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  • Telling Your Partner You Have Herpes After You Have Sex

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    Old 06-16-2013, 05:40 PM   #1
    NewLife99's Avatar
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    Telling Your Partner You Have Herpes After You Have Sex

    I have had herpes for a few years now. Although I’ve recently found out the person I thought gave it to me probably didn't and there is a high possibility I could have had it 9 years without knowing it. The whole time I was contributing any problems I had to possible yeast infections. When I found out I turned to masturbation and told two guys. In the long run I just found it easier to just not date and not deal with it. My sex life is pretty nonexistent.

    I met a great guy and because it was early on I absolutely had no plan what so ever having sex with him b/c of my status and I wanted to have a conversation. We fooled around and I put my clothes back on. That back and forth went on for about an hour. However long story short I thought I would stop myself before we went any further, well that did not happen. We had sex and unprotected at that (I’m a complete moron). He left to go home and the minute he walked out the door I cried. I knew I would tell him.

    I was amazed how many people who have it went through this but waited months or until after marriage to drop that bomb shell (no judgment here). I just knew I couldn't wait and he knew I was acting weird.

    I decided to tell him and I wanted to go to his place but he was pretty insentient on coming to mine. I told him and he flipped out. We immediately went to a clinic and he started the testing process. He didn't immediately hate me but you know when we let our friends and families into our personal lives they give their opinion (which is what good friends and family members do). He had time to simmer on it and his feelings towards me have now turned to pure hate. There is nothing I can do to change that.

    I’m pretty sure he doesn't have it, he has no signs, and transmission to female to male are low. However I’m freaking out waiting for the test results. He’s offered to sue me if he has it (although we all know you can’t pinpoint when you got the disease giving my own history with it). Despite what you may think the suing part is not what’s bothering me the most it’s the fact that I exposed him to it. I've cried almost every day for days. I was beside myself with grief. I can’t take that day back and just because I’m sure he’s OK I still feel very low for not having the courage to open my mouth. Or assuming I could put myself in that situation and just turn myself off and not get carried away. I've never felt so low before.

    So take it from me DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH anyone without disclosing your status. I don’t care if their one night stands to potential husbands/wives. They have the right to know. Spare yourself the pain that comes with the guilt of it all. If I had told him right now we’d be on the phone talking about our day sending each other pictures. Well maybe not right now the NBA finals are on lol. I had to learn my lesson the hard way. This is not a letter to discourage you from telling your partner after the fact this was to encourage those that don’t know how to do it. There is no easy way to do it but to do it. Do it before 4 play, do it before the lights go out, just do it.

    Also, for a little hope that same day after I told him. I drove 40 minutes to my friends house and disclosed my status to her. She told me she knew 3 women that had it and two of them told their partners after they had sex. One of the women is now married to the guy and the other woman is getting married to the guy within a month. So there is hope even if you totally screwed up.

    Really you can search the internet for hours and you’ll still never know how someone will react until you tell them. Good luck to everyone

    Last edited by Administrator; 06-16-2013 at 09:17 PM.

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    herpes, marriage, suicidal, unprotected sex

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