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Herpes scare...I've never had an outbreak, can I still have it/pass it?

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Old 10-12-2011, 12:58 PM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Boston, MA, USA
Posts: 2
gl0riesfade HB User
Herpes scare...I've never had an outbreak, can I still have it/pass it?

SO, I am currently going through a herpes scare, and I don't now what to do.

The situation is this:

My partner and I started a sexual relationship about two months ago. At first we only engaged in oral sex. Shortly after (about a week or two) he told me that he was experiencing "symptoms" ...burning with urination, and he said he thought he saw a small bump on his penis but that it went away after a day. He went to his primary care doctor, who looked at him, tested him for a UTI (negative) and told him it was likely just irritation/dehydration/blah blah blah.

At this point I went and got tested as well (for gonorrhea and chlamydia) and this came back negative as well. Granted, at this point we had not engaged in vaginal intercourse, but I was nervous enough to check just in case. My results were negative as well.

We had sex a couple times following this, always with a condom.
But his symptoms, though he said they relented, never fully went away. He was assured by his doctor that it was likely just irritation of some kind, a soap or detergent, etc etc.

Unrelated circumstances ensued and we split amicably about a month ago. As in: I have not had sex with him in a month (and from what I've been reading the first "outreak" usually happens a week or two after exposure? Assuming he was exposed by me, how does this even make sense)

Fast forward to yesterday, when he got in touch with me to tell me that he had more physical symptoms (bumps etc) and went back to his doctor, who told him it "looked like" herpes--or some follicle infection (I'm not really sure exactly how it could be one or the other, but....)

So needless to say, I am really really scared and I don't know what to do.
He told me that his doctor is currently treating him for the apparent "follicle infection" that it could be if it is not herpes, and we'll only really know for sure if he gets another outbreak ....which I know may or may not even happen in the near future.

It is worth noting that prior to being sexual with me, he had not had a partner for several months (8 or so) and experienced symptoms first after recieving oral sex from me,

I have never had any symptoms, but I know this does not mean that I do not have something. HOWEVER, if I do have something that I passed to him....I'm assuming it is an oral "something," because he experienced symptoms after we had only had oral sex, and we only ever had sex with condoms (which I know isn't 100%, but given that he experienced symptoms first after unprotected oral, the liklihood that I have something orally seems more plausible.)

Now, Ive never had any sort of outbreak, orally or genitally. I don't get cold sores. I know that this doesnt mean I don't HAVE herpes, but how likely is it that I have oral herpes of some kind that I could have passed on to him through oral sex if I never had an outbreak?

And what do I even do now?

I'm confused as to why his doctor isn't testing one of the "bumps" that he says he has, as I know that you can easily test for the herpes virus from an existing sore. I don't know. I want to go get blood tested but the things I've been ready online about the accuracy of blood tests seem iffy, and I don't really know all that much about testing for herpes in the first place.

Thoughts and suggestions are appreciated.

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Old 10-12-2011, 08:13 PM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Boston, MA, USA
Posts: 2
gl0riesfade HB User
Re: Herpes scare...I've never had an outbreak, can I still have it/pass it?

Ha, well I guess you're correct about that.

I guess I'm just worried about what this means going forward as far as how careful I should be. Given that I didnt have any visible signs of any sort of outbreak when we had the oral sex that presumably passed it to him...idk. I mean, as far as future partners go and all, I guess I don't want to have to worry about giving it to other people.

And how to even diagnose it in the first place without having an outreak to show, since --as you stated--such a high percentage of people will test positive for HSV antibodies

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