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Asked to adopt a baby. What do you think about this?

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Old 02-08-2008, 10:49 PM   #1
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Question Asked to adopt a baby. What do you think about this?

Well, I was just so torn in my thoughts on this so, I thought I would see how you ladies felt about this.

DH and I bowl every Friday on a league. A couple on another team who recently had a baby girl after a tube reversal......if that's what it's called. She and I found out we were pregnant on the same day about 2 years ago. Since, I have been pregnant many times and still no baby.... and like I said, she has a perfect little girl. They have been around to see my struggle and seem to almost feel guilty for how event free things seem for them..... she is in her early 40's and conceived the first month after her reversal.

They just found out that her daughter, from a previous marriage, is pregnant. She is 18 and the dad is 16. The dad already said he doesn't want anything to do with this or any child and wants her to abort. The couple..... the parents of this young lady, took my husband aside tonight and said that they are talking to her about adoption and has already mentioned us, to her. After thinking about it, she asked them to talk to us and plan a day to all sit down to discuss this. They wanted to talk to him about it so he could use the necessary caution when mentioning it to me, if it was even something we would consider. He said they want to talk to me about it but, wanted to respect the emotional side of all of this and let me have time to think and kinda be ready for the talk rather than just hitting me with it. They are always thinking ahead when it comes to this and I appreciate it as I am often emotional even when I try not to be. They stressed to DH that they feel everything happens for a reason and they want us to adopt the baby. The mother had plans for college and is not happy about this pregnancy. She keeps saying she would mess up her life, the dads life and the baby's life if she keeps it.
While we were eating dinner after bowling was done, DH mentioned all of this to me. So here I am hours later..... I cant even sleep. It is so early in her pregnancy but, I cant help but get excited. I feel if she decides this is what is best for her and he little one..... I feel it will be a unique situation...... I see so many positives and I am trying to think of why we would and wouldn't do this. No matter what happens it touched my heart knowing that they thought of us in this situation.

I have thought about being involved in the pregnancy, not getting to attached, how to handle the relationship with the biological family if we adopted this baby.......I feel like I have thought of so much already. I am so amazed that my DH is even on the same page as I am and even though we know it may not even happen, we want it to happen.

So, I thought I would see if anyone has heard of any adoption like this might be. Or how any of you might feel if presented with this.

I know it is really an odd post! I thought of all people I would mention this to..... all of you here would understand the crazy feelings I have just thinking about this. Thanks for reading this...... hugs to all of you
My thoughts & prayers are with you all!


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Old 02-09-2008, 06:26 AM   #2
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Re: Asked to adopt a baby. What do you think about this?

Hi Mrs. -

What a unique situation! I can feel your excitement, and I think I would probably feel the same way. I haven't heard of anyone in a situation like this, but I wonder if anyone that has adopted a child before would have any valid input on this situation: experiences with adoptions "close to home" vs. "anonymus" (sp?) adoptions vs. out of country adoptions. I could see pros and cons to both sides of each individual situation.

My inexperienced suggestion would be if you are able to adopt this baby, you will definitely want to get legal counsel involved to protect your family in the future. I don't want to scare you, but you never know the parents of the baby may change their mind in the future, or take you to court for who-knows-what.

I wish you the best of luck in ttc, and possibility of this new addition to your life in the form of adoption!


Old 02-09-2008, 07:00 AM   #3
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Re: Asked to adopt a baby. What do you think about this?

hi mrs.!!! i just wanted to share our adoption story with you... me and dh have been married for 5 years and have been ttc the whole 5 years. On mother's day 2005 i called my mother to wish her a happy mother's even though inside i was hurting for the child i was not being able to concieve
well she informed me that one of my cousins was preg. ( she is related by marraige not by blood) now she had left her husband and her two children to run away with her husbands brother!!! and no one had heard from her in almost 4 years. well she had ended up in jail and 8 months preg.!!! she had no prenatal care at all and had used drugs in the past, but she swore to God and to all of us that she hadn't used since the day she found out she was preg. well my aunt who is her step-mother thought she should take the baby so she wouldn't end up in foster care, but something was tugging at my heart and was telling me that this baby was meant to be here for a reason.
well i'll be honest i just felt like i was meant to help this baby. so i told my aunt that if that baby ever needed a home my doors would always be open any time of day. well to try to shorten this up a little less than a month after that i was bringing home my little girl!!! now my advice to you is the same as silver you need to get all the legal stuff done right away!!! we did not in out situation, because we thought o were family and she wouln't change her mind...well the fact is is she almost got out early when amber was only 4 months old and she told my aunt that if she would have got out she wanted her back!!! well that never did happen she is still in prison and i have a happy and very HEALTHY!!!! 2 1/2 year old...i wish u the best of luck adoption is a wonderfull thing and i would do it again in a heart beat. remember there is a baby out there for all of us sometimes we just have to open our eyes a little bit more to find them!!! dawn

Old 02-09-2008, 07:26 AM   #4
Suzi Q
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Re: Asked to adopt a baby. What do you think about this?

My husband and I are currently going through the adoption process. I also agree with getting some kindo flegal consult. But you need to make sure what your state laws are on the birth fathers rights. In some states he has to sign his parental rights over and in some states his rights are terminated when the birthmother signs her rights away. I say this because this is often where the problem is. Especially with the boy being so young. It isn't unheard of for the mother of this 16 year old boy to want to keep the baby herself, especially right after the baby is born.

Good luck!
Suzi Q

Last edited by Suzi Q; 02-09-2008 at 07:28 AM.

Old 02-09-2008, 10:05 AM   #5
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Re: Asked to adopt a baby. What do you think about this?

My friends did a similar thing 11 years ago. It's all worked out fine, with a gradual withdrawal from the birth family as the initial drama of the preg/birth and infancy faded into the day to day of childhood and school. I feel like your main issue would be dealing with the "birth grandparents" as you would have to decide on how much contact you'd want them to have in YOUR baby's life. Personally, I wouldn't want much, but everyone is different and you'll need to have things clearly stated from the first, and leave it up to THEM to decide if that is something with which they will comply. I'd say you hold all the cards at this point, so don't let your desire for a baby cloud what is important to you.

Old 02-09-2008, 10:42 AM   #6
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Re: Asked to adopt a baby. What do you think about this?

Hi Mrs. Wow, what an exciting proposition. To be honest, I have been dreaming of such an offer falling into my lap... I'm afraid that's the only way my DH would consider adoption.

The wife of my DH's BF (who has become one of my closest friends), went thru something similar except she was on the other end. When she was in HS & 17, she got pregnant. The baby's father who also was 17 was a bit of a mess (he subsequently got another girl pregnant and later committed suicide), and since they were so young a decision was made to give the child up. My friend's father approached someone he knew from work who had been TTC for a while. I don't know how they worked it out legally... The adopting family lived in another state so I'm sure that affected things. But after the adoption my friend never got to know her son, but the baby's grandparents who helped arrange the adoption (much like your friends from the bowling league), made yearly visits to the child posing as "family friends". When the child was 17 and a Sr in HS, he was told the truth about these family friends and actually made a visit last year to meet my friend, his birth mother. It went fine, but so far it appears he has chosen to not stay in touch with my friend, but I think he understands the reason she gave him up and knows she would be open to a friendship with him if he ever wanted. More importantly, I think he knows how much his adopted family loves him and I don't think he thinks of his family any differently.

Well Mrs I wish you the best and look forward to hearing of your decision. Good luck sweetie!

Old 02-09-2008, 01:15 PM   #7
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Re: Asked to adopt a baby. What do you think about this?

Adoption posts are an issue for a different website.

Thank you.

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