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Old 11-03-2017, 12:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2017
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Confused1966 HB User

I have so many questions, my MIL was in the hospital for 10 days due to not eating or drinking, she has now been moved to hospice. They have told my husband not to give her any food or liquids by mouth but he insists on trying to feed her. We were told today she has started the nine stages of dying and we can take her home next week if he would like. He said great and is telling everyone she is much better and will be home soon. He is not hearing a thing the nurses and doctors are saying. He asked me and my daughter to feed her today and we both said no and he got very upset. I need someone to tell me how to make him understand she is not gong to get better and they said possibly she might have 2 weeks if that. I know people are being to think he is unstable and cant understand but that is not the case. He is just in denial. I need help before the day comes.

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Old 11-03-2017, 01:51 PM   #2
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Re: Hospice

Dear Confused,

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through that. I don't know why hospice is sending her home! That seems crazy.

You can tell hospice what your dad thinks and is trying to do. Giving her food by mouth would cause choking and pain and cause her to die a horrible death. Hospice is supposed to be providing you support.

Can you explain to your husband that the doctor said "for now" she cannot swallow and that food or drink will make her choke, and that she just needs to rest? Her doctor needs to be told immediately that your father expects to feed her and that you don't want her to suffer by choking to death, esp. not in front of your father.

You can request that she be kept at the hospital/or where ever she is
I really am so sorry...
~ YaYa ~

Last edited by Administrator; 11-07-2017 at 09:40 AM.

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Old 11-03-2017, 02:27 PM   #3
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Re: Hospice

So sorry for your situation and impending loss. You sound like a loving and compassionate wife and DIL and for that your family is blessed. I would discuss the situation with the hospice nurses and see what help they can offer. I imagine they would be highly experienced in dealing with similar situations

Is your husband an only child or does he have a sibling that might talk to him? Or is there a religious figure that might be able to step in? Hospice care often includes chaplains to support both patients and families. They should have special training to deal with death and dying. Find out what help is available in this situation and use it. Even if your husband remains unwilling to accept his mother’s death, you need support, too.

Blessings for you and your family. May your MIL die in peace surrounded by those who love her.

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Old 11-03-2017, 05:04 PM   #4
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Re: Hospice

Hello. Unfortunately, denial is a stage of grief. There is not allot you can do yourself; however, hospice nurses and social workers are trained to work with families and can help your husband.

Your MIL will not be able to swallow anything at this time and if she has entered the dying process has no need for nutrition or hydration. Trying to force either on her will cause her to aspirate (choke) and will actually make her very uncomfortable.

Please speak with the nurse as soon as you can and let her know what you are dealing with; they will not send her home unless your family will follow their care plan and although dying at home is much preferable to dying in a hospital (and less expensive), you have to allow hospice to do their job.

Im very sorry you are going through this...but it wont take long before reality sets in and you are going to have to be there for your husband. Try not to pick fights right now as it will only upset the situation further. Just get hospice involved and let them be "the bad guys".
RRMS- dx 05

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