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Am I Living With HIV?


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Old 11-28-2011, 10:56 PM   #1
iammatdol
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Question Am I Living With HIV?

Hi everyone,

I'm new to HealthBoards and I would like to share my story.

My first experience with a prostitute was with a transsexual streetwalker whom I picked up to have protected oral sex. This was somewhere in 2007. I was 21 then.

Since then, I have had numerous visits with prostitutes, both of the transsexual kind (these were mostly protected oral/anal/'vaginal') and of the normal kind (female). You can say that I belong to the high-risk group of individuals, high-risk lifestyle and not thinking straight. Out of these numerous visits, I can only remember one instance of unprotected sex, (which occurred in Phuket,Thailand) sometime in June, 2011.

Recently, I quit smoking, an addiction which I have had since 17 (total of 7 years). As most smokers know, it doesn't start off with many sticks per day, but it eventually tapered off to about 10-15 sticks per day. Making it 1 pack of cigarettes every 2 to 3 days. When I mean 'recent', I state that I quit around 1 month ago, with symptoms initially not so strong, and got a little worse progressively.

Let me state now.

I have NEVER been tested for HIV. My last sexual encounter was around 2 months plus ago, unprotected oral sex from a streetwalker.

Up to the point whereby I quit smoking, everything seemed normal. Prior to that, I would get sick occasionally, never had a problem with prolonged, high fever or skin rashes. To think back, I have only had occasional cases of sore throat, and the occasional flu.

When I quit smoking, I think (I say 'think' because I was not diagnosed for this by any doctor) I had some anxiety/depression issues. I would cry to sleep on some nights, thinking about my high-risk sexual lifestyle. Recently, I not missed a single prayer for the past week, asking God to prevent me from contracting HIV. I am so scared now. Previously, I seemed to be ignorant, when all the resources of the Internet is just a click away. I am so scared now. All my hopes and dreams of a proper future seem to be out the door now. I am so scared. Why?

Because I can't stop diagnosing myself with all the symptoms of HIV/AIDS. I know that I should get a HIV test done to test positive my worst fears, but I'm simply too terrified now.

Recently, I've read up a lot from HealthBoards, learning and getting progressively more scared at the same time. Some members would probably berate me and just tell me to get tested, but I just require some peace of mind and courage before I go for the HIV test. I have the following symptoms (as I'm not an expert, please tell me if you think they just in my head or a true symptom of ARS/AIDS):

1) Diarrhea
This has happened to me for the past 3 to 4 days. I seem to ease up this morning, with the stool being of the same color as the soft one before (black).

2) Night Sweats
Again, this has happened to me for the past 3 to 4 days, and has seemed to reduce after I changed my fan to a stronger one. Do ARS/AIDS night sweats have to be drenching night sweats for them to be considered? I asked because I noticed this night sweats recently, which are NOT of a common occurrence to me. When I say night sweats, I define them as a noticeable difference in sweating, in particular causing my pillow to be wet, although not to the extent of drenching the whole pillow. It seems to just occur in my head and neck region.

3) Sore Throat/ Funny Taste in Mouth
My tonsils doesn't seem to be swelling, but my throat often feels a little dry, and I would need to drink a glass of water to counter this feeling. The funny taste that I describe in my mouth seems to be metallic, similar to tasting blood, though I don't suffer from bleeding gums, etc.

I have had a 'calling' of sorts recently, ever since I quit smoking and I am extremely saddened by my past behaviors, etc. I am a little paranoid, as I have also read up about the side effects of smoking withdrawals, but I do not find much online stating anything about experiencing night sweats/ a bout with diarrhea, so late in nicotine withdrawal. I am so scared.

There is never a night in which I don't pray and ask God for forgiveness for my past sins. I feel as though as I can't turn to anyone else besides Him. I find it a little weird how I haven't experienced any ARS/HIV/AIDS symptoms before, but now, it seems as though these 'symptoms' seem to occupy my mind so very much. At the same time, I'm also thinking if my previous bouts with fever/flu/cough in which I self-medicated/GP-medicated, were in actuality ARS/AIDS symptoms. I am so scared.

Can someone please advise me on possible courses of action?

Much appreciated,
Stupid.

 
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Old 11-29-2011, 01:46 AM   #2
Apollo123
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Well apart from the one time unprotected sex you have not been at risk of HIV. As that was 2 months ago you really need take a test for your own peace of mind that is clear you need. Your symptoms cannot and will not ever confirm your HIV status only testing. You can take a rapid test which will give your results in in 10 minutes I certainly recommend you take one of these.

Try and cAlm down, best of luck

Last edited by Apollo123; 11-29-2011 at 03:09 AM.

 
Old 11-29-2011, 03:03 AM   #3
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Don't be Scare! I know is hard, I been there! What you did I already did but think about it you are not the only one who have sex with a street girl! Everyday there are million people have sex with someone they don't know or street girl! What important is that you have protect yourself from getting HIV by using condom! So If you test Positive than everyone who have sex must be positive, too. I think your risk for HIV is 0 but STD maybe! Not try to scare you but just to be sure! I recommend test for all STD including HIV for a peace of mind. After this find someone you can nice and live with together stop messing around, Wait until there a vaccine! I know as a man it is hard to stop sex but for you further! remember feeling good for 5 or 10 min and feeling bad and depressing for 3 month or whole life is not worth!

P.S I am going to test again couple more week just for a peace of mind, too! So I wish you best luck and you Wish me best luck too

 
Old 11-29-2011, 06:45 AM   #4
iammatdol
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Thanks for the two quick replies.

I just can't help but to think about the lives I'll effect if I test positive. What will my family think of me? What will everyone else think of me?

I never knew the statuses of the people I had it with. As of then, the thought did not cross my mind. I was ignorant.

I just can't help but to think of the number of stories I've heard where people get infected, even with a condom on. As I type, I feel the urge to head to the toilet again.

At times, I'm just resigned to the fact that I would test positive and have to live as a hermit. I'm so scared.

 
Old 11-29-2011, 07:16 AM   #5
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Quote:
Originally Posted by iammatdol View Post

I just can't help but to think of the number of stories I've heard where people get infected, even with a condom on.
wherever/whomever you heard that from
is simply wrong
condoms are a very effective way to be safe from hiv.
if you use them properly, you are 100% safe against hiv.
you cannot use your symptoms as a tool to indicate or diagnose hiv.
the only way to know is by getting tested....

your projecting about the future is wrong also
obviously you have no clue about hiv
you do not walk wround with a sign on your forehead
saying you have it.
if you have it, you only tell who you want to.
so nobody has a clue about it unless you open your mouth
in the first place....
and you have total control over that...

 
Old 11-29-2011, 08:00 AM   #6
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

As Smit has said, condoms are 100% safe in protecting against HIV. Its only the one time exposure that is a concern. That said you do not know their HIV status and getting HIV from a one time exposure is still quiet low.

Well to fear of somthing you may NOT have is a pointless and a wastfull task. You may very well not have HIV and all this worry will be for nothing. If you do have HIV then again you would need to know so you can start taking medication, but really this is pure speculation and cannot resolve your questions or your concerns.

You can have a rapid test that will give you results within 10 minutes and i would fully recommed you consider this to stop this cycle of concern that wont go away until you get closuer, and that of cause is taking a HIV test

 
Old 11-29-2011, 08:40 PM   #7
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Smith - Don't mind me asking. How did you first react when you found out? Internet and sexual education in general is awash with stories of how people can get infected, even with condom use. What is your take on this?

I'm feeling very low recently. Is it possible that my symptoms are arising from this? I don't know. I have this fear for being tested. For finding out that I may have it. The night sweats seem to have stopped. But I still have diarrhea. Yesterday night seemed fine, but this morning, loose stools again. And I was shocked when I weighed myself this morning. I usually hover around the 72kg mark, and now I weighed at 69.5 - 70kg range. My weight seemed to have dropped recently, contrary to popular opinion that quitting smoking should actually lead to weight gain.

I forgot to add, my appetite has been decreasing as of late. I'm so scared. I'm afraid that I can't live like this anymore. Its affecting every facet of my life. I'm unsure how to deal with this.

 
Old 11-29-2011, 10:46 PM   #8
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

the things you read are just that..
stories and opinion
i had sex with a positive person a few hundred times with a condom
and i had sex once with that same person without a condom once.
that one time is when i got infected.
when i found out, i was blindsided,shocked
and went thru about every emotion and fear there is.
like with everything, it is what you make of it.
once i learned about what i had
it doesn't bother me much at all anymore.

 
Old 11-30-2011, 12:34 AM   #9
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Quote:
Originally Posted by iammatdol View Post
Internet and sexual education in general is awash with stories of how people can get infected, even with condom use. What is your take on this?

I'm feeling very low recently. Is it possible that my symptoms are arising from this? I don't know. I have this fear for being tested. For finding out that I may have it. The night sweats seem to have stopped. But I still have diarrhea. Yesterday night seemed fine, but this morning, loose stools again. And I was shocked when I weighed myself this morning. I usually hover around the 72kg mark, and now I weighed at 69.5 - 70kg range. My weight seemed to have dropped recently, contrary to popular opinion that quitting smoking should actually lead to weight gain.

I forgot to add, my appetite has been decreasing as of late. I'm so scared. I'm afraid that I can't live like this anymore. Its affecting every facet of my life. I'm unsure how to deal with this.
Buddy the internet is awash with all sorts of stuff. Ranging from moon hoax landing conspiracies to alien adduction theories. It can be guaranteed and in absolutely guaranteed that if you keep reading online about HIV you will find more than enough stuff to fuel your anxieties. It will count for nothing. Most of the stuff out there is misleading, distorted or completely wrong. But when you are concerned, like yourself and because it is one the net it simply adds to anxiety.

Please buddy take the advice you have been offered and go and get checked out. An HIV test does not live in the grey area of internet opinions, it cuts through it all and is black or white. It is the only way to determine an HIV and I mean the only way. Continually reading stuff online does not in any way determine an HIV status and to be honest will have zero bearing on the outcome of an HIV test. It will on the other hand have a direct bearing on your well being and yes it will add to the physical effects of stress and anxiety.

Kevin.

 
Old 11-30-2011, 01:32 AM   #10
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Well instead of worrying over somthing that you do not know for certain, then why not take the advise i said before and take a rapid HIV test and get your results within 10 minutes.The Answer and solution to all your questions and problems is in your own hands and control. Its up to you to end this uncertainty by taking the test, because their little else we can do for you until you do take a test. Speculating will never confirm your HIV results im afraid.

 
Old 11-30-2011, 10:33 AM   #11
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Hi everyone who replied,

First of, TQVM for the quick replies. The following is an excerpt from the anonymous HIV testing site in my location.

----------
Step 3: OraQuick or Blood Testing

OraQuick

If you have chosen to have OraQuick (oral fluid test) your counsellor will take you through the test in the same room where you are counselled.

Blood testing

For blood testing, you will then be asked to wait outside the testing room until your number is called.
When it's your turn, the volunteer tester will call your number. Your finger will be pricked to get a few drops of blood for the HIV-antibody test strip.
Only sterile & disposable equipment are used for this procedure, including gloves, needles, test strips, and cotton wool.

Step 4: Result & Post-test Counselling

About 15 minutes after the blood-test, your counsellor will again call your number to give you the result for your HIV test.

About 20 mins after the OraQuick test, your counsellor will again call your number to give you the result for your HIV test.
----------

Pls advise.

Which is better? OraQuick or Blood Testing? Which of the methods is more accurate? Considering the long period of no sexual contact that I have had, I don't think I would have problems with false negatives right? (Considering the methods that I have cut-&-paste here.)

Fyi, I'm still very afraid, and my body seems warmer today. Maybe, its the lack of sleep, I don't know. But can somebody tell me why you body can suddenly feel a little warmer than usual, especially after you just took a bathe? (Just to calm my nerves , I would really appreciate it. Thanks.)

Regards,
stupid.

 
Old 11-30-2011, 07:06 PM   #12
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

any test they use today works very well.
i would not be concerned about the type of test i took,
just with what the results are.
fyi
false negative results are almost unheard of and any one that it has happened to
the reason is a very obvious one.
false positives are rare, but can happen..

 
Old 12-01-2011, 12:11 AM   #13
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Well done for taking the advise buddy. As smit said both are accurate and false negatives are just unheard of really.
As for the test, personally I would go for the blood option, for many reasons but their is less chance of a false positive in my experience.

Best of luck

 
Old 12-01-2011, 12:17 AM   #14
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Ya I would go for blood, too! Rapid blood test fast and easy!

Good luck with your test your be fine! Keep us update!!

 
Old 12-01-2011, 01:57 AM   #15
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Re: Am I Living With HIV?

Any test regardless of which one is considered conclusive at 12 weeks. It is you call really as to which on you take. If you want accuracy for an early detection during the window period an blood test is the way forward. If you want speedy results after the window period a rapid is the way forward. A false negative is unheard of outside the window period, it really doesn't happen. Like I said your call buddy.

Kevin.

 
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