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Can i still have sex with someone who has herpes

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Old 01-02-2001, 04:48 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 1
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Can i still have sex with someone who has herpes

hi. well first off, i am a girl but ok heres my story:
one of my guy friends has herpes. (genital) i performed oral sex on him about 4-5 months ago, but did not contract the herpes. i was wondering if there is any way i can still have sex with him without contracting herpes? if so, how can i have sex with him without getting herpes and what should i do?
please respond to this, i really need advice/help/tips. thank you
also: is it less likely to get herpes from performing oral sex than it is to get herpes from sexual intercourse??
oh, one more thing: how can i tell if the herpes are not in their infectous stage so i dont contract them???
thanks so much!!!!!! please reply and help me!

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Old 01-03-2001, 09:21 AM   #2
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: California, USA
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Re: Can i still have sex with someone who has herpes

Well, the funny thing about herpes is that it's very contagious, sometimes even during a latent period (but I don't want to scare you!). You can definitely have sex and not contract it, or you can contract it and never show symptoms, or you can contract it immediately. It's a strange little virus.

To avoid contracting the virus, you want to avoid any sexual contact during an active outbreak or the pre-outbreak stage. An outbreak tends to look like small blistered bumps, red, sometimes with white tops that have broken/scabbed over. The pre-outbreak stage may include tingling in the area of a usual outbreak, dull pain in the back, the thighs or the butt. Herpes is contagious even in the tingling stage prior to an outbreak, so if he is having any outbreak warning signs, just avoid sexual contact. And if you or he touch the area of an outbreak, wash your hands, don't share towels during this time's rare, but occasionally the infection can spread just from secondary contact. Basically, just be safe around eachother during an outbreak. (And the best way to tell if he's infectious is to ask him directly, if you can't tell or if his outbreaks occur in hard to see areas.)

As for getting herpes performing oral vs. sexual intercourse...the bad news is that herpes can be contracted either way and it isn't picky about where it goes. There is no one type of sex where it is less likely to be contracted. If your boyfriend has genital herpes and you perform oral sex, you could contract it in your mouth/on your lips quite easily, and just as easily can contract it vaginally after you definitely want to be careful.

You asked if there was any way you could have sex with him without contracting herpes: sure you can. Just be safe around the outbreak/preoutbreak times and abstain from sexual contact (either oral or vaginal), and during latent periods have all the sex you want (protected of course...use condoms as extra insurance against atypical transmission).

Good luck! And thanks for asking...a lot of people won't stick around and find out the truth about the virus. The best thing you can do is find out all the info you can. Do research online and read books at your local bookstore/library. (A good one to read is The Truth About Herpes by Stephen L. Sacks.)

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