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Ariesladi25 05-11-2007 05:59 PM

Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hello to everyone!:wave:

I am not sure where to begin,but i guess I will try to keep it short and sweet. I am 25 yrs old and have experienced many female issues. First, since i was 17 I have had abnormal periods,some come every other month some every 6 months. I seen an endo dr,when i was 19, he did blood work,ultrasound,and said everything seemed normal,keep in mind at that time, I started to get excess hair on face and no periods.:eek:

well, I have been married a little over 4 yrs now and have not yet concieved. About 2 yrs ago, i lost alot of weight which alone helped me regulate period. due to some personal stress, i gained it all back, it has now been a yr and no period,and still alot of facial hair. I am so embarassed. Well, i made an appointment to see a gyno in a week.

I think i may have polyoscyctic ovarian syndrome. I am so terrified and sick of the thought i may not be able to concieve. about 3 yrs ago I was put on clomid for a month and never ovulated. after that i gave up and thought it may happen naturally. Of course, it never did.

I hope i can shed some light as to whats wrong with me when i go see dr.
I am so depressed and hopeless about the situation and feel as if my dream of having many kids is nothing but that. a dream. With mothers day coming up I want to crawl in a hole and never come out.

Happy Mothers Day to those who have conceived! (sorry that i am being a little negative here, i just am being honest and i hope somebody out there may help)

Please any advice or support would be so appreciated.

marinewife12 05-11-2007 06:29 PM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Welcome sweetie.

I also have PCOS. So I know what you mean about the whole gaining weight thing. Sometimes it's very difficult for those with pcos to lose weight. Trust me, I'm right there. I have a very hard time losing weight, no matter what I do. I used to be a very healthy athletic girl...I'm 5'10" and used to weigh 125lbs in high school thanks to an active life. I'm still active, and I have a healthy diet, but pcos is wrecking my system.

Have you tried any other medications besides Clomid? And is there a reason you only tried it for one month? I've heard some women say that it took 3 months before they ovulated, and that if they had stopped early they would have missed that. Maybe you should try going back on Clomid, but giving it 3 months to work.

I've also heard GREAT things about Metformin. It's what my Dr.'s first line of defense is for pcos. He's seen good results, and a lot of women on the boards have also had luck with it. I've heard everything from it helped them lose weight to they were able to get a bfp with it.

It's great that you lost the weight the first time. That means you know what you need to do for the results again. I would say that you just need to try your hardest to let go of the stress and whatever else is holding you back from dropping the weight. Your body is the most important thing, so if it's not in order, your goal will be harder to achieve.

Most of all, know that you're not alone! Something like 10% of women have pcos. They're getting farther and farther along with treatment and understanding PCOS.

Hope this was helpful!!!


Ariesladi25 05-11-2007 06:53 PM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hello Marinewife12!:wave:

I appreciate you reading and replying back! It really helps me.

Anyhow, i only stayed on clomid for 1 month because, alot was going on we just bought a house at that time, and i gave up and thought maybe it will happen on its own. Also, at that time i just had a biopsy to see if i had cervical cancer,due to the reason i had a abnormal pap that showed hpv and some pre cancer cells. After the biospy, i figured i would lose weight and then we would start trying again. well i lost the weight went from 245 to 117 and was fit and active....some more personal things happen,and slowly i have gained it all back. so on top of that, I now am depressed about me gaining the weight,and i figured it would help if i lost more weight again and while doing so, see a dr this time to see what is wrong with me,so when we are ready to try it wont be so hard.

So here i am experiencing terrible things,like the hair on chin and lip,no period,and acne out of no where. I feel so un woman like. I dont know. Plus, here is mothers day coming up and i feel worse. i am a step mom to a 14 yr old but i never recieve any credit for that. I want my own child. I just dont think it will ever happen.:mad:

sorry to go on and on again,
thank you again,

lovelygal 05-11-2007 08:05 PM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hi Sweetie,
Just wanted to say welcome and take it easy, do not crawl into any hole because you have not concieved. I personally do not see it as mothers day to those that have kids or have concieved, I see it as a day for all women out there with or without issues. So heres wishing you a happy mothers day, you are a woman. For your problem, I think you may want to talk with your Dr. not just focusing on clomid and ovulation because I have a cousin who had problems concieving after she got married because she was producing a lot of androgen(not too sure if thats the name), they said it was a male hormone which made her grow a lot of facial hair(when I say a lot, I mean like a hairy man). After so many tests, she was placed on a drug for almost 8months to supress the hormone before even putting her on ovulation drugs and am happy to say that she is a proud mother of two today.
So to make it short, am not a Dr and I can't diagonise but it does not harm to talk with your Dr and get the right treatment first. Hope my words can help.



Ariesladi25 05-11-2007 08:25 PM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
hey there!

Thanks for the advice! I will certainly make note of that. and thank you for a happy mothers day and same to you! I am a step mom but i have never been acknowledged for all i have done,oh well, she is not my daughter anyhow,i have no reason to complain.

I do want my own child. I want to look at my child and see my husbands eyes or my smile. those are the things in life that are irreplacable.

so thank you for your kind words. i go to dr on may its my first visit and i am scared and worried i will be told you are not gonna concieve ever!

again thank you

Black Kat 05-11-2007 09:46 PM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hi! :wave: I honestly don't know much about PCOS, but I do know 2 women who have it, and both of them have children. I thought you might find that encouraging! :) So don't give up~ one day you too will have little ones of your own!


Ariesladi25 05-12-2007 05:40 AM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hey there everyone!

Thank you for your support and kind words. Its hard to cope and i know all of you have felt,or feel that same way. Its hard finding people to relate to ,when they all have kids. What has been bothering me alot lately, is how you hear on the news what people do to their kids. I heard a story on the news a couple days ago,where a lady had birth and threw her baby away in a dumpster. It doesnt make sense why people like that have baby after baby and then do something like that,and then there are women who would give a leg to have a baby,like myself. It saddens me to see how some are.

Sorry, i had to vent on that subject. I dont wanna go to any gatherings tomorrow because it make me more depressed. I hate watching the other women in family recieve a gift and be told happy mothers day and then here i am childless and i feel like a failure to my husband.

Also, to let you guys know, i have gone on the pcos board, and no one seems to reply to i tried this board,since it does deal with my main issure ,infertility.

I am not feeling sorry for my self at all, i am just worn out and hopless....

again, sorry i am being depressing here.
Happy mothers day to all you moms and mommies to be!

Amy 333 05-12-2007 05:50 AM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hi Amc

Welcome to the boards i am sure you llfind all the support you need here.
I am sorry that you are going through all this i know it s not easy.
I understand what you mean about Mothers Day angel baby would have been 1 month old this weekend. Instead i ll be meeting up family and will probably be teased all day as the only one who s not a mum yet. However i do my best to think positive ..... we ll be celebrating too hopefully sooner rather than later.
On a more positive note....2 co workers of mine both with severe pcos had children . one conceived after 3 months without any meds at all . the other after 6 months with the assistance of medication.

Hold on and good luck for your appt.


Viktorria 05-12-2007 07:17 AM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hi AMC, You found the right board. Everyone here is very supportive. I have a friend with PCOS and she has 3 children, so it can happen for you. Hers were all conceived naturally (although none of them were planned, just happened to be her little miracles and she's thrilled).

You mentioned a Dr. appt on the 23rd - is that with an RE or an OB? I also had your fears that they would tell me there was no chance of me conceiving, but my RE said that they VERY rarely say that to people, unless there is an extreme age issue, which is not the case with you. Good luck with your appointment and let us know what the dr says!

Ariesladi25 05-12-2007 07:35 AM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hello everyone,

Thank you all again for taking time to read my story and to respond. It is very appreciated! Well, i didnt know where to start to i called my regualr dr and asked if i should see an endo or gyno...she said to start with gyno and she gave me a referal.... I am just sick today over everything..... i feel so unfeminine,with all the pcos symptoms,i feel like a freak.... i mean no offense,because i know other women suffer the same and i am not calling them that,it just how i feel about myself.. i am sick to my stomach today...

I am depressed that i have to go shopping for an outfit for tomorrow. It is hard to find clothes now,since i gained so much weight back that i lost...

i dunno what to do or feel anymore...:(

Ariesladi25 05-12-2007 08:57 PM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hello all!

[B]Just a quick note..i changed my username to ariesladi25,it was amc23...[/B] Well, today it seemed like everywhere i went there was someone pregnant...I am happy for them,but it still hurts...and then today i was shopping for clothes and i was talking to the sales lady who was very nice, and i jokingly said i cant afford the bras she was showing me and i said im poor,which was a joke,and she said you must have kids because of the joke i made and then i said no,i have a step daughter but none of my own and she thought i was gonna cry from my facial exopression i guess i had. I dunno,tomorrow is always a reminder of what i dont have,being mothers day and all. well,at least i got 2 pairs of jeans and some shirts..oh and my favorite perfume- happy by clinique....anyhow,Happy mothers day to all! Tomorrow will be a sad day none the less,but my husband and i are going out to brunch with my parents and then by his mom for a little bit so i will post tomorrow nite,if you guys dont mind!;)

Ariesladi25 05-24-2007 08:26 PM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post! Update!
Hey to everyone!

Well, I had my gyno appointment this wed. All in all, i think it went okay. She seemed to be a nice dr and understanding. only thing i found out , is that she does not treat infertility,but she would recommend someone at a later time.

Anyhow, she repeated the pap to see about the cancer cells that were shown a few years back. and she did a exam. she said from what she could see from the exam,everything feels like it should,but of course that doesnt mean something isint wrong.

I explained to her all my symptoms and she suggested to go for bloodwork,I guess to screen for pcos. She also said that she suggests losing weight and I told her about my anxiety/depression i have had for about 7 yrs and she also said that i should see a therapistr before trying to get pregnant. something about , how i want to be ready physicaly and mentally becuase having a baby and trying to conceive,can be very emotional as it is and having depression prior could make it get worse. She gave me provera to take for 10 days. I am going saturday for the blood work and then i see her in three weeks to discuss results. So scared. I have been self diagnosing myself through the internet. Some of the disease out there match my symptoms and its scaring me big time!

I guess basically the plan is to lose weight and deal with my depression in the meantime,before ttc. and of course find out what is medically wrong with me.

just thought i would share... I feel alone and like I am not normal. In my eyes, i think " Im 25 with facial hair and no period and cant get pregnant, whats wrong with me"... and i know that i am not the only one like that,but when you are experiencing all those things you feel like you are the only one at the time.


Best wishes to all

TryN2BMommy 05-25-2007 06:12 AM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hi Aries,
I'm glad to hear you have a plan of action. I agree that it is important to deal with any depression or anxiety that you are feeling before ttc. Especially if you think there will be issues making getting pg hard, ttc can be extremely stressful. I wish you all the best. :)

And remember, you definitely are not alone.


Ariesladi25 05-25-2007 07:00 AM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hey hollyncurren,:wave:
Thanks for the words of support! I do have to say i feel alone,except for this board. I mean my husband,of course,is there for me,but sometimes you need a females point of view in this case. My mother just keeps telling me,that if i would of went to gyno when i was 16 and had these problems,that i would of been ok and already pregnant. She keeps bringing up the past and i tell her it does not help me in the present to say things like that. Even my gyno aggred that she is negative support for me,if she continues to say those things....

I am not going to blame myself. I am trying to make small steps now. I just hope i dont get frustrated with all the tests and back out like i did a few yrs ago.... I guess i cant eat anything after 6 pm tonite,and then i am going for the test tomrrow morning. They said no water either.:mad:

Thanks again for taking time to read and post back,
take care,

Kari15 05-25-2007 09:05 AM

Re: Very upset and hopeless-long post!
Hi Aries, I just want you to know that I am sorry that you are going through all this and feeling the way you do. I think it's great that you are taking action and trying to get thing emotionally and physically under control so that you can pursue your dream of having a child. IF is a very challenging and difficult thing to go through... sounds like you have a good DH who will be supportive through it all. Well I wish you luck and hope that all your hard work will soon pay off!

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