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Confused and feeling hopeless

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Old 11-15-2012, 01:48 AM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 5
foggyday HB User
Confused and feeling hopeless

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with genital herpes yesterday. I'm one of the safest people when it comes to sex, have only slept with three people and always insist on using a condom. Yet here I am.

I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with it and feel like I'm destined never to have a relationship, and that no one will accept me with this disease. I had low enough self esteem as it was, and really struggle to let people in.

The guy I think I may have got it from is someone I've really grown to trust. We've worked together since Feb (I am a uni student work part time) and he is three years older and works full time. He decided to get a transfer back to his home city, but it was then that we realised we really thought we'd be good together. The night before he moved away, we spent the night together...I began itching the next day or two. I thought to myself if that keeps on I'll see the doctor in a day or so, probably a yeast infection. Then I saw sores and freaked out, my fears were confirmed.

My housemates all know I'm upset and I trust them immensely, but I don't feel as though i can tell ANYONE. I feel as though I should talk to this guy about it, but who's to say I got it from him? Maybe it was dormant in my body and the sex triggered it. I feel like it's a conversation I should have with him face to face but he's two hours away and i'm bad on the phone. I just don't know what to do.

I'm having a full sexual examination in a couple of hours to make sure I don't have anything else, as the nurse told me if I have one STD, i'm likely to have another. I'm absolutely terrified.

All I want to do is just curl up and forget this ever happened. I don't know what to do with myself. I guess I just came here to vent more than anything, as I don't know who else to talk to.

You guys have written some pretty inspirational stuff on here though, which I thank you for.

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Old 11-17-2012, 02:37 AM   #2
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: SE Asia
Posts: 4
gary354 HB User
Re: Confused and feeling hopeless

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that. I think that's what most people here are hoping not to hear. It's the same for me. If it turned out I had herpes I'm not sure how I'd deal with it. I have a very good friend whose husband cheated on her and brought back herpes. She's incredible and makes sure it doesn't get the best of her. She's extremely inspirational to me so if I ever get the bad news, I know I can turn to her for help. There's so much support online for you since so many people have gone through the same thing.

Btw, I think you should definitely confront him about it, if anything just to tell him to go get checked because the day after sex you started having symptoms. I don't know how herpes works exactly, but even if it was dormant in you I guess there's a chance you could have given it to him. It sounds much more likely that he gave it to you though.

Anyway, be strong. You'll be fine

Last edited by gary354; 11-17-2012 at 02:43 AM.

Old 11-17-2012, 04:39 AM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 5
foggyday HB User
Re: Confused and feeling hopeless

Thank you so much for your reply. The news takes you on an absolute emotional roller coaster. It's completely hard to know how you feel, and obviously it's not something you can just tell people as to why you're feeling that way. It's a very lonely diagnosis.

Your friend sounds very admirable. I hope to eventually be like her, and try not to let it define me.

I didn't end up having my sexual examination, it's rescheduled to two weeks time. They said it'll just be even more uncomfortable trying to do it during an outbreak and I basically just had an emotional breakdown anyway. It was the first opportunity I'd had to talk to anyone about it.

I built up the courage to phone the guy last night. I was completely ready for him to turn his back on me, be angry, not want to speak for a while. But it was only fair I told him so he can be screened too. It was so hard. However he's been incredible. He's scared too, he obviously doesn't yet know if he has it. I told him i'd understand if he needed time to take it in, but we spoke again this morning and we know we need each other to get through this, regardless of whether he has it.

I told him everything I know about it. I've done a hell of a lot of research over the past couple of days. It's extremely scary.

Something like this really makes you reevaluate your life though, it really does.

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