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    Old 02-21-2007, 07:31 AM   #1
    ML300
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    8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    Even though I've been throught the 2ww more than once, this time has been the worst. I'm at 6dpiui (if you don't count the actually day of iui...) and day 14 can't come fast enough.
    I've never really vented here but I knew you women, more than any others would understand and not think badly. On Monday evening one of my best friends called to tell me she got a BFP. She's only been trying for 1 month!! Please, don't get me wrong, I love her to death and wish her nothing but the best and healthy pregnancy. She is aware that I just had my final iui on Thurs., the small fortunte spent just to have the possibility of getting pg, the side effects and extra bloating that comes with the meds - it just crushed me. I know that's so wrong to say because she only did it out of excitement not thinking that it would reduce me to a depressed pile of tears. Is it terrible to say that I just wish she would have waited one more week before telling me? We work together too, so I'm having this terrible thought that maybe she "used up all the available Baby Dust for this month" -- that sounds so insane...doesn't it !!!! I'm so depressed and the next 7 days are going to take forever. I know I can't get too down becauses I don't want to stress in case that's bad too !! I'm a mess right now. I can't focus & I've got a demanding stressful job - what a wonderful week to look forward to.
    I'm sorry for being so long winded, I just had to get this out so that I could function the rest of the week.
    So, Ladies, here's to bringing up the BFP count !!!! We've got to get the positives flowing again. I've got you all in my prayers.
    Michelle

     
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    Old 02-21-2007, 07:41 AM   #2
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    Re: 8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    Hi Michelle. I am sorry that you are not feeling well. I am also sorry that your friend couldn't realize how her announcement might make you feel. You know, people who don't go through IF do not really understand what it feels like to have a hard time getting pg. They just don't think about it. They take the process for granted, while we analyze every little aspect of the process. I mean, I think about it in steps, like "ok, the egg needs to get fertilized and the it needs to travel in the tubes safely, today it needs to work on implanting"... I mean it drives me crazy. Most people, not dealing with IF, just don't think about it that way. Your friend wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I am sure, she just didn't think about it. I am still sorry though b/c I know how hard it is for friends and relatives to be pg. when you are wanting to be pg. so badly and it seems like such a terrible feat!!

    The week will pass quicker than you think. I am 12dpiui today and it felt like it would take forever to get here and it did get here, pretty quickly actually. Just try not to focus on it too much. (easier said than done!!) But, if you can take your mind off of it, the time will pass. Good luck to you!! I pray you get your BFP this month. Was the IUI successful?? How many follies??

    Anna Leigh

     
    Old 02-21-2007, 07:56 AM   #3
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    Re: 8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    Hi Michelle,

    I'm so sorry this 2ww is an emotional roller coaster. Some are worse than others. I remember when one good friend told me she was pregnant after 2 months of trying and I had been trying for a year. Then my best friend wasn't even trying and got pregnant when I was still trying for 2 years. The last one really threw me over the edge too and I think I cried almost an entire weekend. Like your friend, I don't think she realized how telling me would upset me because she was just excited and didn't understand my point of view. Eventually I got over it and the first friend's baby is now 8 months old and my best friend is 6 months pregnant. I'm okay around them now. It was hard but I got through it. I wish you much strenght to get through this next week until beta. I'm hoping you get your BFP too.

    Lori

     
    Old 02-21-2007, 08:02 AM   #4
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    Re: 8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    oh im so sorry you are feeling down.. and i know exactly what you mean, about your friend.. if you are close enough that she knew you guys were TRYING and needed intervention, she should have not told you right now.. she def. should have waited... and even though she didnt do it intentionally, you feeling upset is a valid feeling, especially from teh hormones and just being in the 2ww.. do whatever you can to pick yourself up, and try not to go crazy.. we hear will be praying hard for you.. and i think there is some baby dust left for you and every1 else hear still waiting this month for their miracle.. Aimee

     
    Old 02-21-2007, 08:16 AM   #5
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    Re: 8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    Hi Michelle,

    I am really sorry you feel down today. If's it's an consellation I am down too today I wrote a thread to vent as well....so do you want to come to my pity party?? It's tonight at 8pm!! But seriously, don't feel guilty for feeling sad about your friend. IF is really hard and it's normal for you to feel hurt and sad for you. I agree that she should have waited to tell you. The fact that you work together also just plain sucks right now and I am sorry. A friend of mine did the same thing during one of my 2ww and it made it all the more difficult to get through that cycle. People who are not going through this just have difficulty understanding and even empathizing with our situatation. They just don't have a clue how much emotional, financial and physical effort it takes. But I guess we would't either if we were not here. Try to keep yourself very busy and maybe treat yourself to something nice b/c you may just have a BFP too and you want that baby to feel +++++vibes from you ok vent all you went and we will help you pass the time. Your almost there kiddo Praying for you that you have a BFP!!!

    kathy

     
    Old 02-21-2007, 08:24 AM   #6
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    Re: 8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    You ladies really are the best. I was blessed the day I stumbled across this site. I couldn't discuss my feelings with anybody else around me because they really wouldn't understand & I would just seem calius. Thank you all for making me feel that I'm not crazy or terrible (although my DH can't wait for me to be off the hormones!! LOL). Right after venting to you guys, I read about Deluka's possible busted cycle and that easily made me put things in perspective and realize that although my feelings were hurt, that's all it is and to just give over it.
    Remember, it's not over until the fat lady sings .... for any of us !!!

    Thank you all again !
    Michelle

    Anna Leigh --will you test Friday? Have you had any "twinges"? The iui went well. The lining was a 9.2 and I had one 24 follie (3 were around 15). DH counts/motility were really good too. Now, I'm just hoping that one really smart sperm asked for directions to the egg and was polite enough for her to let him in !!! Baby dust to you !!!

     
    Old 02-21-2007, 08:38 AM   #7
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    Re: 8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    That sounds great, Michelle, for your IUI!! A lining of 9.2 is good. I am not sure what my lining was on the day of the IUI. My RE doesn't check that or either they didn't tell me, if they did. That is one of the things I have been worried about. My lining 3 days before the IUI was at like 5 or 6. I hope that it got thicker before the IUI or at least before implantation needed to occur. I can't say that I am really having any symptoms. Some of the things I feel, like nausea and dizziness, I feel most of the time anyway. So, I can't quite consider them symptoms. Now, I did have cramping at 10dpiui, which I took to mean that AF was on her way and I was devasted that day, but the cramping has since gone away and only came back for a couple of hours last night. It keeps going away though, not the usual way that the cramping does me for AF. It is also 14 days past my temp shift, which is a longer luteal phase for me. But, I don't know if that would have anything to do with the trigger shot. I did the trigger shot on the morning of my temp shift, per RE's instructions. We did the IUI the next day.

    I will call Friday morning if no AF. Are you going to HPT or go in for a beta?? Good luck to you.

    Anna Leigh

     
    Old 02-21-2007, 09:06 AM   #8
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    Re: 8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    I'll use a hpt next week. Before going for beta. During this IF journey, I've learned more than I ever cared to know about how all the planets & stars have to be in alignment for this to work. So, for my own sake (and that of my DH) I've pretty much only track the simple stuff like the specific dates the RE tells me (u/s, take pills, take inj, IUI and test date). Even with those few, my calendar looks like chicken scratch !!
    I tested early the last time (that was just plain stupid!) and have sworn to myself that I wouldn't do that this time. I've even found myself making promises to the Morning Sickness gods that I won't gripe if I'm sick every morning for 3 months !!! lol - The things we do .....

     
    Old 02-21-2007, 09:11 AM   #9
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    Re: 8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    Oh my gosh!! I have promised God many times I will never complain about morning sickness if he ever lets me get pregnant!

     
    Old 02-21-2007, 10:17 AM   #10
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    Re: 8 Days to go...moody & depressed

    Chiming in late here - but wanted to tell you I know exactely how you feel and I would reccomend taking on a big project (spring cleaning?) that would preoccupy you for a week or so...

    Hang in there! Dana.

     
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