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    Old 06-22-2005, 05:21 AM   #1
    studyin
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    Feeling very bad again

    Hi Guys,

    I don't know what's going on but I'm just getting worse and worse symptoms. It's all been downhill now for 10 days. Tonight the tightness and buzzing in my chest is not unlike the way it was when I first got hit 22 months ago. I feel totally zoned out and just feel like staring at a wall. My head is swimming and I'm unsteady on my feet again. I burst into tears earlier over this - I simply couldn't handle another round of this hell. Like you hbep I'm pretty scared that this is not a blip or something relatively easy but another round of the real thing. My appetite is gone too. I don't know what on earth I'll do with all of the thesis writing I still have to do. I cannot tolerate *any* screen now for longer than a few minutes.

    Please God this isn't anything nasty again.

    Scott

     
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    Old 06-22-2005, 05:42 AM   #2
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Hi Scott
    Sorry to hear you are feeling bad.
    THe important thing is that you don't talk yourself into getting sick...easy for me to say I know. When I have those bad blips I go into panic mode and think "Oh no, here we go again", but somehow it always manages to go away. Keep a flow of positive self talk going, say it outloud if you have to, with feeling. You need to get your mind working for your body, not against it.
    Meanwhile, take it easy, keep drinking lots of water, good nutrition, and go for a walk, keep the blood flowing.
    This too shall pass!

     
    Old 06-22-2005, 07:33 AM   #3
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Hi there Scotsman,

    I feel for you as I know only too well where you're coming from on the panic front. Hang in there. You saw a post from me only recently saying it was all going wrong - I'm back to my baseline level now, no longer in a dreadful blip. I am sure it's not the last of the horrible set backs for me - but it does prove they come and go. I know Ruth gets truly awful symptoms when she has a set back, but gets back to her compensated self each time fairly fast.
    You may well have picked up some minor virus which you don't even realise you have and it's playing havoc with your symptoms. I once heard someone say that we get viruses all the time and don't even know it, just feel a bit tired for a few days etc and wonder why. Of course if you have a vestibular injury - it's a different story. Alternatively, for some reason you've just decompensated for a bit - who the hell knows why it happens, but it does. It could even be a delayed response to your new computer screen. For me, symptoms often come on some time after a challenging event. I think the brain works very hard to compensate but then possibly gets tired and messes up for a bit.

    Really, I do know what you're thinking - but it hasn't been this bad in ages, this is what it was like when I was first ill. This must bode badly - it can't be a blip - how will I work etc.. Been there, done that, and, as I said, come out the other side again. (I'm sure I'll say all the same things again next time. I'm only capable of being calm when I feel ok, lol) When it really takes a hold of your head again it's hard to grasp you were ever recovered, but you have been, and statistically everything says that once recovered you bounce back much more quickly. Maybe a healthy way to look at it is that considering how ill you were, it's surprising you haven't had a great big blip recently. Most people tend to get the odd huge bump in the road on the way out of this hell. I'm sure this is just par for the course and you'll bounce back in no time. I've gone a good two weeks or more of being back in hell, but it passes, each time I am, of course, convinced it wont'.

    Just keep doing all the things you've done so far. Keep moving, got for a walk, get enough rest and sleep. During my last blip I forced myself (within reason) to keep going and it did help.

    ps - Just saw Subs excellent post - forgot about the SSRI reduction - that could well be the trigger.

    best,
    __________________
    hbep

    Last edited by hbep; 06-22-2005 at 07:44 AM.

     
    Old 06-22-2005, 10:08 AM   #4
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Thinking of you scott. Cant help but think the LCD has set it off but its worsened by the extreme anxiety you are having. I hope things settle soon.

    xxxx

     
    Old 06-22-2005, 04:17 PM   #5
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Thankyou so much for the posts guys. I don't know what I would do without you all. It has given me a more posiitve take on it all.

    Subs - I'm doing exactly as you said and "freezing" everything although I've upped the SSRI to half again (two days ago) and am going to limit my time at any computer screen for a week and hopefully all will hit baseline again. I'm cutting the daily run out too and keeping it to a walk. Thanks for the input - really appreciate it. I'll try a MEP move today and see if I spin but I'm not aware of any positional vertigo.

    hbep - you are sooo right about how you cannot imagine the good days when this is all "on" again. All kinds of horror has flooded my mind again like what if it's all happening again? I guess I haven't realised that a blip can be this bad. Your message has helped me a lot.

    Firechick - yes...it's important to keep things into perspective and not think the worst...so hard though when you're in the throw of it all.

    CL - thanks for the thoughts. I hope you are feeling better. I know you weren't so great a week back either.

    Scott

    Last edited by studyin; 06-22-2005 at 04:19 PM.

     
    Old 06-22-2005, 07:04 PM   #6
    jbbrocky
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    subs- where do you get this information on ssri's and promoting neural growth? would be great if this is factual

    thx

     
    Old 06-22-2005, 11:09 PM   #7
    studyin
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Subs - thanks for the info. I actually went and saw my doctor today for the first time in about 9 months, not so much to ask waht the h*ll is going on, but to document this thing in case I lose a month of time needed for the thesis.

    My doc surprised me actually. She's very good and really on the ball for someone who really only does general stuff. She has a scientific mind and looks at the facts objectively - even admitting when it's all beyond her own depth. At any rate it was good to go over the whole drama with her. I told her the whole story and she thought (and I agree) that I was probably walking on thin ice with the SSRI being low. The LCD plus virus likely pulled the rug bigtime. She even grasped the anxiety aspect. Unlike most docs I hear about on this forum, she has never written me off as some anxiety freakster, but really "gets" that the inner ear can set off an autonomic reponse causing extreme anxiety and the shakes etc - even acute and short-lived depression. This reponse bypasses any logical thinking in the frontal brain. In fact, we may not even be aware of what's going down until all the alarm bells go off. In other words, it's not because we are thinking something negative to cause the anxiety. Nothing new there but I like to repeat this because so many medical types don't get that.

    So at the end of it all she said we could go on and on about what caused the blip, and even said I was an unusual case compared to other patients she has seen that tend to get over the initial hit relatively fast (didn't like that part) and never see it again. So the bottom line is "return to base" and to do that fast, and given my situation (ie thesis due), is to crank up the SSRI for 4 weeks. Once stabilised, come back down again and don't rock the boat. Not sure how I will tackle the SSRI now to be honest. I'll wait and see. Just a drag, that after 5 months of gradually reducing I now have to go right back to where I started. What a piece of work this is...

    She also wrote me out a referral to Prof Halmagyi (the guru I saw at the seminar in February). Don't really see the point but on the other hand he may have some new management ideas beyond SSRI treatment.

    Scott

    edit: (3 hours later) I think I've made a breakthrough. I've been using only my little Mac powerbook today and things *seem* to be normalising. It looks like the bigger LCD that is normally OK for me was keeping the misery going. Hope I'm not going to eat these words.

    Last edited by studyin; 06-23-2005 at 12:14 AM.

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 12:36 AM   #8
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Hey Scott,
    Just wanted to say that Im sorry you are going through such a bad time, and I hope that things stabilise very soon. It sounds like youve had a good discussion with your doctor which I think really helps to know that you have them on your side and they are not going to automatically assume its anxiety. I can't really offer any advice, I know how fed up this thing makes me when Ive had setbacks and Ive only had it for 8 months, I can't really imagine how fed up it will make you. Just remember that you are taking all the right steps to get over this and you will get over this and get back on track.
    Take care and all best wishes
    Tesss

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 05:32 AM   #9
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    Cool Re: Feeling very bad again

    Scott

    Your on the right "Glide Path"---sounds like she has it together---as for the Prof.---see that as excellent

    ---nothing wrong---with having another set of "eyes & ears" on the ground watching your back---as you fight your way back---especially---well trained one's.

    I don't know---nor have I heard of anybody---who has had a linear trajectory out--of this---suppose they exist---but---would guess---it is rare---I certainly was not one of them---don't have to guess on that one.

    ....."get over the initial hit relatively fast"........

    She talking about the SSRI's or the Vestibular injury??

    ...."Just a drag, that after 5 months of gradually reducing I now have to go right back to where I started.".....

    Know a lot of "pilots" that wished they had taken the "wave-off" to "go around"

    ---given another chance---would take it in "a heartbeat"---their passengers should would

    ----the idea is to "land" not "eject"---without crashing

    ---slow it down---watch/believe your instruments---maintain a "healthy skepticism"---and adjust as necessary---you'll get it on the ground---in plenty of time

    ---you got all the right stuff---just use it!!!!




     
    Old 06-23-2005, 05:45 AM   #10
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    Cool Re: Feeling very bad again

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jbbrocky
    subs- where do you get this information on ssri's and promoting neural growth? would be great if this is factual

    thx
    Do a search on "Decade of the Brain"

    Every decade an area is targeted/funded---90 to 01 was the Brain---takes a little while for the research results to surface/publish---fascinating!!


     
    Old 06-23-2005, 07:09 AM   #11
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Scott:

    Hang in their. I am sorry you are going through this again. You will be better soon. You seem to always have a plan for your next step which is a great trait for understanding your condition. Hopefully I can learn from that.

    Feel Better,

    Howie

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 11:12 AM   #12
    scant5
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Scott:
    So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I know I would feel exactly like you if I had a severe set back. I sometimes think how I would ever cope.
    Your Dr. sounds fantastic. Dont let it bother you by her saying that she has not seen anyone deal with this so long...that usually it disappears and never comes back. Take a look at all of us! We are the ones who can definitely say, this can take a long, long, time. Lets hope that by us having this for an incredibly long time, that it will definitely never come back!
    I do feel that after reaching a point to where you are, for the most part, comfortable with your balance, and then have a wild blip thrown at you, that there is a reason for this. SSRI, large change, etc...This will definitely rock the boat. Last week, we had really high humidity with very hot weather and I felt really thrown off. I think Hbep has had two bouts of dreadful setbacks, but pulls out of them. It already sounded by your last post that you were stabilizing. You'll pull out of this.

    all the best,
    Kathy

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 11:50 AM   #13
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Hi Scott:
    Sorry you are feeling bad and hope it is short-lived. Just wanted to wish you well and hope you get to feeling better very soon.

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 06:52 PM   #14
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Hi Scott,
    I haven't been on the board in awhile and I'm so sorry to hear that you're not feeling well again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's just a short blip and you'll be on the up and up in no time.

    hope you're feeling better today and your thesis isn't stressing you out.

    - Cori

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 07:16 PM   #15
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    Re: Feeling very bad again

    Scott, sorry to hear that you are feeling bad again!! I had not had time to post in the last couple of days. I hope that you are feeling better by now. I had a recent setback and got a bit worried too. I went to a baseball game last night and when I stood up to leave, felt very unsteady. Had to hold my husband's arm to steady myself. It is so scary when you think you might go back to how you were months and months ago!! Hang in there. My doctor said to me that I will always have to stay on top of this and keep up some sort of "rehab", keep active, etc...Can't let it creep back in, even when I feel bad!! Feel better soon.....D2

     
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