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Trouble dealing with herpes...

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Old 12-11-2012, 04:41 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2012
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lovedesign89 HB User
Thumbs down Trouble dealing with herpes...

Hi everyone,

Today will be a day that I remember for the rest of my life. I went to the doctor to treat a yeast infection and ended up finding out that I have herpes. The culture hasn't come back yet, so I'm not sure which kind yet, but needless to say i'm devastated.

Out of ALL of my friends I have always been the safest with sex. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. And until a month ago (I'm 23 now) I had only had sex with 2 people my whole life. Unfortunately, the last guy was a serious boyfriend that I had a long-term relationship with. He frequently got cold sores, but I never thought anything of it. We broke up, and I obviously wanted to explore. I had sex with 2 guys this last month, and the last one was actually only 3 days ago. My friends are all pretty slutty, and I guess i'm just wondering why this is happening to me? Someone so careful and protective.

Anyway, my family and friends are not as accepting as they should be, and I don't feel safe to tell any of them. I'm guessing I got it from my boyfriend of two years, and I just didn't get any symptoms until now. But needless to say, I can't turn to any of the guys and ask them.. I feel so alone. I've obviously been looking for a new relationship and now I feel so hopeless! I feel that no man will accept me now, because I know how I would feel if a guy came to me and told me he had herpes. I've also experienced how much guys hate condoms this last month, and all the excuses they have not to use them. How do I deal with using a condom without it coming out that I have herpes? How do I go about telling a future partner?

I'm scared, hopeless, confused, ashamed, embarrassed, devastated and so much more all at once! Can anyone help me right now? Share with me their experiences, or even just give me some advice. It would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you everyone!!

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Old 12-20-2012, 05:06 PM   #2
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Re: Trouble dealing with herpes...

Every emotion you are feeling we have all been there and it does get better. The best thing you can do is just educate yourself on the virus so that you could answer questions if a new partner has any.

Even when using a condom there is still a risk of transmission so it would be best to let anyone you sleep with know that you have the virus of course many people do not disclose this information but me personally I would not take that choice from someone.

It is not the end of the world and many people out there are accepting of this pesky skin condition. If you look at the top of the board there is a thread called "Happy Couples" it is a great read and gives hope to those that are single and looking for a relationship just letting you know it is still possible.

This virus tends to take a toll on us more emotionally then it does physically.

I hope this helps a bit and if you need to vent or ask questions this is the place

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Old 01-11-2013, 02:58 AM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Maine
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StarKittie HB User
Re: Trouble dealing with herpes...

How do I deal with using a condom without it coming out that I have herpes?

Directly refering to that statement: you don't. you dont put anyone at risk for catching this disease without telling them its a risk. And it can still be passed using a condom.
I was diagnosed in June. I contracted it from someone that KNEW he had it AND DID NOT tell me. The choice was taken away from me and that is not fair.
The hardest part is telling someone. it is nerve wrecking and stressful. but i can honestly tell you that i haven't had ONE guy not want to sleep with me because of it.
You need to educate yourself on the facts. The truths of it. That way when you tell someone you can tell them everything about it before they ask. Then give them time to digest.
As far as your friends I have had this approach... i do not hide my disease from anyone. if your friends are that promiscuous than they just may need a wake up call. people dont realize how easy it is to catch something. Personally while HSV doesnt ever go away it is a lot less "dirty" than a lot of the other things you can catch. You got something u cld catch being safe or not, and that have worse effects on you. there are other things that ppl have that you can only catch without protection and they dont think twice about those. The ones that are curable can actually lead to some really serious issues if not diagnosed. HSV can't. I know right now it doesn't feel hopeful. AT ALL. I still feel negative towards myself when I have an OB. But I do have a bf, that accepts me and my condition.

Good Luck.

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