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  • What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

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    Old 11-27-2010, 08:37 AM   #1
    CTReader17
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    Unhappy What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    I'm going straight to hell, no question about it.

    Told my girlfriend I had contracted herpes in my early 20s (we are both in our late 40s and divorced), but I had not had a serious outbreak in a couple of years. Anyway, turns out shortly after we had been intimate (unprotected), I had a monster outbreak and now I am 99% sure I infected her. This angel doesn't realize what it is, bless her heart, but I know by how she describes her flu-like symptoms. Yes, I know what a b*stard I am, but now I am trying to decide what is the best thing for her moving forward.

    I am trying to figure out what to tell her. I will own up to it, but what is the best thing to tell her for her physical and emotional well being? Should I suggest she get on antiviral drugs asap? Should I not tell her anything, since neither one of us will be intimate with another? What is the best thing for her to hear from me?

    Especially interested in hearing the viewpoints of people over 40.

    Last edited by CTReader17; 11-27-2010 at 08:38 AM.

     
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    Old 11-27-2010, 12:17 PM   #2
    amyd
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    Re: What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    Quote:
    but I know by how she describes her flu-like symptoms
    Flu like symptoms may simply mean she is getting the flu; however the very painful blisters would be a dead give-a-way. And. . .since this would be her first outbreak, it would be particularly bad.
    Quote:
    Told my girlfriend I had contracted herpes in my early 20s (we are both in our late 40s and divorced), but I had not had a serious outbreak in a couple of years.
    You already informed her apparently from the beginning, of your condition and the fact that she did not insist on you wearing any protection, implies that she was willing to take the risk.
    I too, was in my early 20's (am now mid-50's) when I was "given the gift that just keeps giving and giving"! However, the AMAZING THING IS THAT NOBODY EVERY CONTRACTED IT FROM ME -- Don't know why, except perhaps I am merely a "carrier"
    Quote:
    What is the best thing for her to hear from me?
    That you recently had another outbreak a few days after sex, i.e., you were totally UNAWARE, that she may or may not have contracted it. That you are terribly sorry and will agree to do anything to try and make it up to her, if indeed she does have it.

     
    Old 11-27-2010, 01:06 PM   #3
    CTReader17
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    Re: What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    No blisters - at least not that she has told me about - but serious vaginal itching which she thinks is a yeast infection.

     
    Old 11-27-2010, 02:07 PM   #4
    writeleft
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    Re: What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    Tell her the truth, so she can go about getting herself tested and treated if necessary. Why is it that you do not insist on protected sex knowing that you have herpes? I hope for both of your sakes, that she is free and clear, but do let her know of the possibility before another day goes by...the longer you wait, the less chance that she will be understanding to you.

     
    Old 11-29-2010, 08:33 AM   #5
    Nihilistic
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    Re: What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    awww, CT. Please read my story and know I can give you a honest answer to your question (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=824525).

    Best thing to do is have her tested, go with her to the doctors. Talk to the doctors about treatment. She MAY just have the flu.

    You explained to her, you had herpes, you WERE honest and up front about it. You never would have done this to her on purposem(if she even has it), please try to ease your mind.

    Show her, you support her and all her feelings (be them good or bad). Allow her, her feelings. STOP second guessing things you should have done, not done. Go forward from HERE. Trusting in your love, hold hands and move forward together.

     
    Old 12-01-2010, 02:44 PM   #6
    CTReader17
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    Re: What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
    Why is it that you do not insist on protected sex knowing that you have herpes? I hope for both of your sakes, that she is free and clear, but do let her know of the possibility before another day goes by...the longer you wait, the less chance that she will be understanding to you.
    Why? Because I am a thoughtless sh*t, that's why.

    However, after reading the responses on the board I did tell her that I very likely have transmitted herpes to her.

     
    Old 12-01-2010, 02:54 PM   #7
    CTReader17
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    Re: What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nihilistic View Post
    awww, CT. Please read my story and know I can give you a honest answer to your question (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=824525).

    Best thing to do is have her tested, go with her to the doctors. Talk to the doctors about treatment. She MAY just have the flu.
    After reading the responses on the board, I told her that I likely have transmitted it to her. She is concerned but very sweet about it saying that I was up front about it with my having it. But I can tell that it is weighing on her mind as well it should.

    I can't tell you how completely awful I feel about this. It is all I can muster to avoid falling into a complete depression about what I have done to her. Of course, I have to be careful sharing those feelings with her because then she'll start thinking that she has to make me feel feel better because of what I did to her.

    I have strongly suggested she go to a gynecologist and get it checked out (I am 99% certain). Is that the proper doctor? She is resistant because she is really not big on doctors. Besides saying "yeah you got that" what can the doctor actually do for her?

     
    Old 12-01-2010, 03:07 PM   #8
    EagleRiverDee
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    Re: What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    I'd explain it to her and if she concurs that her symptoms match the indicators of an impending herpes outbreak then she should go on antivirals right away- it could help keep the OB from being as awful as most of us remember our first OB being.

    For what it's worth- I don't think you're an awful person. You told her up front you were a carrier. I think the main thing is that you might have been under the impression that since you hadn't had an OB in years that you couldn't pass the virus along. Although the virus is more easily transmitted just prior to and during an OB, it can be transmitted at any time if the virus is actively shedding. Shedding can occur with no symptoms.

     
    Old 12-01-2010, 03:26 PM   #9
    Truthseek
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    Re: What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    <<I have strongly suggested she go to a gynecologist and get it checked out (I am 99% certain). Is that the proper doctor? She is resistant because she is really not big on doctors. Besides saying "yeah you got that" what can the doctor actually do for her>>

    If she is showing active symptoms the doctor could do a swab culture and 'type' it for both HSV 1 and 2. Also I would ask for the IgG Herpes Select blood test for both 1 and 2 at the same time. That will give a baseline.
    (Fellow CT person here - waving hello. )
    __________________
    HSV-2 positive. Found out 9-27-07. Flu-like symptom 6-7-07.
    Year one outbreaks Sep Oct Nov Dec Apr Jun. Ugh.
    Year two outbreaks Dec Apr/May

     
    Old 12-02-2010, 06:36 PM   #10
    BabyA
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    Re: What do I tell my girlfriend? Almost certain I gave her herpes.

    I have been reading these posts and just needed to write to set your mind at ease somewhat.

    When I first started dating my now husband, he informed he had Herpes (type 2) on our first date. I was amazed by his honesty and appreciate it so very much. It did not change my feelings for him, and it did not cause me to have second thoughts.

    After we had been together for about 7 months, I contracted herpes. I had a terrible onset complete with abdominal pain and a fever of almost 103. My now husband had to take me to the Dr by lifting me into the car because I could hardly walk, the pain was so intense.

    I was diagnosed, cried my eyes out, and dealt with the new life altering diagnosis for a few weeks in my head, but NEVER once resented him, blamed him, or stopped loving him.

    Have faith in your girlfriend and how much she cares for you. You were honest with her and while you will never feel good that you gave it to her, it cannot be changed. My husband and I have been together for 4 years now, married for almost 3. He felt so awful when I contracted herpes from him that my OWN heart was breaking. Be supportive. Be kind. Let her know it's not the end of the world. And if you both love each other and plan to be together, it doesn't much matter if you both now have it. Please breathe.

    As someone in her shoes, it was hard. Very hard. But the devastation passes while the love never goes away. Take heart.

     
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