HSV-1 and dumped

03-18-2014, 08:01 PM

This will be my first time posting to any website. And also my first attempt to find someone who has been diagnosed with genital HSV-1 that may shed some light on my troubles.

I have been in a very positive happy relationship for a year and a half. We are very in love and despite having to conquer my boyfriend's commitment fears have had an extremely rewarding relationship. Early January of this year I contracted HSV-1 through oral sex with my boyfriend. Symptoms showed days after oral sex and we immediately discontinued anything that would infect him. We had no idea what was happening. After a trip to urgent care and hours of research we figured out what had happened and agreed we were both to blame. We knew there was a decision to be made about what happened with our relationship given we could be fairly certain he had not contracted genital HSV-1.

It is now mid March and his decision was made last night. He chose to leave me because he can not commit that fully to me. He feels it is more or less a life sentence.

When I first learned I had this I was very scared and terrified of being alone forever. Now my fears have been amplified with him leaving.

I am hoping to find someone who has been in HIS position and done the same. I know everyone will tell me it wasn't meant to be and all but I am actually set on helping him see this isn't such a horrible thing. But I also know I can not convince someone to be with me. So if I truly have to face this then I hope to at least be able to understand how he can do this.

03-21-2014, 08:27 PM

3 years ago (when I was with my ex boyfriend) I had a bad infection in my genital area that no doctors could diagnose. This was because there was no visible sores. It was horrible but ended up clearing up on its own within a few weeks.

Flash forward to now, no outbreaks since then, and I have been dating a wonderful guy for almost a year now. I started feeling like i was getting a uti/yeast infection and took medication to treat both. Didn't work. Long story short, it was my second herpes outbreak and the doctors told me it was genital hsv-1 that i probably contracted through oral sex with my ex boyfriend (he got coldsores all the time).

My boyfriend was more then supportive during the painful experience. I told him, of course, that I would completely understand if he could no longer be with me. Do you know what he did? He laughed and said he wasn't going anywhere. He told me that a virus doesn't change who I am or how much he loves me. Herpes is NOT the worst thing on this planet. In fact, most of the population has HSV-1 and as long as you don't have sex with anyone while symptoms are showing the chances are very low to spread it to someone else. Since he already has HSV-1 virus on his mouth the chances are very very very low to spread it to his genital region.

I'll also let you know that I am 20 years old and so is my boyfriend. While I am very serious about not spreading the virus to him (or others for that matter lol) I'm really not that upset at the fact I have it. And neither should you! So what you get a few sores and it burns when you pee every once in awhile. Those are the cards you were dealt in life.

Anyways, I promise you that you will not have a difficult time finding someone who will accept you and love you. Think about it, this guy gave it to you and now he's leaving you because he's scared he'll get it? This guy sounds like a complete jerk.

Stay confident girl!!

03-23-2014, 01:29 AM

Hi NolaNicole

I second what Violetxo says - what the?. He was the one you contracted HSV1 from and now he is leaving you because you caught it from him?. Him saying it is a life sentence is pretty dramatic considering he already has it and in actual fact he gave it to you.

Perhaps print off as much information and collect as many pamphlets about it that you can and ask him over to talk about it. Perhaps he is just freaking out about this because he does not understand it?. Would he go to a doctors appointment with you to discuss it with someone who knows more about it?.

Also, I was of the understanding that HSV1 and HSV2 were different in the sense that they live in different areas of your spine and resulted in ulcers in different areas on your body?. If your boyfriend worried that your HSV1 will turn into HSV2 and he will end up with genital herpes as well as cold sores?.

I have HSV1 and HSV2 and they have never gone from one area to another. I know that HSV1 came come out on your genital region as a result of oral sex but I thought that would be a one off and then when the HSV goes back it goes back to your upper spine (where it would live in his spine) and then if you were to get any more outbreaks then you would get a cold sore, not a genital sore?.

Keep your chin up honey - this will sort itself out.

03-23-2014, 05:48 PM

First, thank you both so much for the help. It feels incredibly good to hear there are people out there who know how I feel.

I have tried many different approaches with him. I tried to show him things I have read. He has been to a doctor but he went alone. I flat out begged. I tried to explain it is unfair because it was a mistake we made together. He still left. It has been a week and I am not much further along with my goal of convincing him. He asked me to gwt a test to verify 100% that it is not HSV2 because my doctor did no bloodwork. I have asked him if he will come over to discuss the results, maybe have dinner, and reconsider his de ision. But I have received no answer so far.

I still have hope that he will realize he and I can get through this. So I am still trying despite everyone around me telling me to give up.

I am still a little confused on exactly what to expect as far as having hsv1 once genitally. I have read so much and it all says it is not common for it to reoccur often. Is this true?

03-27-2014, 05:15 AM

Hi again,

I hope that you are feeling better and that your boyfriend has come to his senses. Have you been able to speak to him yet?.

I am certainly no expert but I have both HSV1 and HSV2 and I have always been told that they are two separate strains of the herpes virus. From what I understand, HSV1 lives in the top part of your spine and HSV2 lives in the lower half of your spine, hence HSV1 affects your lips and mouth (because it is the softest and most vulnerable part of your upper body) and HSV2 affects your genital area. I would have thought that if the doctor tested both you and your boyfriend, your results would be exactly the same in that they would both be positive to HSV1. If you did not test positive for HSV2 then I would not say that you have genital herpes. One of my friends got an ulcer from her boyfriend in the same way as you and was told by the doctor that she may end up with cold sores but that she did not have genital herpes......she has never had another outbreak since. Of either as far as I know.

Have you been doing some more research on the viruses?

HSV-1 and dumped

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