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Just Got "The Phonecall" From My Ex.

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Old 01-08-2008, 03:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Conway, Arkansas, USA
Posts: 1
Atph HB User
Just Got "The Phonecall" From My Ex.

Hello all! I'm new to this forum....I've taken a few minutes to look around and you all seem very friendly and mature. I'm afraid that I'm not yet ready to bring this to my friends and feel like this would be the best way to get any sort of help/advice/solice at the moment.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 months a few weeks ago. He called me this afternoon to let me know that he had been to the doctor and that he had been told that he had Herpes, Strain 2. (sorry if my lingo is incorrect)

I haven't yet gone to my doctor. I have an appointment for thursday...but I haven't seen ANY symptoms at all or notice anything "odd" about myself. I understand that I could have it and not know....but now, I'm panicking. What if I *do*? How could I ever hope to have a *normal* relationship with another man? How could it affect my overall health? Can I have kids?

Of course, I don't know yet. This boyfriend and I did have sex without condoms (I'm on birth control). What are the chances that I have contracted herpes?

I'm terrified. Any advice or thoughts would be GREATLY appreciated.

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Old 01-08-2008, 05:34 PM   #2
matter of time
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 930
matter of time HB User
Re: Just Got "The Phonecall" From My Ex.

This is a puzzle. You broke up a few weeks ago and now he has herpes.
It is possible he got it RIGHT AFTER you broke up???
Is it possible you had it without knowing and gave it to him?

What motivated him to get tested? If it was a first bad outbreak, it is possible he got it after you broke up.

If your doctor does a blood test and you test positive, it means you had it about 3 months. If positive, you still won't know for sure who gave it to who unless he was your first sex partner. If negative, you'll have to retest in another 3 or 6 months to be absolutely sure.

If you do have it, you can have a normal relationship with men (even better because it will be guys who think you are worth the risk), it won't affect your overall health and you can have normal babies. Herpes won't affect your fertility either.

If he did not have any signs of herpes when he was with you, there is a very good chance you do not have it. But be aware most of the time it is spread when no symptoms are present.

Most people don't talk about this with their friends so think long and hard before doing that. You didn't say how old you are but you'd probably be surprised who has herpes.

You are doing the right thing, researching, getting tested and getting the facts. Let's hope you don't have it but if you do, you can have support here.

Old 01-08-2008, 05:49 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 263
over21 HB User
Re: Just Got "The Phonecall" From My Ex.

Herpes is a very very common virus, with a very bad rap and social stigma.

Do you research on Herpes, I suggest reading the 'Herpes HandBook' from Terri Warren. It's a long read, but very informative.

Some basic info; Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV) comes in two types, HSV1 and HSV2. The norm is oral HSV1 and Genital HSV2. However, you can have either type, HSV1 or HSV2 in either and or both location, Oral or Genital.

60-80% of the world population has oral HSV1 also known as coldsores or fever blisters, many getting it as children when getting kissed from a family member. 25% of the adult population has genital HSV2, yet 90% don't know it cause the symptoms are so mild they go unnoticed or misdiagnosed as yeast or jock itch. Next time you're at the office or school, look around, if there are 100 people in your class/office, 25 will have genital herpes, but only 2 will know it.

Not having symptoms means nothing. You, couples, can go years, even 10-15 years, without knowing.

Don't assume your doctor is up to speed on Herpes or proper testing, many are not. You don't need symptoms to get blood tested. And yes you can get tested now.

The proper test is an IgG type specific blood test, HerpeSelect is the most common brand. Skip the older IgM test, those results are worthless. If your doctor order an IgM test, make him/her pay for it. The recommend waiting period is 12-16 weeks post last possible exposure.

A herpes test is not included in a standard STD exam, you have to request it. The doctor may say all your blood work is fine, but it doesn't mean they tested for herpes. Be sure and get hard copies of your results in case you have more questions.

The thing about herpes is there's no way to determine how long you're had it unless you get herpes tested on a regular basis. So, if your test is positive, there no way to tell how long you've had it, if your ex just gave it you, if you gave it to him, or if you both had it prior to meeting each other. There's is no smoking gun and no finger can be pointed. Having symptoms or not having them mean nothing.

Yes, women can still have kids who have HSV.
Do your research!

Using your favorite search tool look up the following:
Herpes Hand Book
Herpes Home Page
IgM worthless test
Proper Herpes testing

Hope this helps

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