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Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

those with 1 year old and older sibling

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Old 04-24-2006, 07:15 AM   #1
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Kiera1595 HB User
those with 1 year old and older sibling

Is anyone else having their kids "fight" at this young age. DD is 1 DS is 3. He takes very good care of her most of the time...bringing her binky, sharing snacks, playing together, etc. But if he grabs a toy from her she will actually yell at him and sometimes take a swipe. She just turned 1 !! Then he yells back and I'm sitting there going, OMG they are actually fighting already. I'm an only child, so I never grew up bickering with siblings.

Don't get me wrong...I quickly step in and stop it with distraction for the baby and a quick explination for the 3 year old, but man...I am not ready for this yet.
"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh

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Old 04-24-2006, 12:46 PM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2006
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sapphiregem HB User
Re: those with 1 year old and older sibling

i hear kids are both Jan babies, dd is 3 and ds is 1 and i have it to right now, it's amazing the sibling love at such a young age, LOL

but you are so right, dd will give him treats, a cup a blanket a doll she isnt wanting to play with, but as soon as he finds something fun and she wants it she takes it or vice versa and the whining the "Give it back!" and me going kids, if you cant share i take dd is bright but i have to remember she is only 3 and sharing is an aquired taste, sorta speak...i have grandmothers and doctors telling me i am doing the right thing by stepping in and taking the arguement away (toy usually) and explaining about sharing and that the baby needs to learn this too, but he's only JUST llearning so we have to teach him...i feel like i am ganging up on dd some times, but other times she wont let that poor boy get 2 mins of peace with a toy he realized he likes....

it's frustrating and unfortunately only gets worse

Old 04-24-2006, 06:08 PM   #3
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2fst HB User
Re: those with 1 year old and older sibling

DS is an only child but my mom watches him with other children that are older then him. They are all very good to DS and always play with him even though they are 4 and 5 year olds. DS loves them so much and it is so fun to watch. But my mom also has a 2 year old that is not 100% mentally (his dad shook him as a baby). Well so far the 2 yo has been good with DS even though he has a thing for throwing things. But the other day DS went to grab a toy that this kid had and the kid throw the matchbox car at DS head. DS now has a small cut by his eye. I was not happy but now we know we can't let the kid near DS even though up until now things have been good.

Old 04-26-2006, 07:38 AM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2004
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Altson HB User
Re: those with 1 year old and older sibling

Hey Kiera - It's all normal. My first two fought at those ages (they're 26 months apart), then we added in Blake 4 1/2 years later, they all three fought and do fight still and now here's miss bossy 1 yr. old Drue and they all fight with her too. 11, 9, 5 and 1 yr. old bickering, it can get quite loud in our house. I've also found that Drue absolutely knows she can get her older brother and sisters in trouble already. She gets such a look of satisfaction on her face when I come over during an argument.

I don't agree with taking away the toy that they are fighting over, they'll just move on to some other toy to argue about, in my opinion. The argument is a control issue and they are trying to get their own little pecking order within your family. What I do is give the toy to the person that had it first with an explanation about why I am doing it. Then if the other person still freaks out, they have to go to another room until they get themselves under control. If I don't know who had it first, we all sit on the floor and play with it together for a few minutes and by then they normally move on to something else. I don't feel sharing is a concept that they can grasp until about 3 1/2+ years old.

Here's what I do as they get older (obviously not until they are about 3+, younger than that, just referee, try not to yell yourself and set as good an example as you can) I have the kids hold hands and/or calmly and with nice voices, tell each other things they like about that person. Let me tell you having them hold hands will stop just about any public arguing/fighting they start in about 3 seconds. The "say nice things" works very well at home.

When my DH and I argue, the joke is when one of says "Ok, say nice things!"

Old 04-27-2006, 07:40 AM   #5
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Kiera1595 HB User
Re: those with 1 year old and older sibling

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. Larsons, I really like some of your ideas. Plus I love getting advice from a mom of four!!! I don't know how you do it!
"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh

Old 04-27-2006, 09:54 AM   #6
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siren1024 HB User
Re: those with 1 year old and older sibling

Keira, mine are 21 months apart and are doing the same thing. Uggh... in my situation, it's usually my son who's the instigator and my little one who whacks him, yells at him, snatches it back.

I do like alot of the ideas above, thanks! I don't always step in immediately unless I think someone is about to get seriously hurt. (For instance, DS will sometimes try to shove her if she whacks him) I really want them to learn conflict resolution for themselves. But I do make sure to tell them both that they are expected to share. I don't let them get too physical, but if he takes a toy away and she snatches it back, I tell DS "your sister had it first. You can have it when she's done or you can share...." something like that.

But I was totally shocked at how early it starts!! I thought I had a little while before I had to worry, but it really started suddenly the second she started walking.
Married 09/28/2002
DS born 07/05/2003
DD born 3/24/2005

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