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  • Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

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    Old 04-11-2007, 06:26 AM   #31
    JAM82
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    [QUOTE=still hoping;2913544]


    Still hoping,


    I really like that one!

     
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    Old 04-11-2007, 09:19 AM   #32
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Thanks Still hoping! I like that one too!!

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 01:06 PM   #33
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Deluka-
    That is so true. The friends that I will keep will be the ones who were there for me. I really agree with that. Some people just don't understand and really don't care to. I have found who my true friends are though this whole ordeal.

    Carisa

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 01:10 PM   #34
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Jam-
    You are so funny. I find myself criticising other peoples parenting too. I think it is my defense mechanism. My cousin has two kids and one on the way and she lets her kids do whatever they want, and she thinks it's cute too. I've always hated going to the mall or some public place and seeing unfit mothers with 3,4,or 5 kids running around screaming. It makes my DH and I so mad.

    Carisa

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 01:25 PM   #35
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    I guess I never really had any true friends then because no one has stuck by me thought out this whole thing except DH of course. Well and my family. But all my friends had there own kids and felt uncomfortable around me so there solution to the problem was to walk away and not help me through this difficult time in my life. It is kinda sad. I am sure once I have my own kid they will all come around again.

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 01:31 PM   #36
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Hey Carisa and Silly,

    It is true and so sad to find out this way who is really there for you. Even our parents are getting sick of hearing about it. But what can we do we are the one living it not them and no matter what they just can't see it and feel the pain as we do.
    Silly- I hate that my friends and family who are prego are uncomfortable with me I feel like that with them too and is just sucks!! It's is just one more thing that hurts me and DH and I have to deal with. I hate the pity look I get and I feel like my mom blabs to everyone and that the all talk about it behind my back. Do I sound a bit paranoid or what !! LOL!! But it's true!! Like I said in my other post just gotto look at 5 years down the road either way I will be a mommy!! I got the 5 year plan to keep me going. Just 3 more years left of misery!! LOL!!! Well hopefully not hopefully I will have a BFP soon and so will you! Like Carisa does!!

    kathy

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 01:38 PM   #37
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Silly if thats the case and they come back u know what to do my girl slam that door right in their face.I have done that to old friends that werent worth my time.The only one I kept is priceless.

    Mapia

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 04:26 PM   #38
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Deluka and Silly-I didn't mention this but, I have lost contact with many people because they were not sensitive to my feelings at all. They were the kind, and WE ALL know a few, who put on maternity wear at 8 wks preggo and are rubbing their stomach as if they are 9 months. LOL!!! I hated that and will never be one of those women. I was always a little embarrassed for them because I thought it looked so dumb! My parents got sick of hearing about it too. When it is THE biggest thing in you life for so long, it's hard not to talk about it, especially to your mom and dad. My parents have been huge supporters of us even though I think they are sick of hearing about it.

    carisa

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 04:58 PM   #39
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    I am dealign with this every day right now.

    Where we are stationed, we go to a bible study every week. In this bible study, we have a women's group. We're quite tight, and it's a blessing to have them because I was quite upset when we moved.

    But the problem is...NINE of them are pregnant, and three of them have given birth recently...as in within the past 3 months. Yes, you've heard that right. I've dealt with 12 pregnancies in the past year. That's 12 baby showers (ok, only 10...2 left to go to). And yes, I've made it to every single one of them.

    Nobody knows that my DH and I are trying for babies. So I have to keep this seriously straight face and laugh at the "babies are too much work" jokes and "who would ever wish this on themselves" comments.

    I just have to grin and bear it. That's all I can do. I refuse to share my struggle with anyone but my best friend from back home. I hate pity, I absolutely hate it. So to share that we are struggling with TTC and having everyone look at you like "you poor thing" with every passing childbirth or baby shower would just be too much.

    I just come home and sob to DH whenever I need.

    And I pray. Prayer is truly keeping my sanity in tact. It reminds me of the Lord's timing in my own personal life and sometimes (not always unfortunately) it keeps me level. Of course, prayer isn't for everyone so I won't advise it as "the only way" to make it through. But it helps take some of the edge off for me.

    In the end...there's not a whole lot to do.

    I have another question pertaining to this topic: do you share with your friends your IF struggles? Did you tell them from the beginning you were TTC? And how do they react...do you get the pity looks like I fear?

    Kate

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 05:32 PM   #40
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Kate-
    I'm so sorry, I can't imagine 12 baby showers. I have a hard time going to one. You are a strong person. I've made those comments too from time to time about not wanting children. I don't like nosy people always wanting to know if IT has happened yet. I have a few of those, and it's been going on for a few years. They still haven't gotten the hint yet that it may not be appropiate. Well, I wish you luck and i'm sure you will get your chance soon enough.

    Carisa

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 06:10 PM   #41
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Hi everyone,
    Deluca-I don't think are paranoid....I think my mom blabs about our IF to.....She probably tells people standing next to her in line at the grocery store! ha ha But she and my father have been very supportive of me and hubby.
    Marine - In the begining of our IF struggles I did not tell anyone other than my immediate family. But since we are now 8 years into this, I don't mind sharing. I worried about the "pity" look too, but to tell you the truth, I've mostly gotten a lot of support and have found out that some others are also having IF issues. I have one friend who is also going through IF. We've made sort of a "top ten" list of insensitive or totally clueless statements that other people have said to us. I think it makes us feel better. Here are a few:
    "Just settle down and it will happen"
    "I know exactly what you are going through....we've been trying for 3 months!"
    "Just stop thinking about it and you will get pregnant"
    "Do you really want kids?! I'll just give you 2 of mine."

     
    Old 04-11-2007, 11:30 PM   #42
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    I think my favorite so far is "Who would choose the cramps, the swollen ankels, and the nausea daily?!"

    Um...I'd take every moment of it. Give it to me. I'll deal with it...in a heartbeat.

     
    Old 04-12-2007, 05:19 AM   #43
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    I know exactly what you mean, getting your nose rubbed in it everyday!
    However my parents/inlaws/collegues/brother/bro in law/sil/other family
    dont know anything about it only a few friends. So i constantly get :am i ever going to be a grandmother/father? everyone thinks we are too sellfish to have kids its easier than telling people we cant.

     
    Old 04-12-2007, 07:28 AM   #44
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Envy and jealousy are always on my mind and sometimes I hate the person that they have turned me into. Since we started TTC, my three best friends have had a total of 6 pregnancies. When I had my ovary removed last year and was diagnosed with stage four endo, I found out the next week that my OB GYN was 5 months pregnant with #5. To top it all off, I mean really, the crowning jewel, I am a labor and delivery nurse. So, that's what I do with my days, I help pregnant women labor, clean their babies, reassure them that what they are feeling is okay, hold their hands while their dreams come true. All the while, the voice inside whispers, "it's never going to happen for you".
    So, I wish that I had advice for others who feel this way. Each day I hope that the feeling fades, but it hasn't yet. Recently, I took on a new project at work to try to minimize my time working in patient care.

     
    Old 04-12-2007, 07:41 AM   #45
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    Re: Envy/Jealousy......how do you cope?

    Hi Safa wow u truely must be strong doing what u do everyday.I dont know if I could handle it.Well with me its male factor IF and using donor but seem to be having a rough time getting pregnant.So I am starting to hear that voice inside me as well.The one that says I wont have a baby.It is just so hard to go through this and people just dont understand well other then the girls here only we truely understand eachother thats why I am so glad I found these boards and met these women.Good luck and I pray for us all.

    Mapia

     
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