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What is happening to me?

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Old 04-06-2009, 12:19 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3
FarAway HB User
Post What is happening to me?

I have been living a three-month long nightmare and I need an answer. I have been unable to find a reason despite my near 10 attempts to get help. I have been to an emergency room three times. I have been to two psychiatric facilities. I have even attempted to overdose. I have been to doctors' clinics. I can't help but believe that something very strange is happening to me. So, here's my story...

94 days ago, I was exposed to HIV. I was exposed unknowingly to an HIV+ man through unprotected sex. He took the condom off and I found out that he is HIV positive. I was fine and did not intend to speak to him again...until I began having strange symptoms. It started with a few days of night sweats or hot flashes. During that time, I had very itchy armpits for about a day. I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror, and I looked ill and I had a white lump in between my eye lashes on my upper left eye. My vision became slightly blurred and unfocused and has continued. The bump on my eye lid went away a couple of days later, followed by a permanent one under my left eye. I began having consistent tingling in my upper back. It has now lasted three months. My back and upper arms felt hot. My throat and chest felt hot also. I called CDC and without having any idea of HIV symptoms, they told me "night sweats, swollen glands in neck and armpits, white bumps under eyelids, sores in mouth, etc." I completely lost it and attempted to get help for the first time. I spent 6 nights in a rehab where I was tested and they said I was negative. I then attempted to get my children back home, where shortly after, I had extreme fatigue and panic throughout my body and thought I was going to die. I took my kids back to their sperm donor ....and confronted this guy. He basically told me he is HIV positive. He also had several dime-sized dark red circles on his neck and down his chest. I left his house in a rage and took all of my pills because I was emotionally broken. I was found at home in a puddle of blood from my nose after I had been sleeping for 19 hours and taken to an emergency room, where I don't remember anything (including why I was found nude after I fell asleep with clothes on), and then I was admitted to another psychiatric facility. I must say right now... I am not a crazy person. My symptoms are absolutely real. After I was released with a negative HIV test, I continued to have extreme fatigue. My upper back and shoulders constantly hurt and I lost my appetite for several days. A sore appeared on the roof of my mouth and went away a few days later. My gums became swollen and when I brushed, I began bleeding a few times. I had small nose bleeds as well. ALL of my muscles in my body still ache to this day, ESPECIALLY my neck and shoulders. My vision still seems off. I have had strange red dots appearing on my body (some one my arms, back, and stomach) and have two new moles on my fingers. I also have dry, flaky skin and my toe nails look purple underneath (just as I noticed that guy had). Every morning when I wake up, I feel weak and depressed. I remember feeling happy every morning. I remember having energy. I remember having been tested for HIV and feeling happy about a negative result. Something happened to me. Although I've been eating well, I still feel like I did the day after my car accident every day. I hunch over when I walk because my stomach hurts and my legs are weak. Every day, I feel the tingling in my back and I keep trying to roll and adjust my shoulders to make it go away and it NEVER does.

I was tested 86 days after exposure and it was negative. I was told to put it behind me. Unfortunately, I feel that I will be living with these symptoms for the rest of my life. All of my other tests came back fine. I simply and not so simply just DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

I have read about many people who swear they have it because they have oral thrush, rashes, and fatigue... but they continue to test negative. I really wish that somebody would shine the light on this mystery for the ones who feel the way I do. I want to laugh again, run again, play with my kids again, put on my roller skates and race along on a warm day. I want to roll around and feel strong again. I barely have the energy to do dishes. I get lightheaded now.

I understand that my negative results are good news. What really worries me is that I will never think of life the way I did before. I was young and healthy. Now, I feel old and frail.

I am trying to bring myself back up and this fatigue just beats me down.

Could this be some strange new disease?

Please send me an angel.

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Old 04-06-2009, 08:45 PM   #2
Taco Bell
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Greenup, Ky USA
Posts: 5
Taco Bell HB User
Re: What is happening to me?

Well, I know that when u think something is wrong with you, it's hard for anyone to make u feel better. The thing is things can bother you subconciously even if you don't realize it. I have anxiety bad and recently it has gotten pretty bad. One bad event in your life can lead to every day being hell. If you think the blood test is wrong, find a specialist. From an outside point of view, if you find a good trustworthy doctor and they still say you're negative, then you don't have it. But, when you convince yourself there's a problem, you just notice your body more and worry like crazy. Don't underestimate the power of the mind. Even when the symptoms first started, try to think back and see if you paid more attention to yourself cause deep down you just knew there was a possibilty. Your brain can make your body change whether you your brain realizes it's doing so or not. Please try this. I know you're scared, but you will not die tomorrow, you will be okay. So just go and do something you did before all this. Talk to someone about it that you don't even know, cause the people who know you find it hard to understand your changes. Distract yourself. Breathe easy and do something fun. Realize that life is here right now and you have to love and enjoy what you have right now. Destress. Do it because you have to. Fight your subconcious and see what symptoms stay and which ones go. I just had several stressful things happen to me. All of the sudden about 4 months ago I started noticing so many bad changes in my body. Everything scared me and some things still do. I've gone to hospitals and doctors but they find nothing. Eventually I had to reallize that my vital stuff is healthy, so i may feel like crap but i have to let it go cuz for a while at least, i'll be alright. I try to enjoy the day and forget my problems and slowly but surely a lot of the problems i was having are getting better. It makes me cry sometimes to think how I let my own mind get so much the better of me. I still catch myself thinking something must be wrong and i start to look, at myself and check my body for every little problem. But then I remember to just let it go and then I'll feel better. Once something awful has happened in your life, it may never completely let you out of it's grip. But you have to fight it every day. You can do it. Post back now and then to let us all know how you're doing.

Last edited by Taco Bell; 04-06-2009 at 08:45 PM.

Old 11-05-2009, 01:27 AM   #3
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: md
Posts: 63
fearful01 HB User
Re: What is happening to me?

i have to go back round jan im seeing all the symptoms so i already know i got it

but this is my story i had sex with some one with a condom on but near the end it broke and i came in her

1]2 days after i got a big bump on my forearm

2]i think i had night sweats cause i woke up sweating but some one at the cdc told me you have to be soaking wet shirt and sheets included

3]then bloody diarrhea i know bloody diarrhea is not a symptom but it still was diarrhea this was like a week and a half after and i still have the diarrhea on and off

4]then like the next week i got theses white spots on my tonsils i read somewhere it can come from stress but i dont know

5]diarrhea still on and off but not lasting more then 5 days and its like 3 times a day my diarrhea started at the end of sep and its oct 31

6]dry throat for a week i think it came from being in the rain

7]sore throat

8]first let me say i got a flu shoot at this time and i got the flu soar throat fever and head ach

9]a week latta after the flu was gone i got muscle and joint aches

10]and my body been itching my back shoulder chest stomach arm butt leg and knee

11] i seen a red spot on my fast and arm i think it was a rash but i neva had 1 b4 so i dont know what to look for

12]and now weight loss i was 205 and now im 192

13]and i have a ulcer on my penis

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