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Old 12-15-2002, 11:21 PM   #16
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: CANADA
Posts: 11
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bravo for you. take him home, it will be alot of work, but you can do it. insurance may pay for a nurse to come to your house. you are right, no one deserves that. it will mean everything to you and your husband. it has been a little over a month since my dad passed, and if i had had the opportunity to hold his hands during the past few weeks, i wouldn't have passed on it. get him home, cherish every moment, and keep up the fight. i know he will have some comfort in being home, and miracles do happen. i am thinking of you and praying for you and your husband. get him home, get him home, get him home, and hold his hand, and comfort him and whisper to him while he sleeps. you need this and so does he. get that nurse. please keep us updated.

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Old 12-16-2002, 05:13 PM   #17
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I did it. First I called the Hospice Social worker and told her what the Dr. there said. She told me that she sees him almost every day and anytime any one enters the room he gets restless. She headed down there and got an ambulance to bring him home. I threatened to come in a squad car, and my brother would have done it. In the mean time I also let our insurance co. have it. When our case worker called me back it was set up that I decide where he goes and what treatment means a trip to the hospital. I found out that he could have gone to Metro or St. Johns West Shore. (Mary knows where these are.) Much easier drives and way closer. So they lied...
The Cancer Dr.(W.) is really only like a consultant now.
I have been bugging the heck out of Danny all day though. I told him I just have to touch him. He is in better spirits. I think having a Dr. tell you that you weren't going to die in the next few days meant to him that he probably had a week. My God how heartless could one person be. The Social Worker spent two hours with us and said we probably could read each others minds by now.
Any way I needed the push you guys all gave me and if I can return the favor, just ask.
Cheryl & Danny.

Old 12-17-2002, 03:01 AM   #18
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: CANADA
Posts: 11

oh, i am so relieved. good for you, good for you, good for you. this is the thing, cheryl, you have to take the initiative. stay by your husbands side, he will be so happy to see you whenever he is awake. be constantly aware of his symptoms. this is your job now, but i know you can do it. all you can do for me is keep me posted. i am thinking of you. and am hoping for the best. mirrell

Old 12-19-2002, 07:41 PM   #19
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 2
KD82 HB User

Dear Cheryl,
HI, I want to tell you something. I think that you are a very strong woman. I have read most of your postings and you have done all that you can to make dan comfortable. 2 months ago I lost my mother to stage iv lung cancer. When we found out about it, they gave her 3-6 months to live. But she was a fighter, she lived for a year and a half. I am only 20 and I have a brother who is 13 and a sister who is 17. My dad is not taking it well, he is very depressed and can hardly smile. She died 5 days before my birthday. My mother was my best friend and now she is gone. But she will always be with me. THose who we have loved will always bw with us no matter what. Remember that love is a precious thing and that one day we will be together again in heaven with god. I am so sorry for your and dans pain, i will pray for you,
love kd82

Old 12-20-2002, 10:40 PM   #20
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 160
LeisaH HB UserLeisaH HB User

Cheryl! I was very shocked to hear of what the nurse said to you. Sometimes the nurses, are so used to this road that they will say what comes out of their brains without actually thinking about it. We had one nurse like that and Dad had her changed from mom's room on her shifts. Mom was always restless to when people came to visit. I think in some way, they too are nervous and wish to make you feel more comfortable. Towards the end mom was worried about coffee and always having it ready. She would also, after being attached to a alarm, she would often try and get out of bed and make it to the door. This was mom, a way that I will always remember her. Cheryl, remember too that you do not need to fill each and every moment with talking. Sometimes just sitting and listening to a cd did much to relaxed mom and made her feel more comfortable with visitors.
You must remember to to look after yourself! I did not and I relasped a bit with my kidneys which made me sicker in the end. I know that at the time, I was driving 18 hours to see mom, and staying with her did not seem at all draining.... but than I started staying the nights at the hospice and at least half the day then trying to look after my children the other half and sleeping. Needless to say, it was all very draining and I did not actually see that until after the funeral when I could not even drive the 9 hours home. Good luck Cheryl, my thoughts are with you and I watch daily for updates.

Old 12-21-2002, 06:53 PM   #21
Posts: n/a

Hello everyone. We have been doing ok since Danny came home. Today was scary, he almost fell and I caught him. A few years ago we would have both gone down, he was tall and strong then. I could never have held him up. I have had to give him extra methodone and ativan because I think the twisting motion really hurt him. He looks so frail and small, not like the 53 yr. old that he is. I pray that I'll remember him like he was but I know I'll remember this more.
The hospice people must have gotten chewed out by my insurance case worker because all except the Dr. that said the rotten stuff have called to apologize.
I thought a few times that Danny was taking his last breath, it seems so long between each one. He also won't eat or I should say can't eat more than a few bites a day. And never even has to urinate. He drinks plenty of fluids with the pills so I'm scared enough to call the nurse tomorrow.
I depend on this board for moral support even though we have a lot of family, I almost can't share the pain with them...

Old 12-22-2002, 12:37 AM   #22
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Parma, Ohio USA
Posts: 50
MaryP HB User

Hi Cheryl,

I am glad Dan is home w/you. I am so sorry for what you and Dan are going through - I totally relate as even though Bob is doing ok right now, I realize how FAST things can and do change w/stage four lung cancer, and it is sad.

Bob had a rough time of it w/his chemo Tuesday. He has been pale and weak and he might have a blood clot in his arm and we called the on-call doc tonight and he said to just call Dr. W Monday - WELL HELLO - HE NEEDS TO BE SEEN TONIGHT - but now he won't go in as the on-call doc told him to wait. UGGGG I will sue if something happens. His arm has a big lump in the vein that is traveling UP and it is the size of two baseballs, red, hot to the touch and he is IN AGONY. His BP is LOOOW and he is almost passing-out again. He is not doing very well at all right now. I heard once it hits the lymph nodes and liver (Bob's has) it is a 50-80% mortality rate.

Bob was thin as well and it scared me seeing him as such. The no body hair is tough on him and I look at old pic's and that is my Bob...I too want to remember him the way he was before he had cancer. I understand completely what you are saying.

I understand what you mean about now being able to share the pain with the family - I cannot either. I have my friends and I am VERY open with them - the family however is a different matter entirely. Bob's Mom won't accept it that her son probably won't be here next year at this time (I am being realistic, not negative) but I MUST accept it as I am the one left to handle ALL...she has her husband, my father-in-law to lean on and my sister-in-laws have their husband's to lean on, the family ALL have spouses to lean on and I swear to God it is NOT the same leaning on a parent vs. one's spouse and I will have my friend's ONLY. Sure I have my parent's - but our relationship is "rocky". I do not have brothers or sisters either - hence the "rocky" relationship w/my parent's - they expect me to be perfect and I am NOT...I have an anxiety disorder and life is hard enough on me...they just don't "get that" despite my numerous attempts to educate them through the years. UGGGG

Try to sit with Dan and hold his hand and perhaps read to him or put a favorite CD or movie on.

I agree with the other poster - YOU MUST take care of YOU in this...I was not and now I am and it makes it easier to cope truly does.

You hang in there Cheryl and remember to take one day at a time - one hour at a steps. That is my life steps to make it through each day and work - I delve into my job as it helps me to forget - even for a short time...


[This message has been edited by MaryP (edited 12-22-2002).]

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