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losing it :(

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Old 10-15-2012, 06:47 PM   #1
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Location: new york
Posts: 132
tryingtofindpeace HB User
losing it :(

well i am back again after a few months of no forums what so ever, here or anxiety boards no therapist after feeling like myself again. about the end of may up until these past few days i have felt great. minus being on academic probation from the spring semester, im doing alot better in my classes til this point, working and my relationship has never been better with my girlfriend.

i have convinced myself i have ms again. i had started gettin palps back in 08 when i convinced myself i was dying, after a long time of being stressed i had gone back into a stretch of feeling like myself. it seems like my luck i go from happy to another lul of anxiety and back and forth.

well to make a long story short, i had a few palps every once in a while the past couple weeks, and i occasionally get a tight feeling in my calf/ foot and same in my arm every once in a while. today i have kind of felt it on and off all day because today has been the entire day of me focusing on that even through work and the ice hockey game i went to with my two brothers. all i could think about is why this is happening and saying i have ms.

ontop of convincing myself, i cant stop thinking about if...if i even was to have it that i will end up in a wheel chair i think everything will progress so fast and i will not be able to work, do much, and the worst i think about even over myself is leaving my girlfriend because i wouldnt want her to suffer from all the issues i would possibly have. im just thinking about the worst case scenario and how i havent even gotten my life really going. im 23 and still finishing for my bachelors and have such a great girlfriend.

i havent had an mri before or any tests beside a very extensive set of blood work a little while ago. in fact i am afraid if i even was asked for a test to get the results.

my symptoms i have had i guess are the the ache/sfeeling in my left arm and leg.
- when i was a kid i would only have bowl movemnts every 2-3 days then went to 1 but now seems to be back at every 2-3 days. i dont really ever eat much with fiber so i think that is the issue on that.
-im not sure if when i was stressed really badly at around 19 messed up my man parts but it seems like i dont have much of a sex drive, or those random erections in the morning or throughout the day everyone online says i should have. but i do not have a problem when i make love with my girlfriend. but it doesnt always feel 100%.

i run on 5 6 hours of sleep a night no problem. i am never tired and never need naps.
there is times where i kind of feel shaky. and that also makes me nervous.

also have had lyme disease twice, from two different times as a kid and then a year ish+ ago, went on the meds read alot about it coming and going etc.

i mean im just lost again and scared

part 2 from another post - i took doxy for two months not knowing u needed to take on an empty stomach, then took another 2 month dose the correct way. i feel like i will be a medical headache for my mom. when i was 19 is when my anxiety came on.

now since yesterday the aches in my legs and hands are worse because all i can think about is having ms and my "extrmeties" having weird feelings. all i think about is me ending up in a wheel chair being with no job and losing my girlfriend.

i contacted my therapist about going back.
im just scared i had lyme disease i went on the meds and took them fully, went through anxiety and think i have ms. throwing the lyme and anxiety in the mix i feel like i will just be a medical nightmare for my mom and girlfriend who im afraid to even tell her i came back on.

i know the symptoms of my leg and arm are not bad but they scare me. and ive been so stressed it seems like every once in a while i misplace something and minutes later i dont remember where exactly i left it after moving around.

im staying off the forums even though i know the few minor symptoms i have had. i know also a event in your life can trigger your body to do weird things for the rest of your life and nothing be wrong really.

it seems like the symptoms are in the same spot in arm and leg. i just cant keep my mind off something being wrong.

and i cant keep my mind off these worst case scenarios that i will be bed or wheelchair ridden. no job no money and the worst no girlfriend/wife. i almost convinced myself to go and get a ring while im still in school because i dont want to lose her.

Last edited by Administrator; 10-15-2012 at 07:48 PM.

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Old 10-15-2012, 06:50 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: new york
Posts: 132
tryingtofindpeace HB User
Re: losing it :(

and palpatations i feel like this anxiety has given me a heart condition thinking these are severe heart palps.

my boss's daughter went to a cardiologist because she was having palps and was stressed and it turned out to be the way she controls her breathing was causing her palpitations that were not life threatening and i always catching my self holding my breaths for a little after exhales. ontop of anxiety i hope thats all it is. it will never end. all i can think about is i will never get to marry my girlfriend

Last edited by Administrator; 10-15-2012 at 07:46 PM.

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