this virus are much more than this disease. And u r so young..just 22...your whole life is ahead waiting for u. What u have caught is a virus that is very easy to catch and very widespread and unfortunately, it's a disease that often is even missed by doctors and imprecise blood tests.....and this virus is 99% identical to the less tabooed
    "cold sore" virus......so we shud not penalise ourselves with guilt over a situation where the odds do seem to be against us because the virus is very prevalent.

    You are the sum total of many great qualities, abilities and talent just as any individual is. And even though u have this virus, u can have a very productive and meaningful, beautiful life as u have alot to offer others if u so choose.
    All these things would make you a great partner for the right person out there.

    So focus on your strengths and don't let negative thoughts obstruct you from creating a great life for urself. Be a great person and then herpes will be a small thing that won't count for much when u offer someone that chance to spend their life with you.

    Also, with proper preventatives and some care, u can reduce the liklihood of passing it on to someone else. It may even foster creativity on your part
    to come up with other pleasure enhancing ways while having sex with someone u care about.

    Alot of research is and has been done to find a cure. And indeed some researchers believe they have already found the cure...it is now a matter of advancing them to human trials, getting the scientific community to accept
    their cure and then find investor companies to bring it to market. Who knows maybe in the next 5-10 years there just might be the cure out in the market. I infact emailed one such researcher at the Uuniversity of Montana who believes his vaccine will also work as a cure. and there are other researchers too like him.

    Maybe this experience can help u and all of us with this to exercise our "courage muscles" . Here I would like to leave u some food for thought :

    Norman Vincent Peale: Inspirational Quotes: Overcoming Adversity
    "Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm"

    Best wishes for a wonderful future.

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 06:37 PM   #4
    kaley982
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    Re: what I got for my 22nd bday

    Me too. H was my 22nd birthday present.
    I'm 26 now.

    I can tell you this:
    I have had 3 serious boyfriends since then.
    And 2 not so serious boyfriends.

    I was honest with them all, and not one of them left me, judged me, or bailed because of it.

    I can relate with your insecurities though. I find myself (like with my last boyfriend) sticking around longer than I would have without H. Like, maybe hes the last guy that will ever love me. He treated me like garbage, physically and verbally, but I took it because I thought that he may be my last chance.

    I was dead.wrong.

    I look at it like this: its a great guy filter. If they are garbage, they will be scared off, meaning -- they don't really care about you for you. If they stick around, then they are there for the right reasons.

    Chin up! I've had it for 4 years and only had my first initial outbreak -- not taking any meds!!

     
    Old 04-27-2007, 09:38 PM   #5
    Millay321
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    Re: what I got for my 22nd bday

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kaley982 View Post
    Me too. H was my 22nd birthday present.
    I'm 26 now.

    I can tell you this:
    I have had 3 serious boyfriends since then.
    And 2 not so serious boyfriends.

    I was honest with them all, and not one of them left me, judged me, or bailed because of it.

    I can relate with your insecurities though. I find myself (like with my last boyfriend) sticking around longer than I would have without H. Like, maybe hes the last guy that will ever love me. He treated me like garbage, physically and verbally, but I took it because I thought that he may be my last chance.

    I was dead.wrong.

    I look at it like this: its a great guy filter. If they are garbage, they will be scared off, meaning -- they don't really care about you for you. If they stick around, then they are there for the right reasons.

    Chin up! I've had it for 4 years and only had my first initial outbreak -- not taking any meds!!
    hey, thank you very much for the words of encouragement. This thing has made me realize how amazingly resilient I am. That's a good way of looking at it...a guy filter. ha!

    Thanks again

     
    Old 04-29-2007, 03:11 PM   #6
    spirit9
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    Re: what I got for my 22nd bday

    Hey girl! I will tell you this: I agree with the post above. It is an excellent guy filter. Just make sure you tell the next guy you are interested in before any sexual activity. Otherwise, he will feel like you are "dropping a bomb" on him. Trust me, there are plenty of guys who would love you regardless of any STD you may have. Herpes is nothing in comparison to all that is out there. Plus, herpes generally fades after time. Many people become outbreak free depending on lifestyle, healthy eating (broccoli) or for others, preventative therapy. Talk to a doctor and he will give you tips on how to prevent outbreaks. Many doctors have been researching a cure.

     
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