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beezkneez 04-30-2004 10:21 PM

HPV & Guilt
I've read so many posts on here about people having hpv and feeling guilty, disgusting, and ashamed. I was also diagnosed with cirvical hpv 4 months ago and I had a cone biopsy. I feel so embarrassed like everyone who looks at me knows that I have it. I know that 80% of the sexually active population has hpv but why me is what keeps running through my mind. I'm not a bad person as I am sure none of you are. I've talked to my boyfriend about it and he is very understanding but I need someone else to talk to about it.

If you all don't care...could someone write to me and help me get through my shame and possibly learn more about it. I would very much appreciate it! Thank you for your time.

rebekkabobekka 05-01-2004 12:26 AM

Re: HPV & Guilt
Hiya :wave:

I was told 15 years ago that I had was very upsetting and I felt very dirty.. but after I sat down and thought about it and thought to myself that there were other things alot MORE harmful I could have gotten and that I only had myself to blame, I didn't feel as bad... I have never actually had warts nor have I had a bad pap since then, Sure it's something they can't will always have the virus in your body..but more likely than not once you have it treated you won't have anymore outbreaks... I totally understand how you feel..I have 2 children my son is 10 and my daughter is 8..I had no complications during birth with either of them..and I had them both vaginally... my husband has never developed any kind of warts or anything... and I told him simply by saying that 15 years ago I made a mistake...... and after our talk it really never mattered alot to him..because he loves me... and his only want is to be with me and these kids... I know you feel guilty.. but things will get better I promise! things happen... you can't change it... so you just keep your head up... it's not the end of the world...if it had of been my world would have ended years ago... I guess in a way it was kind of something that had to happen to me..cuz if it wouldn't have god only knows where I would have been... I am usually always on late so if you have any questions or concerns or just wanna talk... leave me a note... Take care of yourself... and live :jester: :D :cool: :bouncing:

Katttob 05-03-2004 03:57 PM

Re: HPV & Guilt
I also was diagnosed with HPV about 2 1/2 months ago. Mine is the warts and high risk for cancer type. I am going into the dr to have my cervix froze later this week. I assume that I got the virus from a guy I dated for a short time, and at this time I was not myself and forgot my vaules. Even though the guy and I never had intercourse I got the virus from skin to skin contact (that shows how contagious it really is!). That has to be one of the most upsetting things, because I decided along time ago that I wanted to wait for sex until marriage so that I wouldn't have to worry about stuff like this or pregnancy. But I ended up with this anyways.
I know exactly how you are feeling! When I was first diagnosed, I felt like everyone knew and looked at me differently and those thoughts still cross my mind. I have been blessed with a very understanding mother who I know I can speak to anytime and also a great boyfriend. I am currently a college student so I can visit a therapist on campus at no charge, I have gone and plan to keep going so that I can try to get past all of this and be myself again. I just try to keep in mind that this is probably a wake-up call to me. A big wake-up call!
Thanks for your posts and feel free to write me, I feel so much better knowing there are other people who feel the same as myself!

beezkneez 05-03-2004 11:38 PM

Re: HPV & Guilt
Katttob, First thank you for your reply. I am glad that there are people who understand how I feel. I can talk to my mom about anything but I am afraid that she would be disappointed in me. Mine is also high risk for cancer but mine is cervical hpv. I am also in college and I never thought about going to the school therapist. Does it really help? Do they know what they are talking about? How do I just go to the school therapist and start a conversation about hpv? How do you help yourself to feel better about your uncomfortable feelings? I am sorry there are so many questions, I just want to heal my heart and also to help others. Again, thank you for your reply, I really appriciate it. Please write back.

beezkneez 05-03-2004 11:47 PM

Re: HPV & Guilt
rebekkabobekka, Thank you for your response. If you don't mind me asking, what treatment did you recieve? Was it a cone biopsy, leep, or freezing. Like I said I had the cone biopsy and my dr. said that there was a 7% chance of the abnormal cells reoccuring. I go back in a month for a check up exam. Hopefully things will end up as well as yours did. I am happy for you truly! My most important question is: I've only been with one guy so...that is where I got the hpv...and we are still together so, can I get abnormal cells from him again if we have unprotected sex now? Like you said it never goes away and it will lay dormant but will the abnormal cells be reactivated? I know I can ask my dr in a month but I kind of want to know now. This is the man I want to marry and have my kids with. Thank you again for your post. Write back

rebekkabobekka 05-04-2004 03:00 AM

Re: HPV & Guilt
Hiya Beez! :bouncing:

Back when I was told I had Hpv I had to go have the abnormal cells frozen off of my cervics... There are things I am finding out myself now that back then were not even thought of... when I found out I had it there was no public statement saying that certain strains could cause cancer.. I was reading something interesting on the American Social Health Association..this is what it said: Will I have the HPV virus forever?
Probably not. HPV infection is very common, but it usually goes away within 1-2 years.
It also states that it doesn't mean u don't have it anymore..more so it states that most peoples body surpresses the virus..also.. Partners who are sexually intimate only with each other do not pass the same virus back and forth..
Now I had mine taken care of before I met my husband and I were bestfriends for 5 years before we got married and we never had protected sex... and he never has gotten hpv.. I guess mine was surpressed..because like I said I have never had any problems since way back when... but the wierd thing is that I never had any symptoms I only found out because I went in for my yearly pap and it came back abnormal...
I hope all this helps you..and yup make sure to ask your doctor about these concerns too.. and please share anything you may find out new about this virus... Oh and by the for me... as time went by I forgot about even having isn't something I think of daily...not I said you just chaulk it up as a lesson learned and go on with your'll be fine..just continue to get your paps..cervical cancer is preventable if you catch it early enough... feel free to write me back... :wave:

Katttob 05-04-2004 12:30 PM

Re: HPV & Guilt
If you are enrolled in college, I would recommend that you go talk to a therapist at your school. All I did was look up the phone number for the student services psychological center on the schools website (or you could probably call the information center and they would the #) and I just called and set up an appointment. You don't need to worry about how you will bring up the subject of HPV, because the therapist will ask you why you came in to speak with him/her and you will just tell them. My therapist told me she didn't know much about the virus, so she asked me to tell her all that I knew. The conversation wasn't akward at all, therapists are trained professionals so they know how to listen and what to ask. Just remember that they can't give you answers, they can only help you to find them. And if you don't think you would be comfortable talking with a man about the subject, when you call for your appointment ask that you want the therapist to be a woman. The therapy session, was nice because you can just talk about how you feel and they just sit and listen and at the end of the session we made some goals for me to accomplish that would help me to feel myself again (working out, going to church, etc.).
I know that it is hard to talk to your mom, don't feel like she is disappointed (I know it is hard but don't) your mom, is your mother and loves you and only wants to best for you. I find it a lot easier to talk to my mom than anyone else because I know that she truly cares I also find comfort in talking to my boyfriend (but it's hard because guys just want to deal with things and get over them and not sit around and talk about them) and I have found that I don't like to talk to my friends about it (the 2 I told because they forced me to tell them what was bothering me) because they seem to sit and talk about what they think about it. So my mom has been the best comfort because she just listens. And if you every need someone to listen, just drop me a note! :)
I don't know how to tell you to get over the uncomfortable feelings/thoughts that you have about yourself, the only thing I do is try to remember that the thoughts aren't true (even though I feel like they are) and that bad things happen to good people. And that time will probably be the only thing that will help you to heal and for me I need to forgive myself before I can be myself again. Don't worry bout all the questions, feel free to ask!
Some info, to share with all of dr told me that there is a less than 5% chance that my bf will show any symptoms, because men are considered to be "carriers" since they rarley show signs or symptoms, but that doesn't mean that they don't have it because they can still pass the virus onto others even though they don't have symptoms.
One question I have to any of you...can men develop penille cancer from high risk hpv? I need to ask my dr this and i'll let you all know what he says, but do any of you have info on this??

KimRick 05-04-2004 12:43 PM

Re: HPV & Guilt
If you take good care of yourself and your immune system, your body will supress the virus, but until they find a cure, it will never go away! It'll ALWAYS be present in your body! It's true, you can't "reinfect" yourself with the same strain/s as you can w/herpes. But you do risk introducing new strains, as well as other std's, when you have multiple partners. It really depends on the person and how well they take care of themselves. On the other hand, I know people that are health nuts, literally, and still can't seem to shake the abnormal paps. You also have to be aware of the fact that this disease isn't curable, only treatable. It doesn't matter how many surgeries one has to remove the infected tissue, the disease is still going to be there. I have read that HPV is associated with penile and colon and HPV is responsible for 20% of all oral cancers! I think that the penile & colon cancer is widely disputed because there's not enough info to directly link the disease with those specific types of cancers like they can with cervical cancer. But, you never know - anything's possible!

rebekkabobekka 05-05-2004 02:10 AM

Re: HPV & Guilt
Just to clarify... I never said the virus would just disappear...I was stating what I had seen on a website... I have had this virus long enough now to know that it will never go away... I do belive that it surpresses it enough in your body that it is really like it isn't there... even though it is... like I had said my husband has never contracted hpv... All I can state is how it has affected me and my situation and what i have learned from my expierence...
It's nothing to be ashamed of... I worry more so about getting up and getting my kids to school on time and myself to work more so than I worry about if hpv is active or not... there are so many other things in life to worry about.. as long as u have your paps and are in a relationship that is monogamous then you have nothing to worry about.. anyway..just wanted to clear up my point..

rebekkabobekka 05-05-2004 03:26 PM

Re: HPV & Guilt
I just got back from the doctor and he gave me this website:

if you can't get there from here just go to : and search for hpv it should be the first search result you get..

he said that is the best reference he can provide because it is the latest and most updated... I hope that it will help everyone that may need it...

Have a wonderful day! :bouncing:

jhalterm 05-06-2004 05:25 AM

Re: HPV & Guilt
Beez I will give you a mans point on this. I recently started dating a woman and a week or so into us dating she informed me that a week prior to us starting our relationship she was diagnosed with HPV. I have come to know and love this woman very much and I do not think she is dirty or unclean in any way. Things happen and we all make mistakes, especially me. I still find her to be as beautiful as the first day I met her and never ever think different because of this stupid virus. She has had her cervix burned to rid her of the abnormal cells and so far everything is great.

Hang in there and everything will be fine.

Gtpchic31 05-08-2004 10:36 AM

Re: HPV & Guilt
HI, I also have also contrated cervical hpv. I was just diagnosed about a month ago. It was a huge shock and i am pretty sure i got it from my boyfriend. He is ver helpful and totally great about this. Me on the other hand tend to over react and get myself all worked up. Last friday i went in for a colcospy and had 2 samples taken. Doc just called yesterday and i have to go in to get frozen. I think talking about it to people really helps. My mom is being really good about it execpt i think shes disapointed in me cuz it is a sexually transmitted but shes still there for me. I also have a good friend who had had it for a few years now. Its just not something you think about at 22 that one day you may get cancer. I did so much research on it and that also kind of helped me not worry so much. If you think talking to a school thearapist will help id say go for it. It sure cant hurt.

lins16 05-08-2004 08:23 PM

Re: HPV & Guilt
After i started dating this awesome guy for about 2 months, I find out I have HPV. I have told him and he was great, but I dont think he really understands about this disease. I feel horrible that he probably has it too. Althought he knows that I had no idea and is not angry, yet, with me at all. He said it was not my fault , I didnt know. Its only the low risks type that produced warts, but how can I help him cope wiht this? I don't care about me, I can find a way to deal. but I unknowningly have involved him in this situation. He doesn't make any signs or warts yet, but when he does, how do I help him deal? How can you have a normal relationship with this was hard enough to tell my bestfriend, and having this makes me feel like I slept around and am dirty, even though I know I am now. Any thoughts from a guy? I'd really like to know how to handle the next few weeks assuming we stay together....Thanks..

beezkneez 05-09-2004 09:06 PM

Re: HPV & Guilt
lins- Do you have cervical hpv or is it on the outside of your genitals in the wart form? If it is cervical then I don't think there is a chance that he will get the warts but he can be a carrier of the virus eventhough he shows no signs of it. Please feel free if you have any more questions to just ask us here. Everyone who has posted here has been so very helpful for me.

jhalterm- Thank you for leaving your post. I wondered what a man would think about it. I mean my boyfriend is great and supportive but I didn't know what he really thought. Thank you and if you have any other thoughts please feel free to let us know.

rebekka- Thanks for the website!! I will be sure to check it out. I also heard that ***** has good information on it but I haven't checked it out yet. I will let you know when I look.

Also, I talked to my Mom about me having HPV and she took it really well. I thought she would be very disappointed but she was supportive and she knows that I have only been sexually active with my boyfriend. She has helped me cope with it alot and told me that we would fight it. Listening to everyone here has helped me so much! I'm starting to think that maybe I am overreacting and that I can have a normal life. I still feel like people can look at me and tell like I have HPV wrote on my forehead but I am dealing with it. That is all I know to do right now. Thank you all for posting and keep on doing it. It is helping and maybe we can help others too! If anymore info is found out then please post it here for us all! Thanks again.

beezkneez 05-09-2004 09:18 PM

Re: HPV & Guilt
I also have another question....everyone on here has said that they have either had their cervix frozen, leep, or burnt. Why am I the only person who had a cone biopsy? I mean I am 21 years old and have no children. The dr said that it would not effect me having kids in the future but why did I have to have 1/2 of my cervix cut out? Was my HPV that bad?? Yes it was high risk but..... Any answers?

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