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Abortion Vs. Herpes....?!

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Old 02-19-2012, 10:57 PM   #1
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Abortion Vs. Herpes....?!

This is quite a complex one... I will warn you... :/

so... im almost 25 and have been dating my current bf for almost a year now. he found out after a couple of months that he had genital herpes.... never had an OB though - one of the lucky ones.... i decided to stay with him, and we were really good with condoms for a while... however, getting drunk/getting really into the moment/not having a constant unending supply of condoms... has meant that we have been "bad" a few times... increasingly moreso recently... we have discussed the seriousness of it numerous times.... but its hard to know when to completely restrict sex, as he never has OB's. however, i think about it often.... and get stressed out about it... and obviously any small tiny abnormal feeling gets me freaked out.

I am on the pill, from before i started dating him, AND we use condoms most of the time.... however, as i said, we have been getting increasingly lax about using them, even after serious chats. Now... we live in a strict arabic country and are not married, so if I were to get pregnant, I would have to fly immediately home for an abortion (I am not ready in the slightest for children yet).

So, this morning I told him that i was going to stop taking the pill, so that we HAD to use a condom each time.... he told me outright that that was not an option, as it would increase our chances of getting pregnant. Told me that our “only option” was to NOT have sex ever without a condom… so I told him that we have tried this many times, and it hasn’t worked. So that’s surely not an option?

I realize that even with condoms, im not 100% safe, but I just want to know that if I DO get it, we have tried all we could. I know for a fact that my bf NEVER wants children, which is fine with me, as im pretty sure I don’t either.

So it all boils down to this… he seems to think that me suggesting that we drop ONE birth control method and increasing the chance of getting pregnant is outrageous and unacceptable compared to the benefit of knowing that we will never have sex without a condom again – therefore protecting me exponentially from getting herpes, which I might not be so lucky with – I might get terrible outbreaks, and if I become single again, it could seriously damage my self esteem and cause big problems for me. Yes, If I were to get pregnant from a split condom or something, I would have to fly home, and get an abortion which would maybe cost 500 pounds for a flight (and yes, the emotional strain of going through that… but im sorry – morals aside, im not in a place to even consider children at the moment)… but if I contract herpes, there is no amount of money that could ease it or help is there?!.....

I need some brutally honest opinions here… am I being ridiculous?! YES, I will probably keep on taking the pill to see if we really can use condoms every time – as I think both of our opinions have changed since the stonker of a row we had this morning… BUT, just the fact that he would be so instantly dismissive has really annoyed and upset me… sorry for the length of this post, but I felt a full background was needed…. :/

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Old 02-21-2012, 10:35 AM   #2
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Re: Abortion Vs. Herpes....?!

I'm not sure if I follow, but if used correctly condoms are extremely effective alone. What type of herpes does he have 1 or 2? Why would you come off the pill?

Old 03-20-2012, 12:58 PM   #3
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Re: Abortion Vs. Herpes....?!

Hi Almond,

I hope I can be brutally honest with you. I am so trying to figure out what you are doing? It is totally ludicrous what you two are doing. Playing Russian Roulette(except you won't die). Isn't there any other type of birthcontrol you have considered? There is an Iud which I believe is good for 7 years. and there are other forms too, where you don't have to take the pill. Or have you thought about getting your tubes tied? Since you said you think you don't ever want children anyways... this might be an option. I think that you DEFINITELY NEED to think about what you would do or how you would react if you got an outbreak because the reality is, if you keep having unprotected sex, the chances increase, and it sounds like you are just in denial. If you don't want herpes, you need to stop having unprotected sex with a person who has it. You have really thrown me for a loop. Good luck and please, start thinking about what you are doing.


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