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How would you handle this?

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Old 10-14-2012, 04:34 PM   #1
mottled dove
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How would you handle this?

...just curious about how you all would handle this.

Okay. So I've only recently begun an intimate relationship with a woman I've known for almost 8 years now. This beginning is so recent that in her mind, the next time we spend together (not including by phone or some random encounter) will be our first date. We have differing philosophies on so many matters. We agree on some things but she is so much different than I ever imagined her to be.

And yet I remain prepared to be with her through thick and thin.

Even IF she has a STD...

Today we were talking about a movie she saw called The Five-Year Engagement, I believe. It is about the things people learn about each other that make them think (more than) twice about commitment to marriage. In this movie, the woman supposedly withholds things from the guy (like the fact that she has a child). Many women believe, as does she, and quite understandably so, that many men would not want to be with them given so-called baggage. I BELIEVE that despite this, you should not withhold information, especially that which would have a serious impact on the relationship or the person, out of fear that the other will not want to get to know you beyond the first or second date. The lady in my life BELIEVES that a person should withhold...

She asked me what if she told me she had a case of herpes. I told her I wouldn't cast her aside but that I would have to draw certain lines. I didn't put it to her this way but while I could be with her, I definitely wouldn't want to take on herpes for myself! And I think I should be told this. You absolutely, 100%, should NOT consider your own desires in a situation like this. You MUST be considerate of the other person. What worries me more than ANYTHING she has told me about her past is this simple idea isn't one she subscribes to, or would subscribe to easily if there is the potential that she ever can!

We're going to go on this "first" date soon, and I would love to kiss her. Goodness knows I didn't ask my first girlfriend if she had herpes when we first kissed, although we were very young at the time. But now I find myself in a situation, WANTING to trust her with all my heart, but with my mind directing me towards GOOD SENSE! Not only do I know the risk can exist with even an honest and well-meaning being, but the lady in my life has SHARED with me her approval of this level of deception! THEREFORE, DO NOT KISS UNTIL I HAVE A DOCTOR'S REPORT!

What do you all think?

Last edited by mottled dove; 10-14-2012 at 04:40 PM.

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Old 10-17-2012, 09:31 AM   #2
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Re: How would you handle this?

So are you assuming she has herpes from what she asked you? Did you come out and ask her if she has it? I mean at that point in time it would be a trust issue.

Before becoming intimate why not suggest you both be tested before moving forward? I am not sure of what your status is but make sure both are tested for herpes as it normally is not included with the routine std panel. A thing though to keep in mind is that it can take up to 4 months for the antibodies to be detected in the blood.

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