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    Old 07-04-2011, 04:08 AM   #1
    mikee1972
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    My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    I was with my gf for around 15 months,sex was sporadic,didnt have sex that often,we split up just over 4 weeks ago,she told me its because she has been to the doctors and they have done blood tests and they found that her hormones are imbalanced.She says that she had to split because she wanted to deal with it on her own,she is a very private person,and thats how she deals with things,i am just feeling a bit lost.She has told me a little about it,like they done blood tests,and that she is on drugs for the imbalance,and that they have told her it might take months for it to level out again,she says she has to go back for more tests in 6 weeks.she doesnt tell me what drugs they put her on,only that they are to try and balance her hormones out,or what tests they do,she said that this might have been a problem since we met,she never seemed to have a big sex drive,seems she could take it or leave it,she has told me she still loves me,and hopes that when this is all over we could be together again,she has said that she is not asking for me to wait as that would be unfair on me.
    I thought it could be the menopause,she is 39,as she has been having trouble sleeping,night sweats,always seems tired,and she has gotten moody in the last 5 weeks,always seems to be biting my head off.i asked her if the doctor had mentioned menopause to her,and she said they hadnt.
    has any other guys experienced this from there gf/wifes?
    i am just feeling a little lost and confused?

    mikee

     
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    Old 07-15-2011, 10:38 PM   #2
    kittywitty
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hi, there, mikee!

    I'm obviously not a guy, but I see that you've had a whole lot of views and no replies on your thread, so I thought I'd reply. Perhaps I can shed some light on things.

    What your girlfriend is most likely going through is called perimenopause which happens 5-10 years before actual menopause. During this time, progesterone levels drop while estrogen levels generally stay the same. Even if they do lower slightly, the progesterone levels will usually be much lower creating what's known as 'estrogen dominance' or an imbalance of progesterone to estrogen. This causes many of the symptoms she's experiencing. The solution usually is to supplement with progesterone to balance things out. I'm 41, and I started experiencing many of the symptoms you listed (minus the night sweats), at age 37. I've been married 12 years (July 31) and it definitely puts a strain on a relationship. Lately, I just want to be alone. We haven't had sex since January because I have no desire to speak of. It's very difficult as I want to 'want to'. Your girlfriend may be feeling the same way. She probably feels bad about how it's affecting your relationship so maybe she's taking a break until things level out. I use a progesterone cream and it does help. Usually when progesterone is added, the testosterone will come up too. My progesterone and testosterone were both really low before the cream. I have to get tested again soon. The last test showed normal for both, yet my libido is still MIA. Low DHEA also plays a role in low sex drive as well. My DHEA has been consistently low for some time. Hormonal stuff is tricky and it can take months for things to level out. All I can say is try and hang in there and be supportive of her (which it sounds like you already are ). Have you been in contact with her recently?

    Last edited by kittywitty; 07-16-2011 at 08:18 AM.

     
    Old 07-17-2011, 04:01 AM   #3
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hi kittywitty

    Thanks for the reply,i do keep in contact with her,yes.i see her most weekends,and for the last 2 sunday nights she comes round my house,and we watch a film,and eat pizza.i do pop round hers on the odd occasion through the week,just to say hello,we do get on really well,even though we are not together,and thats how its been all along.We never had a really intimate relationship,sex was not high on the list,but that was because of both of us,she has said in the past that she can "take it or leave it".She hasnt said much about what the doctors have said,she said she is on two different medications,which she cant take at the same time,has to take one,one week,then the next the week after,not both at the same time.she hasnt said what they are,but i dont push to know either.she is a very private person,and i understand that,some people dont like to talk about things,i am very open though.She has said that the doctors have said it could take months before things settle down,she does seem alot happier than she was,we were chatting last night as we went out together,and she said she feels happier,and i jokingly said "lets get back together" and she replied "let me get the next lot of doctors appointments out the way" which is next month,i smiled and said ok,she has said she still likes me the same as before.She did say when we split up,that she felt it was unfair on me,but she didnt want to keep biting my head off,so i feel she is doing it for me to.she has said that the doctors think this might have been going on for quite a while,since she met me,but she didnt know,she has had alot of stress in her life recently,and they think maybe it was all the stress that triggered it off.How long does it take for things to start levelling out?i think she has been on meds for around two months.
    Also this thread is not just for the guys,i would like replies from the ladies as well,if you have been through this as well.

    thanks.

     
    Old 07-21-2011, 08:43 PM   #4
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hi, mikee! You're very welcome. I always try and help out people when I can and when I'm feeling up to it. Glad to hear you guys are keeping in touch. Hormone stuff can be really trying on the individual and even more so on a relationship. If my husband was a board member, he'd tell you all about it. I've bitten his head off many a time. I usually have to leave the house to keep from doing so, to cool down and regroup, when I'm feeling mood swingy or crabby. Often times I've felt it would be much easier if I wasn't married and could just be alone without having to leave.

    As for how long before it takes for things to level out? It really depends on the person. It generally can take up to three months, though. It does sound like something's working, though, if her mood is better. That's kind of half the battle right there because it can help her deal with her other symptoms better.

    I guess I'll close for now as I typed out a longer post then lost it! I can't remember all of what I wrote either. Ugh.

    Anyway, take care and keep posting.

    P.S. I also wanted to add that the 'menopause board' is also a helpful board. It's pretty much all women but there's a lot of good insight there about hormonal imbalances. There are many women on there going through the same things as your girlfriend, some are even around the same age.

    Last edited by kittywitty; 07-21-2011 at 09:02 PM.

     
    Old 07-24-2011, 03:06 AM   #5
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Thanks kitty
    Me and the ex keep in touch,seen her friday night and she said the medication must be working as she is feeling much better,she seems alot happier now,and laughs alot more,which she mentioned,said she hadnt laughed properly in ages.She also told me that she would still like to thin we could get back together,but she needs to get her next lot of doctor appointments out the way,which is in aug,before she thinks about it further,says she needs to be able to deal with it all,get her head round it,she does seem to be coping with it all alot better now,its good to see the smiling/laughing woman she was before.Hopefully we can be back together soon,but i am not rushing her to make a decision,i said i would still be around,and that i am not going anywhere else.

    Smiffy

     
    Old 07-28-2011, 11:05 PM   #6
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hey, Smiffy! I think I understand what she's saying about 'getting her head around it'. Just trying to come to the realization that something like this could happen so soon at only 39, I mean. I know I was completely floored when mine started at 37. No one ever warned me about this. I figured menopause and/or hormonal imbalances didn't start until at least your 50's and then only hot flashes, not all these nutty symptoms.

    Glad everything seems to be going well, though. You seem like a great guy and she's lucky to have someone so caring and supportive.

    Last edited by kittywitty; 07-28-2011 at 11:09 PM.

     
    Old 07-29-2011, 11:15 AM   #7
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Thanks kitty
    I am just trying to do my best,she keeps saying that she hopes we can be back together in the future,but i dont think it will happen,she keeps moving the goal posts,doesnt give me any i dea of when we might be back together,said she has to go back for more tests sometime in august,wont tell me what date,or anything.wont say what medication she is on,or what hormones are causing the trouble,i am starting to think maybe its not true.I am just finiding it difficult at the moment,and yes if it is all true i am just trying to understand what it must be like.
    I am feeling myself starting to want to distance myself,feeling very unsure,i said to her the other day "if you have no interest in us getting back together i would rather you just said so now"she said "i'm not saying that"i am just feeling so confused now,not sure what to do,i think i might be better off just leaving her to it,what do u think??
    thanks
    mikee

     
    Old 07-31-2011, 08:36 AM   #8
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hey, Smiffy, you're welcome. You said before that she's a very private person. I'm wondering, though, if she's just feeling embarrassed about it all? For me, it's all been very devastating. I don't even feel like a woman anymore, I feel like an 'it'. As I said before, I was never warned about any of this. I don't think a lot of women are. There's still the myth that it doesn't happen until we're older. And, when we go to the doctor about it, often times we're discounted and not taken seriously and given antidepressants to placate us. That type of 'treatment' only reinforces the myth and makes us second guess ourselves and think we're crazy. When you say she takes 'medication', I wonder if antidepressant meds are what she's taking. I've just never heard of taking one one week apart from the other, unless they interact with each other side effect-wise? If she is actually on hormone replacement therapy, I find it odd that what she's taking can't be taken simultaneously every day to get her levels up. I've just never heard of such a thing as you can't take two HRT's together. That's why I question whether she's even on HRT. Another thing that comes to mind is what has the trust been like in the past between you two? Had you known her very long before you started dating? I think she wants to be with you, by the way, otherwise she wouldn't see you at all. Like I said, she's probably just embarrassed.

    Last edited by kittywitty; 07-31-2011 at 08:58 AM.

     
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    Old 08-03-2011, 11:58 AM   #9
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Thanks again kitty.

    She has always said she is a private person,she doesn't really give much away,at the moment she says she doesnt want to tell me anything.I saw her out last friday,and we had a chat,i did make the mistake of saying that i thought that all the hormone stuff was made-up ( i had,had a few drinks,no excuse i know),she stomped off,and went home,maybe i was wrong,but i am having my doubts.I kinda feel like i am waiting around,and she said "if you are waiting around,thats up to you,not because of anything she has said" yet she keeps saying that she would like to think that maybe there could be a future,once the hormone stuff has sorted itself out,she only said that (or words very similar)a week before,that sounds like she is asking me to wait,or maybe i am getting it wrong??as for the medication she is on,that is a mystery to me to,we were talking about 4-5 weeks ago,and i said that i had been on antidepressants,citalopram to be exact,and she started asking questions about them, like how long before they started working,how long i took them,i did wonder if that might be what she is taking.she does keep saying she feels alot better,but she says she keeps having "blips" usually when something goes wrong for her.she hasnt said which hormones are causing the problem,thats one of the things she doesnt want to tell me,she just closes up.i guess it is possible that she feels embarrassed,i did ask if it was menopause,or perimenopause,she said it isnt either of them.I am getting very confused,and its starting to get to me a bit,i would like to think she is telling the truth.
    As for the trust,it has always been good as far as i know,i knew her for about 5-6 weeks before we got together,and it was her that made all the effort in the early days.It was me who finished it between us though,little story to that as well.at the moment it seems that if i dont make any effort with her (ring/txt/pop round)i dont hear from her.
    It all just seems weird to me.
    thanks for the continued replies.
    mikee.

     
    Old 08-05-2011, 12:01 AM   #10
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hey, mikee, you're welcome as always. Always glad to lend an ear. Maybe try not contacting her for awhile? Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Sounds like she needs a cooling off period anyway. It probably wasn't the best thing for you to say. It is frustrating, though, when you have to try to pull information out of people. She needs to be straight with you. You're trying your best to deal with everything and to understand and she just keeps playing the guessing game. I think I'd tell her when she gets everything straightened out to call you. Just my thoughts.

     
    Old 08-06-2011, 11:14 AM   #11
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hi kitty
    Thanks for the reply again.
    I went to hers today,to have a chat.I said to her that i believed that the hormone stuff was real.I asked her if she still felt the same about me as before we split,she replied "yes"i said do you think we would be together if the hormone problem wasn't there,she replied "yes"i asked if she would like to get back together in the future sometime,and she replied "i dont want to ask you to wait for me,as i know thats not fair on you,i dont want you to stop living your life,because of me"i said "my life is still going on as it was,i still visit friends,go out,do all the things i did before" i told her that she is the person i wanted to be with,and that i had no interest in being with anyone else,as i believed that i had found the person i wanted to be with,i said i was trying to understand what it was she was going through,she said "i just dont think i should be with someone while my head is in such a mess,its not fair on you"she said that she has to go back for some more tests in two weeks,and hoped that the results would be good,if not they might change her medication,and it could take a few more months to start working,and the doctors said it could be up to a year before she feels fully better.i asked her how she felt,and she said "sometimes she cries,but doesnt know why,and its not that she doesnt want to see me,but she doesnt want to see anyone,she said she is quite happy staying at home reading,she said she still has trouble sleeping,but not as bad as it used to be.
    We did talk more,but i cant remember most of it.she said she would like us to be friends,as we get on so well.Part of me thinks it could be depression,but she is embarrassed to say,i went through depression a few years back,and some of the things she said were how i used to feel,i never wanted to go out,or see friends,i just wanted to be at home.
    I am still not sure if she is telling me the whole truth,i feel there is something wrong,but she isnt telling me.i can understand her not wanting to tell me what it is,or what medication she is on.
    I said that i would leave it to her to decide what she wanted to do,she did say that it might be the case that she would possibly ring me in 6 months time,and say she was felling better and could we talk about getting back together,but i might not want that,and 6 months was only an example.
    I dont think she will ever tell me what is really wrong.
    thanks for reading the thread still,appreciate your replies.
    mikee

     
    Old 08-09-2011, 07:35 PM   #12
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hey, mikee

    The depression/crying spells are most likely part of the hormonal imbalance. Sounds like you guys talked a lot out and you know where you stand somewhat, though. Did you tell her that you thought there was something she wasn't telling you?

     
    Old 08-10-2011, 08:25 AM   #13
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hi kitty
    thanks again for the reply.
    I have always thought that there was something she isnt telling me,i have said to her in the past that i believe the reason she gives me,is not the real reason,she says it is,or asks me what i think it is.I said in the past i believe it because of the way that we split up,it was me who finished it.She says its not because of that.We split on a friday night,i went round to see her the day after (sat) and thats when she told me about the hormone problems,i thought it was strange as i had spoken to her two days before that,and said that i felt that something was wrong,because for a few weeks she had been biting my head off,she said it wasn't me,and that was it.I just thought it was strange that she could tell me after we split,she said she didnt really wanna tell me then,but she did because i didnt believe her when she said it wasnt me.I just feel now that it is all made up,she told me saturday that she has to go back next week,for more tests,to do with the levels,and if they are not getting better,they might have to change her medication which could take another 3 months to start working.Does this all sound real to you?I think she wont think about getting back into a relationship until the levels are better,but then wouldnt she know how the levels are,by how she feels?i am really starting to think,that this is all made up,and that she is just trying to let me down gently,i dont think she ever wanted to get back together,i have felt that she hasn't been interested in me for a long long time,but i also know that could be because of hormones.She said its a problem that could have been going on for a long time,even before we met (16 months ago) and she didnt realise.
    I am thinking now that i might be better off leaving her alone,i just seem to be chasing nothing,i should just realise that she has no interest in me anymore.

    thanks
    mikee

     
    Old 08-14-2011, 08:43 AM   #14
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hey, mikee,

    It doesn't sound like you trust her. Maybe you guys just need some time apart for awhile. That might be best for now. Just a suggestion.

     
    Old 08-16-2011, 02:24 AM   #15
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    Re: My gf's hormone imbalance,we split up

    Hi kitty
    Why do you think i dont trust her?I just think its strange that i asked her two days before we split if something was wrong,she just said it wasnt me,then when i finished it,she could tell me about the hormone problem.I do believe her,because she didnt seem happy for weeks before we split,and she did have night sweats,and struggled to sleep,which just wasnt like her.
    As for time apart we have been split up for two and a half months now,do you mean we should just not see each other?not sure what that would prove?
    again thanks for your reply,much appreciated.
    mikee

     
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