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    Old 06-01-2013, 11:27 PM   #1
    anonymous312
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    Unhappy Much support needed, feel so alone

    I'm a 21 year old female and I have no idea how to handle this... So I'm going to rant. May 10 I had unprotected sex with an ex-fling of mine. We hadn't seen each other in awhile and we both were drunk and one thing lead to another. At the time I was seeing another guy who I was also sexually active with, but not committed to. these were the only two guys I've so much as kissed in about a year and a half. Anyways, the day after I had sex with the ex-fling, I had a yeast infection, I've had one before so I knew that's exactly what it was. Only this time, after the infection went away it turned into an extremely painful UTI (or so I thought). I knew it wasn't normal and started looking up STDs and their symptoms. I thought for sure I had gonorrhea or chlamydia... everything added up. It lasted almost two weeks so I went to the Doctor's on May 23 and got a pap smear and a blood test. She told me there were three small bumps and 6 white spots on my cervix and that in her professional opinion it looked like genital herpes. My heart sank. I cried on the spot. The next three days I didn't move, I didn't eat, I didn't stop crying.

    I got the results Sunday saying I was positive for HSV-1 (Oral) genital herpes. But none of this makes sense, If the ex-fling had oral herpes, I don't remember him giving me oral sex (I was drunk, please no criticism I'm just being honest). The guy I'm currently seeing is the only one whose given me oral... and when I told him about it (after a lot of embarrassment, and tears) he was surprisingly supportive and concerned that he gave it to me or that he might have something, but he won't get tested. He keeps avoiding it. I'm handling eveything wrong. I sent an anonymous letter to the ex-fling's parents because he's a 20 year old boy at UNH and is about as mature as an infant. If I told him myself he'd probably trash my name in our city... I can't handle the public humility of everyone knowing. But when I sent the letter, it was before I knew I had HSV-1 instead of HSV-2... I was still learning about the different types. Now I'm all confused. I know the ex got the letter because he texted me the next day, but just casual conversation asking me what I'm doing, and he's texted me a few times since. The guy I'm currently seeing keeps avoiding getting tested because he's scared of the results he says. I gave him an ultimatum tonight I said get it done or I'm done. He keeps saying he will but I see no changes. I don't know how to handle any of this I have felt every emotion these past few weeks, anger, sadness, happiness from the support I got from the guy I like, frustration, confusion, depression, optimism, you name it. Tonight it's confusion and depression. If this doesn't workout with the guy I'm seeing, who will love someone with herpes off the bat? I feel tainted, like damaged goods. I've told two girlfriends, one of my best guy friends, and the guy I like. Aside from my family. This is horrible. Please someone help me how do I get through this no one gave me a manual on how to cope with Herpes, or how to handle telling your sexual partners, or how to handle telling your future crushes/loves. If you read this thank you for taking the time... I'm asking for your help.

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    Old 06-01-2013, 11:46 PM   #2
    Unknownlady
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    I'm so sorry... I really feel your pain and I wouldn't ever judge you you entiled to having a sex life your only human..
    So neither one of them have been tested?? That suck that he's treating you like that.. I dono much about it other than what I wrote on mine I have an appointment to talk to my doc on Monday she just told me it showed up in my blood and nothing else about it and I haven't had any signs I feel just like you broken hearted I feel dirty like I don't know what to do or how to feel.. But I can be here for you to talk to..

     
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    Old 06-01-2013, 11:56 PM   #3
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    Thanks girl. I know the guy I'm currently seeing has never been tested in his life. He said he's scared and freaked out something might come up positive, I told him we'll deal with it together no matter the outcome and that I'd go with him to support him... but he keeps avoiding it and saying he's busy with work and making up excuses and I don't understand. Wouldn't he want to know? We've only been talking for less than a month and haven't even been on an official date, so this is all a lot to handle for him and I get that. Finding out the girl you like has herpes... I don't know what I'd do if I were him. As for the ex, I don't think I'll ever know. We've known each other for seven years and have always had something for one another, ever since I was 14. I never thought this would happen. I think he knows I sent that letter... he keeps texting me and I don't think it's a coincidence. This is all just so hard. I thought for sure I had HSV 2 (genital to genital) because I had unprotected sex with a notorious man..... All of it sucks and I'm confused and stressed and am dealing with it horribly.

    I'm feeling everything you're feeling though. And I want to say you shouldn't feel dirty, because you're not and in reality I know I'm not, but that's how I feel right now too. Did you get a blood test? It should have shown up as HSV 1 or 2... you'll get more information at your appointment I hope to hear about it. And it might be the longest two days of your life. But knowing people are out there who have it and are going through what you're going through makes this a whole lot easier.

    Last edited by Administrator; 06-02-2013 at 12:34 AM.

     
    Old 06-02-2013, 12:11 AM   #4
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    I'm sorry to hear that.. And I know but it's how I feel too..
    And yes we'll I'm pregnant so they took blood and ran it for everything I guess she didn't tell me anything really other than I had it she said may never have any symptoms witch I haven't yet.. I'm just so confused if heard a lot of the times the test come up with fakes positives and the test may have been wrong I need to ask what kind of test was ran and is it 1 or 2 and what percentage it was.. I'm just so hurt because I got tested in dec I gona a blood and pap and I was negative for everything.. And I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me .. He says his ex on of the girls he cheated on me got tested restently and said she's clean that he seem the paper and im usduming hes slept with her just as recently i dono and he read up on herpess and maybe I had it the whole time and it was just laying dormant witch I can't understand why it wouldn't show up in my last test or the one I took before it in July 2012 a couple months before we were together. I've read a lot on it and I just am just going crazy... Do I really have it witch on is it and if so now I can't have my baby normally. Can't have a normal love life he says he'll be there no matter what but just today we got in a big fight and I guess we're not together again.. I'm losing it...

     
    Old 06-02-2013, 05:01 PM   #5
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    I know it feels like everything is spiraling downward but if you got tested in December and it came back negative, then that is that. It sounds like he contracted it (this may hurt to hear, but he may have cheated with someone other than his ex) but the only sure way to know is if he gets tested first. The virus CAN lay dormant for a long time, but it wouldn't show up negative if you took a test. And you actually can have the baby normally, I've done research because I was concerned about that as well. Your doctor will just have to monitor your outbreaks (external and cervical) and if you aren't having an outbreak you can have your baby normally, if you are then you'll have to have a C-section which isn't so bad. Your boyfriend NEEDS to get himself tested and then this mess will start to come together for you. Or talk to the ex directly... don't trust what he says. In situations like these you need proof for yourself. Take it one day at a time, I'm trying to. First things first, he needs to get tested. Then go from there. Your appointment tomorrow should tell you a lot, you should also request another blood test to be sure. Good luck girl keep me updated

     
    Old 06-02-2013, 05:51 PM   #6
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    He admired to me that it's was more than one girl I didn't even want to know how many. And yea he's going to.. And I don't trust the ex girlfriend she's started so much between me and my boyfriend its crazy and yea I'm gonna get another test and ask her which one was ran and if its 1 or 2 .. And thank you for your support its nice to talk to someone about it with out having them judge you your the second person I've even told...

     
    Old 06-02-2013, 05:55 PM   #7
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    Yeah I haven't told many people either... you will get through this and as much as my head is a mess right now, I'll be here to help and to talk to whenever you need it. But my advice... leave your boyfriend. If he cheated on you with more than one girl, even one girl, he doesn't deserve you. You deserve a lot better than that. Someone to love the truly good and caring person that you are.

     
    Old 06-02-2013, 07:43 PM   #8
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    Thank you.. And I did for a few weeks I just really love him if I didn't I would of let him go I just can't but only time will tell what happens..

     
    Old 06-04-2013, 04:59 PM   #9
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    Ladies,
    I just found out as well. I have been celibate for over a year, so when I found out I was shocked. I called my best friend and cried my eyes out. She is the only one who knows. I am of course afraid of what my future holds, but God knows best. I've been reading non stop to educate myself. The message boards are extremely helpful. This is therapy for me. I'm older than you ladies. I'm 46 and AA and there is a huge stigma in the AA community regarding this. I too wonder how I will tell someone when the time comes. How will I feel if they reject me, but I have to live my life in faith and trust God will take care of me.

     
    Old 06-04-2013, 05:00 PM   #10
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    Ladies,
    I just found out as well. I have been celibate for over a year, so when I found out I was shocked. I called my best friend and cried my eyes out. She is the only one who knows. I am of course afraid of what my future holds, but God knows best. I've been reading non stop to educate myself. The message boards are extremely helpful. This is therapy for me. I'm older than you ladies. I'm 46 and AA and there is a huge stigma in the AA community regarding this. I too wonder how I will tell someone when the time comes. How will I feel if they reject me, but I have to live my life in faith and trust God will take care of me.

     
    Old 06-04-2013, 11:18 PM   #11
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    I'm sorry to hear that and yea I completely understand.. I'm still completely depressed about it there's not much I can really say to make you feel better cause me personally I still cry time to time I only found out last wes but I'm not crying as much... And yea I did the same thing these blogs and information helped me figure out a lot... Well I'm here if you need to talk.. Anytime..

     
    Old 06-06-2013, 12:19 PM   #12
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    So I had my doc retest me and she did a pap too I went from 3.84 to 5.0 and now I'm active according to the pap so I have to start meds today I'm torn huh.... And I got a copy of my blood test in dec it was .0 so I was clean it was a IgG so I just resently in the last few months got it I'm guess.. I'm so sad I can't have my baby normally for sure now if its active cause its to high of a risk.. I have this lump in my throat dono if I'm gonna throw up or cry... And he hasn't got tested yet keeps telling me he's going to but hasn't yet think he's scared to and I get it I'm scared of the whole thing.. I feel like I'm never going to have a normal life if me and him don't work out don't think I'm ever gonna talk to anyone else I'm tainted goods...

     
    Old 06-06-2013, 06:25 PM   #13
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    Sweetie,

    You are not tainted. You are beautiful, blessed, and worthy of a wonderful loving relationship. Please know this. I strongly urge you to pour all of you love into the beautiful baby God has blessed you to become a mommy to. He/she needs a happy mommy.

    As for your boyfriend, he needs to get tested ASAP, if he doesn't move on. If his live for you were that deep, he would go get tested. Real lives goes the distance no matter what. You deserve better.

    If this relationship doesn't work out, I promise you there is someone out there who will love you unconditionally. Trust and believe that. I am single and I don't think of myself as tainted. I know I'm a beautiful, kind, loving human being and when the right person comes along, they will see all of the beautiful things about me and that I'm much more than this.

    Please read about this and educate yourself as much as possible, so you can have a healthy lifestyle and maintain good health. Right now, I'm not on medication because I'm celibate and I've been taking natural supplements and I feel great. When I make a decision to enter into a relationship. I will get on meds at that time. Read,read, read. When you know more about it, I think you will feel better.
    Hope this helps. Blessings

     
    Old 06-06-2013, 06:26 PM   #14
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    Smile Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    Sweetie,

    You are not tainted. You are beautiful, blessed, and worthy of a wonderful loving relationship. Please know this. I strongly urge you to pour all of you love into the beautiful baby God has blessed you to become a mommy to. He/she needs a happy mommy.

    As for your boyfriend, he needs to get tested ASAP, if he doesn't move on. If his live for you were that deep, he would go get tested. Real lives goes the distance no matter what. You deserve better.

    If this relationship doesn't work out, I promise you there is someone out there who will love you unconditionally. Trust and believe that. I am single and I don't think of myself as tainted. I know I'm a beautiful, kind, loving human being and when the right person comes along, they will see all of the beautiful things about me and that I'm much more than this.

    Please read about this and educate yourself as much as possible, so you can have a healthy lifestyle and maintain good health. Right now, I'm not on medication because I'm celibate and I've been taking natural supplements and I feel great. When I make a decision to enter into a relationship. I will get on meds at that time. Read,read, read. When you know more about it, I think you will feel better.
    Hope this helps. Blessings

     
    Old 06-06-2013, 06:30 PM   #15
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    Re: Much support needed, feel so alone

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by screwedone88 View Post
    When I found out I was more angry at the person who knew they had it and did not tell me than I was sorry for myself. You need revenge. It is a horrible thing to do to another person to knowingly give them herpes. Unconscionable behaviour, deserving of your worst revenge. They know they have it, don't let them convince you otherwise.

    I got revenge, and I feel great about it. It has been years, and I still feel great about it. Screw him over.

    I decided not to seek revenge. I left that up to God and He took care of it. That person developed kidney failure is now on dialysis for the rest of their life unless they get a kidney transplant. I had to let it go and focus on healing myself and staying stress free.

     
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