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Amy 333 06-21-2007 02:07 AM

Having a bad day
 
Hi

This am was surfing the net and found a site with people who have my same blood condition .....i do as much research as possible because since i live on a small island i am the only one with this condition at such a young age so info is limited here.
Well i came across the pregnancy stories and most were so negative . Nearly all had premature babies since this condition makes you more prone to infarcts in the placenta.Some were advised not to get pregnant others had repeated m/cs. I knew i had greater risk of m/c and i ve been through one myself already but literature actually said its a 50 /50 thing. there are also complications which may put my life and the baby s at risk.
I know it wasn t going to be easy but sometimes it s difficult to breath.
On the other hand i know of quite a few success stories and i try to hang on to those but somedays its not easy especially as its proving to be so hard for me to actually get pregnant.

To make things worse tomorrow i have an important exam and can t sem to concentrate at all.

Amy

eurokelly 06-21-2007 02:39 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Oh Amy, I am so sorry you are having a rough day. Let me tell you though, whilst research is good initially, just keeping looking at this stuff is not a good idea for your sanity. I promise you, the internet has so much information you could find a site to argue black is white. Look at the problems we all have ascertaining which progesterone number is good - so much conflicting information is out there!

I am sure that with your blood condition it is possible that you will have a tough time ahead fulfilling your dream - but it is also possible that you will be the success story very soon no? This IF stuff is hard, I know that, and on days like today you need your friends being positive for you, so thats what we'll do!

You deserve to be a wonderful mummy and IT IS going to happen for you. You must try, for one day, to put all of these negative thoughts out of your head, take the pressure off yourself and focus - this exam is important :)

You have to relax honey - maybe start by putting the books down for 1/2 hour, go for a walk, have a quiet think, and then come back and put the baby stuff away in your mind just for a few hours.

Wish I could help you more, just know that you will get your baby xx

Kelx

ASPROUSEY05 06-21-2007 04:46 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
hey amy, i just wanted to tell you i am soooo soooo sorry you were having a bad day yesterday. to read those stories must have been really tough, but try and hold on to the positive ones!! and i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!! :angel: <3 aimee s

magster04 06-21-2007 06:20 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Amy, :wave: :wave: Sorry to hear you're having a rough time right now. As encouraging as you are to all of us! I agree with Euro, there's just as much of a possibility you'll have your baby as not. Focus on the positive and trust one day you'll have your little bundle of joy to hold. :) :) Just want you to know we're thinking of you and we're here for you


Vi

CBB 06-21-2007 06:23 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Hi Amy.

i am sorry you were having a bad day. I do lots of reading too and it can be very discouraging sometimes. I guess the best thing in this situation is to remain positive. First tackle getting pg. then we'll handle a preemie if it comes. now check this out...my RE has about a 50% success rate with IVF. so before i did my first i thought, how can i not get pg with a 50% chance? well it didn't work. so now i tell myself the first time i was in the 50% not to get pg group so for my second time i will have to be in the 50% to get pg group. that's 50/50 to me. so maybe you were in the 50% to m/c group before and your next time you'll be in the 50% not to m/c group? i know that is flawed logic but it could actually work.:) i really hope your doc can help you achieve a pg really soon. Keep thinking of the good stories when you get down. we'll be here to cheer you up.

TryN2BMommy 06-21-2007 06:25 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Amy, I don't like seeing you down girl. I'm so sorry to hear you were disheartened by all those stories on the internet. Like Kelly said, there is so much conflicting information out there, sometimes it can do more harm than good. I know it is important to be your own advocate when dealing with serious health issues, and I commend you for being so proactive in searching for knowledge about yours. It is important to know what may be in store for you. But it is also important to keep the faith and stay positive. You just may be the next success story. :)

I will be thinking of you and hoping you have a better day ahead of you. Good luck with your exam.

Holly

twinkiezinger 06-21-2007 08:26 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Hi Amy

I'm so sorry you've been down. My friend's sister went through IVF and put something into perspective for me since I've been feeling down also. I think it will apply to your blood condition. Most of the people's stories we read, or even communicate with on these boards, are those who are going through difficult times. Those who are achieving pregnancy, or fighting other conditions, don't post their "good" stories nearly as much as those who are struggling. So of course the research you are doing is turning up stories of those who are struggling...and looking for support and help. Those who aren't struggling don't "need" to post looking for as much support because they aren't having a difficult time. I sure hope that all makes sense.

I'm sure by the time you see this you will have already taken your exam, so I hope everything went well:jester:

Good Luck on everything in your future, you are such a caring and supportive person. I always find your advice to everyone so sensible and honest.

Christin

Mapia74 06-21-2007 09:11 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Hi Amy I am so sorry u are feeling down.I cant imagine how hard this must be on u.IF alone is so hard and then having these health issues as well can just be so hard on someone.But u must stay positive and believe in god he will do right by u.I keep u in my prayers everyday sweetie and I know one day u will be a wonderful mother.Take care.

Good luck on ur exam.

Mapia

PrincessSweetNS 06-21-2007 09:28 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
:( Oh Amy, I'm s sorry to hear you're having a hard time. We all have hard days, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier... but just stay positive. :) Euro is definitely right, sometimes Internet research does more harm than good. There is so much conflicting information out there, and sometimes, more often than not, sites seem to focus on the negative. But for now, hun, let's focus on getting you pregnant, and then we'll worry about other things. And you WILL get pregnant. Just have stay positive....and I know it's easier said thn done.... but it goes a long way. We're praying for you and I know one day you'll have your arms full with a bundle of joy! :angel:

deluka96 06-21-2007 09:44 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Hi Amy,

I havn't been on but just came on today to see how things are going for you all. I am so very sorry that you had a bad day. Sometimes that internet information and hearing all those sad stories can really get us down. I can see that living on a small island can make you even more tempted to read their stories but just remember this....it is their story not yours...your story is still in the writing so all those things bad things that happened to others may not happen to you. I feel for all they have went through and I hope to god that will not happen to you. I am sure it was so scary and overwhelming to read all of that. That is why personally I am trying to detach myself from all of this a bit as it can be all so consuming and worrisome when things cont. don't work for us. If you can try to keep busy with other things a bit to see if that will help...I know it's hard believe me but if you can try it may help a little. Hang in there sweetie you haev always been so kind and caring to me and I wish there was more I can do to make you feel better. Good luck on your test....I am sure you will do just fine ok!!

((((Hugs)))

kathy

darkwater 06-21-2007 11:19 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Amy, I feel for you. I know you must feel so overwhelmed by this problem. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think this disorder that causes women to have multiple miscarriages is called antiphospholipid syndrome (APS), which causes you to have a tendency to form more blood clots of all kinds, but for pregnant women it interferes with the blood supply in the placenta which then makes one miscarry. Is this what you have?

I can only imagine how heartbreaking it must be to actually get pregnant and then loose the child. And yes, knowing and reading about all the potential problems can be so discouraging. It does feel like you actually cannot breathe some days, like there is no oxygen anywhere and you are smothering under the weight of this stuff. I have lupus, and one of the main problems women with lupus have when they are pregnant is APS. To know one has problems not only getting pregnant, but may likely have problems staying pregnant just feels so unfair. Just to know that there are some people who understand sometimes gives one a little air to breathe.

But while you were reading all the negative stuff, I hope you also read that knowing you have this disorder ahead of time is half the battle. Most women only find out they have it after they have miscarried and lost a precious child. If you know you have it ahead of time, then they will give you anticoagulants to try to assure that you won't miscarry, but nothing is %100. Even then, you may still have to have a c-section to take the child early.

Bless you and be encouraged that you can get through this. I don't think there is nothing more worthy of all the heartache we go through than bringing a child into the world. I hope in the end, you are rewarded.

Kari15 06-21-2007 12:28 PM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Oh Amy, hun, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling down. I agree with many of the others that sometimes the internet does more harm than it does good. And it always seems like the sad stories surface more often than the good ones, which is unfortunate. I know that it must be scary with your condition when you stop and think about some of the negative "what ifs". But there are good stories and some positive "what ifs" and I hope we can help you focus on the good stuff. You will be a great mom one day, and I am so excited for the lucky little baby that will one day call you mommy. I've got you in my prayers and wish you nothing but the best cause sweetie you deserve it! :angel: (((hugs))) to you!!!

Kari

rubynz 06-21-2007 05:10 PM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Hi Amy

I hate to think you are feeling so upset. You are the most wonderful, supportive person and I really do consider you to be a dear friend who has helped me through some tough times. I totally echo what the other ladies have said and hope that your story has a happy ending. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you dealing with IF on top of your thyroid problem and I really do pray that you have a healthy pregnancy and baby one day soon.

I hope your exam went well and that you are now at home relaxing.

Love Ruby

dawn4323 06-21-2007 07:17 PM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Amy,
Sorry to hear you are feeling down. I come on this site every so often and rarely post anything. Sometimes its comforting to know that others are going through what you are going through, and you don't feel so crazy!!
What type of bleeding condition do you have? Just curious, because I have a rare blood disorder as well and have read some discouraging things on line.
Hope you are feeling better.
Dawn

Mapia74 06-21-2007 10:44 PM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Hi Amy sweetie just thinking about u and wanted to drop u a note and see how u were feeling.I really hope u are feeling a little better.Know u are always in my thoughts and prayers sweetie.


(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Amy 333 06-22-2007 01:47 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Thank you all for your kind words.
Well ended up calling DH and he left work to stay with me and that helped.

I do not browse much because as you all said it doesn’t really get you anywhere The stuff I read I actually knew however seeing that these things happen and having people actually write these things scared me.
This site is a similar health forum to this however it deals solely with my condition. It was actually suggested to me by my heamo. Every time I ask him questions he tells me to go to this forum and look it up. Great support isn t he!

Acquanegra to answer your question it is not APS that I have but Essential Thrombocytosis. My bone marrow produces excessive amount of platelets thus increasing the chance of cloths. A normal platelet count would be up to 400,000. Mine went up to more than 1 000 000. Any meds taken to control this condition are not safe whilst TTC.I am sorry that you have lupus and you re dealing with APS. Do you have children or are you TTC? Wishing you all the best and thanks once again for your kind and supportive words.

Euro Kelly thank you so much for your support. Your words meant much to me. I am sure you ll be a mommy too. Did af show up yet?

Aimiee thank you for your post I am sure that your courage will pay off this summer. You must be a very strong woman.

Vi….thanks for your support. Remember to forget that 1%. Hope you find some solutions re your ovulation issues.

CBB I like your way of reasoning the 50/50 thing……..i do my best to stay positive but then I get a few days here and there where I ll be so negative. Though I know its just a phase and I won t give up. Wishing you all the best for your new cycle. Praying that you ll be on the other side of the 50% too.

Holly I know you e going through such a tough time yourself so thanks for your input. Really hoping that you ll get good news from the recipient couple.

Christine ….how are you? Haven t heard from you for some time? Well I suppose your reasoning is correct I ll try to keep it into mind too.

Mapia….you constant support to all of us is amazing. Thank you for always trying to make everybody feel better. Time is passing by and soon it will be you who will be fulfilling your dream.

Princess that s a good point I have to get pregnant first…..kind of crossing the bridge before I get to it am I !

Deluka I know that you are going through a tough time yourself so thanks for your post. You are correct it is there story. Something which I noted was that most of the ladies with problems did not know about their condition so were not closely monitored. They were diagnosed only after the problems arose. So that s an advantage for me.
I am so sorry about your BFN……I honestly had tears in my eyes when MApia posted on the IVF thread. You ve been through so much and have always been so supportive. I wish you all the best in whatever decisions you and DH decide to take……though I am sure that somehow or another we will both get there.

Kari thank you for your prayers…….you are in mine too. Can t wait to here some good news from you this Summer. Thank you for your kind and caring words.

Ruby that was so sweet of you. I too consider you to be a friend. Thank you for your constant support. I am sure that your bfp is just around the corner.

Dawn I think I already answered your questions. What type of blood condition do you have? Are you TTC too? Would love to have you around……I am also a regular poster on the blood disorders board.

The silver lining in all this is that after heartache all the ladies in the forum had healthy babies and all the premature babies when on to grow up as healthy kids.

Ok this is a really long post so if you made it up to here thanks once again.
Seems like we re all confused with time zones my exam is today in 4 hrs time so i ve got to catch up.

Amy

Nicky2112 06-22-2007 03:49 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Amy, girl! I hadn't seen this thread until now. I hope you're feeling better today. Don't even trust the Internet on most issues. It's such a downer!! (And it is all a jumble of misinformation anyway)

I know some days are tougher than others, and this TTC/IF thing really sucks. But, as Sigmund Freud said: "I am fortunate, for nothing in life came easy to me."

Your little baby is going to be so lucky the day it arrives. Much more so than all the "oops!" out there. Don't give up hope. You're still really young. Remember, the mind controls every single cell in our body. Positive attitude during trying times is a must! :)

A big hug to you!

ETA: How did your test go?

PrincessSweetNS 06-22-2007 09:22 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Hey Amy sweetie, just checking in to see how you're feeling. I hope you're feeling better :) How did your exam go? ***BABY DUST***

TryN2BMommy 06-22-2007 09:46 AM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Amy, I'm glad to hear DH was able to get off work and spend some time w/ you when you were feeling so down. Sometimes the only thing that can comfort is knowing you have that kind of support from the one you love. It sounds like he loves you an awful lot. :D

Well, I just wanted to check in w/ you and see if you were feeling any better. That test ought to be over by now, and hopefully you will be feeling a little relief w/ that behind you.

Hope to hear from ya soon....

Holly

pauline23 06-22-2007 10:18 PM

Re: Having a bad day
 
Hi Amy

As someone who is studying: only read peer review articles and don't read individual stories. Often the only people that tell their story are the ones that didn't and the ones that did don't. So the negative tends to outweigh the postive. What are you study?? I am studying too. I am studying Podiatry. I gave up my career to go on IVF as I was finding it too hard to do both.

Well, hope your exam went well. I am in exams too but alas find doing this more fun than studying functional anatomy!!!

Keep smiling

Pauline


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