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need some third party support... please

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Old 02-25-2013, 06:14 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1
ilovecallie22 HB User
need some third party support... please

I was diagnosed with genital herpes over a year ago now. I was given it by my ex boyfriend who, at the time of my diagnoses, feigned ignorance and told me he had no idea he had it. I later found out that he knew the entire time. we stayed together but eventually broke up. He's totally out of my life now and has been for about 10 months but I still feel so much anger and rage built up. I can't stand thinking about how stupid I was to have believed his lies.

Lately i've been feeling so much depression over this I can't stand it. For the most part, I've come to terms with having this disease. I have "outbreaks" from time to time, but they aren't major... Mostly just a single itchy bump. It annoys the crap out of me but it's manageable. The only thing that really bothers me is thinking about having to tell someone. Last summer I got involved with a guy I met. I really really liked him, and was able to see a future with him, but the thought of telling him was too emotionally strenuous. We never actually had sex because I'm so terrified of transmitting it and so terrified of telling someone. i basically ruined my chances with him because I was so afraid, and I ended up pushing him away subconsciously.

Sometimes I just think that even if I find someone who really likes me and who I really like, once they find out, it won't matter because it will be a deal breaker for them. There's such a stigma attached to herpes and i hate it. I feel like any guy would just be disgusted and want nothing to do with me. The thought of telling someone literally sends me into an anxiety attack. it's ruining my life.

I'm still so angry with the guy who gave it to me. Sometimes i just wish i wasn't alive so i didn't have to deal with this. it just hurts.... Can anyone give me some advice or share some experiences? i can't talk to anyone I know about this. thanks

Last edited by Administrator; 02-25-2013 at 06:35 PM.

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